In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
they may find
None of the above. Like all cultured men, I use a bidet, and trim my posterior hairs to avoid klingons.
Also, ask any proctologist, the proper way to use dry toilet paper is not to wipe, but to dab. This prevents irritating the tissue around one’s anus.
I wonder if people know that with some polls, we can see their names and how they voted now?
Gee, Tim, I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want your name coming up as responsible for this thread.
I’m sure that’s not the reason at all…
[size=-10]Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj Tim Elhajj[/size]
How many alts does he have?
My god. Not content with just owning all the penis threads, Tim has moved on to the anus!
I nominate this as “worst thread ever.”
I wipe my ass with a photograph of Tim Elhajj. Every day.
where is the option for wax on wax off?
The top Google result for Tim Elhajj is a Windows server networking blog (in Spanish). We need to work harder.
This is the sixth result. We’re close! http://www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=17338&sid=899842f084aba74dba03bfe00c0c504e
Man, I miss the old Tim Elhajj. You know, before he became a porn star and all.
Guys, can’t we leave poor old Tim Elhajj out of this? Tim Elhajj hasn’t even answered how he would wipe Tim Elhajj’s butt. Perhaps if Tim Elhajj wants to be associated with this thread, Tim Elhajj would post here. But since Tim Elhajj hasn’t, I think perhaps Tim Elhajj would like to retain Tim Elhajj’s anonymity. Tim Elhajj.
Sorry, you need to post your response in the form of a poll.
[ open on interior, Bull & Bear Pub ]
Second Friend of Elhajj: Hey, do you fellas know a… a guy by the name Tim Elhajj?!!
First Friend of Elhajj: Yeah, I know Tim Elhajj! He’s a 10-foot-tall beast man, who showers in Vodka… and feeds his baby Shrimp Scampi…
Third Friend of Elhajj: Best damn trader on the Bull Market!
First Friend of Elhajj: He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF… and Smith & Wesson.
Third Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj went public with his own buttocks… and made $7 million.
Second Friend of Elhajj: [ holds glass in air ] To Tim Elhajj!
Together: Tim Elhajj!!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Did I ever tell you about the time Tim Elhajj went hunting?!
Third Friend of Elhajj: [ interrupting ] I masturbate to the Teletubbies!
[ silence ]
Second Friend of Elhajj: Anyway… Elhajj decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits! He stomps and chews every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives… except… Fleagle!
First Friend of Elhajj: We once had a bachelor party for Elhajj. He ate the entire cake… before we could tell him there was a stripper in it…
Third Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj once hosted the Grammy’s, and gave every award to Corey Hart!
Second Friend of Elhajj: He has a toenail on the end of his penis!
First Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj got his wife pregnant… and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak…
Third Friend of Elhajj: The afterbirth was sauteed muchrooms!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj’s family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong!
First Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj ranked 18th… in the AP College Football Poll…
Third Friend of Elhajj: [ thrusting glass in the air ] To Tim Elhajj!
Together: Tim Elhajj!!
Woman: [ walking up ] Excuse me, do you know where the payphone is?
Third Friend of Elhajj: Piss off, sister! And get us some pretzels!
First Friend of Elhajj: [ waving her off ] Yeah!
Woman: You guys smell awful. [ walks off ]
Third Friend of Elhajj: [ unaffected ] Did I ever tell about the time Elhajj was in a production of “The King & I”?
Second Friend of Elhajj: [ interrupting ] Every morning I crap the bed!
[ silence ]
Third Friend of Elhajj: Anyway… on opening night, Elhajj chloroformed the entire cast… and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours! The production got pretty good reviews…
First Friend of Elhajj: He breast-feeds John Madden!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj named the group Sha-Na-Na! They did not want to be called that…
Third Friend of Elhajj: If you drop a phonograph needle on Elhajj’s nipple, it plays the Beach Boys’ “Pet Sounds”.
First Friend of Elhajj: They use Elhajj’s foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj directed that commercial where the women play basketball in heels!
Third Friend of Elhajj: He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom!
First Friend of Elhajj: All… the Yes album covers… are Elhajj Family photos.
Third Friend of Elhajj: Darryl Hawkins has a summer home in Elhajj’s groin!
First Friend of Elhajj: [ almost tossing glass into the air ] To Tim Elhajj!
Together: Tim Elhajj!!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Elhajj taught his son how to drive?
First Friend of Elhajj: [ interrupting ] I’m… legally… retarded!
[ silence ]
Second Friend of Elhajj: Anyway… Elhajj taught his son to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked, and died. Elhajj said, “It would have happened sometime!”
First Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj’s semen can form into a liquid human!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Like the guys in “Terminator 2”!
First Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj still believes in Santa Claus! And he wants to put him in porno films…
Third Friend of Elhajj: He thinks Iron-Man is gay!
First Friend of Elhajj: He framed Roger Rabbit!
Second Friend of Elhajj: Elhajj used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady…
Third Friend of Elhajj: The character Johnny Appleseed was based on Elhajj… except for the part about planting appleseeds and not raping men!
First Friend of Elhajj: He gave a hand job to a mannaray!
Second Friend of Elhajj: [ screams something unintelligible ]
Third Friend of Elhajj: I hear ya’, buddy.
First Friend of Elhajj: To Tim Elhajj!
Together: Tim Elhajj!!
Big Booming Voice: [ comes from extremely tall figure in upper camera angle ] I’M Tim Elhajj, AND I JUST CORNERED THE MARKET ON BOOZE! WHO WANTS A DRINK?
[ the guys get excited and raise their glasses in the air towards Tim Elhajj ]
Together: Tim Elhajj!!
My grandmother always called them dingleberries.
Furthermore, as any gynecologist will advise, young girls should be taught to wipe their post-bowel movement asses from front to back, so as to avoid contaminating their labia with intestinal bacteria that can cause urinary tract infections.
As this thread is about being spammed by awfully long posts about Tim Elhajj, here are some fun facts about Tim Elhajj:
In return for support for the supergun, Iraq demanded that he help them with the design of a multi-stage missile that they were trying to assemble out of SCUD parts. Bull agreed, and did many of the nosecone calculations.
That is what killed him. Israel had no great reason to care about the supergun, but they had much to fear from Iraqi missiles. Warning signs were left for him. His apartment was broken into several times, but nothing was stolen. A few items were disturbed just to show that someone had been there.
In March of 1990, Bull was killed outside his apartment by five shots to the back of his head. No one heard the shots, and no one was ever caught.
- Tim Elhajj
Those flushable wetwipes are actually great. I’ll return you to Tim Elhajj’s TMI theater.