Oh gosh, I’m catching up on e-mails and I was instructed to tell you a package is on its way. Actually, a few, arriving between November 30th and December 8th. Not all contents are wrapped. Receipts should be included in case any are duplicates, and Santa encourages you to exchange the duplicates and get yourself something pretty. Santa also assures you there are no rubber ducks.
Ahem, Santa would like you to know:
Happy Ho-Ho-Holidays, Mr Chick! I appreciate that you put together some ideas for me, but if I’m honest, I didn’t look much past “interested in books” because that gave me about a million ideas right there! I restricted myself to just a couple, though. You should get two packages, one from Amazon, another from JFrancis (which might also be Amazon-branded), around Dec 5 (+/- a few days depending on how terrible the shipping is this year). Stuff won’t be wrapped in those, so open only when ready!
Dear @ineffablebob :
Santa would like to alert you of two packages arriving – each heavier than the other! Best of luck.
Dear @AWS260: Your gift has been delivered via FedEx about 3 hours ago!
This was not a Secret Santa package.
I am going to assume that it was my mom, who is famous for sending unwrapped Amazon presents, although she usually remembers to address them to someone in the family other than the recipient.
Dear @RichVR : Be advised! Parcel will arrive Monday December 12th.
Dear @anonymgeist : Be advised! Parcel will arrive December 10th and the contents are not wrapped.
Dear @MichaelD : Be advised! Parcel will arrive December 9th.
Have I ever told you that you are a mensch? If I haven’t, I should.
Dear @ArmandoPenblade : Be advised! Your parcel has shipped and contains special instructions. The outside of the brown package contain spoilers, so please save yourself some heartache and don’t read the box. The contents of the box are individually wrapped. So, you might ask someone else to unpack and discard the box and leave the gifts under the tree for Opening Week.
Dear @Dave_Perkins : Behold! Your Santa asserts that your gift will be delivered “late next week” addressed to “Dave QT3 Perkins.” Nothing inside is wrapped.
Nothing inside me is wrapped either…
Your insides are wrapped by your outsides <3
It’s like my fleshy humansuit is continuously giving the spooky skeleton inside of me a hug!
What is a mensch?
Don’t forget you live inside your skeleton (skull), not outside. The spooky skeleton has you surrounded!
Dear @dwinn : Santa informs me that three packages are on their way to “Dolemite Winn,” arriving 12/13, 12/19, and a third date to be disclosed later.