House of the Dead - The Movie

The House of the Dead movie is coming. http://www.house-of-the-dead.com/

Be sure to watch the trailers. All slow motion, all the time.

Completely, utterly horrible. :shock:

I’m amazed at how bad that movie looks.

Although, the ship captain guy is the captain from Das Boot, kinda cool.

It looks like the trailer was filmed inside one of those amusement park centrifuge rides. That, and somebody’s backyard.

Oh.
my god.
Bonus points for 1. Slo-motion bikini marathon-running. 2. simulating bullet-time by rotating the camera around the actor while they hold a pose.

Yeah, the other time we saw the captain from Das Boot it was…

Wing Commander

Prolly a better movie than this is going to be.

Prochnow was also Duke Leto Atredies in the Lynch version of Dune, FWIW.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement, I know.

In this vein, I have to recommend “Spiders II: Breeding Ground.”

Richard Moll as the mad scientist!

Spiders are immune to all human pathogens, therefore a successful fusing of spider and human DNA could revolutionize health care!

Brilliant! (are you taking notes, NOBEL PRIZE FOR MEDICINE?!?)

Truly inspired model/tank special effects (the entire film takes place at sea), as well as the spider puppet work (take that, CGI!).

Unfortunately, the ending starts to stretch the bounds of believability.

[SPOILER!]

[SPOILER!]

I mean, a Coast Guard helicopter is not going to be held down by a giant spider holding the leg of a woman who is holding the leg of a man, who is in a rescue harness suspended from said helicopter. Somebody is going to let go (man, woman, or giant spider) before the chopper feels anything.

And what the hell’s with the handy fragmentation grenade supply in a box just inside the Coast Guard helicopter? This is standard equipment for seaborne rescues?

Excellent up until the end sequence, highly recommended otherwise.

Also recommended:

Lost Voyage (Judd Nelson, Lance Henriksen)

Dagon (one of Francisco Rabal’s last films, Stuart Gordon [Director] & Dennis Paoli [Screenplay], both of Reanimator & From Beyond fame)