How to drive a warthog

After a bit of online play, I am now undoubtedly qualified to write up a small essay on proper operation of a warthog.

Let’s take a look at some of the manuevers attempted by the troglodyte masses who invariably end up piloting this incredible powerhouse of rolling doom.

Mistake number 1: Don’t stop, jackass! This is often a newbie issue. The best way to describe this is utter stupidity. I have seen such improbable tactics as a) Jumping out of the driver’s seat to jack a ghost and getting run over, b) Jumping out of the driver’s seat in order to pick up some grenades (and being run over), c) jumping out of the driver’s seat for God knows what reason and promptly being run over, and d) stopping and just sitting in one place for the purpose of talking to your team, which is apparently difficult to do when compounded by piloting duties. This strategy almost always results in a stranded gunner who is quickly shot to pieces, and more often than not ends up with the other team in possesion of this valuable tactical asset. Speed is life, people!

Mistake number 2: The BF42 run n’ gun. This is often used by people with poor team skills. The warthog is not your personal taxi. If you want to grab the flag, ride in the passenger seat. If you’re driving, you need to be ready to provide the flag carrier a ride. If we are bombing, this is excusable, but only if the base is fairly clear. Otherwise, use it to mow down respawned folks trying to get back to the bomb stand. At the very worst, park it somewhere to provide a nice stairway to assault the enemy base in a sneaky way. Speaking of personal taxis, if you drive off without a gunner, that is simply inexcusable. You should be repeatedly pummelled about the face and groin.

Mistake number 3: Anything you can walk away from…
If you roll the jeep (it happens even to the best of us) get the hell back in. Don’t drive it 1/3rd of the way to the enemy base and then leave it, especially when we are carrying the bomber or there are a lot of enemy vehicles.

Mistake number 4: Getting too close. The weapons on the warthog are insanely good. A decent gunner will make a lot of kills. If you keep your distance, the gun is just as effective. Furthermore, your job as the driver is either to deliver someone with a bomb/flag as fast as possible, or simply to evade fire for as long as possible. Hitting people is secondary, as the gun in the back will do a number on everything. Don’t slow down to provide a good firing point for the gunner unless you are POSITIVE there are no nearby enemy threats. A good gunner won’t need you to slow down anyway.

I have not seen these behaviors from the QT3 crowd so far, which has been a pleasant surprise. This weapon is incredible in the hands of a trained crew, and used correctly, can supress half a team which leads to a proper flag run or bomb plant. Thank you for your time and attention.

Halo 2 should have a Crazy Taxi mini-game. Only, it has, like, a big gun on top to shoot peds and other taxis…

So, really, it’s be BETTER than Crazy Taxi!

For extra style points do a barrel roll on the way back from a flag capture. Throw in a “ye ha” for good measure.

And then land on an enemy. Hee hee hee.

Why don’t we all just install Carmageddon and play that instead?

So now that there’s a new Halo out, are there any good comedy videos of vehicle launching to go with it?

Halo 2 made baby Jesus cry when it didn’t include the racing mode.


:x Race was my favorite gametype.

What modes support vehicles other than CTF? I may get around to picking up this Halo 2 thinger after work today.

Yes, yes it did. No gametype does a better job of putting crews of players on a Warthog and then getting them to kill each other than Race.

But at least we still have Halo 1 PC.

And maybe even downloadable content for Halo 2!

Mistake number 5: Proper usage of the horn. Don’t lay on the horn to announce your arrival at the enemy’s base. Use it to let people know you need passengers or that your teammate is aimlessly wandering into the the path of Warthog destruction. Betrayal!