How Not to Fight Mutant Wasps

With a sidearm.

This is the picture for the Sci Fi Channel’s movie, Black Swarm:

I couldn’t help but wonder what the spunky red-headed female sheriff thought her pistol was going to do against a swarm of genetically engineered superintelligent wasps. Dane Cook’s line about punching every bee in the face came to mind.


P.S. Who won the fight in Komodo vs. Cobra?

Reminds me of that ridiculous scene in Hellboy 2 where the good guys fight the tooth fairies with pistols and Selma Blair can’t be bothered to flame on until all the redshirts die.

Jesus, one of the many things that pissed me off about that movie.

Tom, if these mutant wasps are the size of, I dunno, pelicans, then a sidearm might at least be semi-useful. Although obviously, a shotgun would be way preferable.

Maybe there are miniature flying horses in act three.

You did realize that’s Robert Englund on the right, correct?

If watching sci-fi original pictures and playing video games has taught me anything, it’s that the pistol will be used to shoot an explosive barrel which will incinerate the wasps.

So they have one gun, a scientist with a beekeeper’s mask and his intellect, and Freddy Krueger’s bladed glove. I would say they are all set.

Are these awful Sci-Fi movies profitable? I have never seen one that even approaches tolerable.

Aw, rats, you have a point. I might have to watch this now.

Tyjenks, I’m sure these things are profitable. They’re made on shoestring budgets and they make their money back from a combination of heavily hyped Sci Fi Channel premieres, DVD rentals/sales, and overseas distribution deals. So long as you have a “name” to anchor it (Robert Englund in this case), you’re good to go.


Yeah, a lot of Sci Fi’s “originals” are joint productions with non-US stations. Creating a “B” movie is cheap if you’re only paying for 1/3 or 1/4 of the production costs.

I really liked the first half of The Lost Room.

BTW, didn’t Fox already make a straight-to-television killer bee movie? I kinda miss those movies. I recall Intensity being better than Haute Tension, so there was some good stuff they did.

Speaking of Sci-Fi original movies, did anyone watch Anaconda 3 a few weeks back? I want to know if it was as awesomely awesome as Anaconda 2. And what to expect from Anaconda 4, coming later this year.

My guess would be…anacondas.

Amazing. I assumed they must or they would not continue to crank them out. I guess there are still thousands that love this schlock. Well, good for them. And good for Englund and other people who can earn their livings.

They are

Yes, and the Sci-Fi Made-for-TV Movie publicity still officially signifies the death of his career.

Did they only show the D&D sequel or did they help produce it? I thought that was better than the original, which isn’t necessarily saying much. But it was watchable. I watched one called Skeleton Man that is STILL a joke around our house.

Oh, and my theory is that the wasps’ stings make people go psycho, and the sheriff’s job is to take those people out.

I think it was last weekend, there was a movie with Coolio as a special forces captain in some baltic country saving scientists from pterodactyls.

Tom Chick: VM-ing for his Fidgit overlords.

As long as we know Coolio is out there fighting for scoiety’s safety, I think we can all rest easier.

Important note for those that have never fired a handgun:

Don’t ever cross your thumb over your hand at the back of a semi-automatic like that chick is doing. She is gripping it absurdly low, but for any normal grip height the slide will fly back and rip through the skin on your thumb. Always keep both thumbs on the same side of a semi-auto.

Every now and then when I take a new shooter to the range, he or she will revert to this, even after being shown the proper grip, and I crap my pants in an attempt to get them to hold their fire. No injuries yet…

Well, it had “The Hoff” as some kind of giant snake hunter (that is, he hunts giant snakes, not that he’s a giant…), so it was a winner through and through!

Taking the snakes out of the jungle was a nice touch, I’ll give them that.

A few weeks ago I sat down and watched two Sci Fi channel movies. They were pretty awful. Imagine my shock when I discovered that they were not “Sci Fi” originals, but rather actual movies that someone had actually financed as real movies with serious budgets.

A Sound of Thunder based on a Ray Bradbury story and starring Ben Kingsley and Edward
Burns, cost $52m.

D-War:Dragon Wars with a cost that may have been as high as $75m.

Of course, my all time favorite Sci Fi channel movie is still Post Impact.