Hey, how can I get Discourse to do X?

I asked, and the answer really isn’t all that surprising. It’s because you touch yourself at night.

Discourse knows.

Because Discourse search prefers to let searches based on a thread’s title point to a random post in the middle of the thread for maximum user satisfaction.

That will be four Jeffbucks, please.

That’s pretty much what I said.

oh my touching only ever causes crippling guilt and stains sorry i misunderstood

The forum is really slow for me right now - lots of spinning before a topic loads, if it does.

e: Complaining seems to have fixed it.

Seems fine to me, and everything looks OK on the server side.

Wait, just a thought-- what do you do when you’re alone at night?

Please, I’ve already caught you outside my window twice. Don’t act like you don’t know.

It was going real slow for me for a few minutes right about when LK was making his post, as well.

And I do all my touching in the morning, thank you very much.

Cry for the past that was my youth. Why?

Not going to comment on any sort of… touching, but it was exceedingly slow just a few minutes ago. I thought I had lost internet for a moment, but no it was just QT3.

Real slow now.

Monitoring shows some issues from US east, must be some sort of routing issue. US west has latency issues, but not down. EU looks OK.

Edit: Yep, some sort of network issue going on. Started around 6:23PM ET, intermittent.

https://twitter.com/search?q=linode&src=typed_query

I was having issues with gmail as well. That makes sense. Had errors about security and TL5? I think.

I don’t think it’s a widespread issue, Linode has a status page up now.

https://status.linode.com/incidents/z3f3m009wqq8

Discourse has been having a problem off and on all day, about ever couple of hours. I don’t have any issues with any other site.

@stusser looks like notifications are out again today–possible another background process got stuck?

Are you missing notifications over 30 minutes old? Backup is running, but only since 10:43AM.

Again, unclear why the hell it’s running at 10:43AM when it’s scheduled for 3:45AM UTC (10:45PM ET), but that’s fuckin’ Discourse for ya.

Edit: Actually the backup appeared to have started at 3:45 PM UTC, which is totally bizarre as I have it at “3:45” in the settings. It assumes PM?! Fuckin’ Discourse. Changed it to 15:45 because… what the hell, maybe that’ll do it.

The last notification I have listed in my dropdown is your reply to me here, in this thread, 18 hours ago. In the interim, there’ve been at least 3 that I know of, probably more I’m forgetting, direct replies and quotes that aren’t listed.

Weird. Well I’m watching the backup, if it doesn’t complete soon I’ll kill it.

Fuckin’ discourse.

Edit: Backup finished and it immediately started taking another one. I killed it. Fuckin’ discourse.

Some of my backlogged notifications from last night seem to be filtering through now.