How long did you wait?

Probably tacky to talk about this here, but here goes anyway.

I think I got lucky. I can’t imagine myself with anyone other than my wife. Of course we lived together for 3 years before tying the knot… definitely played it safe. Sill, I wouldn’t recommend anyone consider marriage before doing the same.

For those that have been divorced-- just out of curiosity, what would you attribute that to? People changing over time? Not knowing enough about the person going in? External events affecting your relationship? What exactly?

I have a number of friends who are divorced (including my parents), but I’ve never felt close enough to anyone to get in-depth-- it is, after all, an extremely personal question-- and I’m curious.

Fresh poon > stale poon.

Life is short. What’s done is done. Live your life.

How long have you been married, wumpus?

For me it was shooting all that heroin that did us in.

For me it was shooting all that heroin that did us in.


Married since may 1999, lived together since… uh… 1995? I’ve consulted with Chet…

Look - she isn’t my wife and we are not common-law-married. But saying girlfriend sounds stupid, we have lived together for 11 years and I have known her for 16. Life partner sounds gay, especially because her nickname is harry. I guess I could use lover? Would that make you happy?

… and I’ve formulated this handy chart so I know what to call Betsy.

years of living together - title
01 - girlfriend
02 - fly lady
03 - skimmie
04 - wench
05 - def female
06 - girl on my jock
07 - woman
08 - female companion
09 - little cutie
10 - old lady
11 - girlie

But, you know, Chet and I are just old-fashioned that way.

You should work up a chart for what you should be called next.

And then cross index it with anniversary gifts for each year right on up to the 50th Gold anniversary.

Year 1: Dong

both nickname and anniversary taken care of in one simple word, because God knows thats what every man gives for his first anniversary.

work up a chart for what you should be called next.

Well, the ladies call me “speedy”.

It’s because youre a race car driver, right? right???

Ah, but then what does the wife get her hubby for the first year?

Well if she gives it back, I suppose it’s the gift of sobbing and scrubbing. But the dirt just won’t come off, man.


Nah, not even close

I’ve been taught that many divorces are attributable to overly high expecations of a spouse in marraige. But, I’ve never been married, so what do I know.

Are you getting a divorce Jim? If so, I am sorry.

does your right hand count cause if it does then I’m having sex like a mad man!


  • I’m going to kill people some day.