I am a Conservative

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I am a conservative. I believe in staying solvent and out of debt.

I am a conservative. I believe in keeping my nose out of other people’s business, their nations and their bedrooms.

I am a conservative. I believe in conserving our assets and our resources – our air, our land, our water. Accordingly, I don’t support or engage in wastefulness, inefficiency or lavish excesses.

I am a conservative. I think an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Therefore I support appropriate government spending on such things as infrastructure, schools, social welfare and crime prevention, because in the long run it’s cheaper and more effective.

I am a conservative. I don’t sign on to risky schemes. I think if you give Bob a dollar, it helps Bob, but it may not necessarily help Oscar, Fred or Maria.

I am a conservative. If I am attacked, I respond appropriately and conservatively. I do not swat mosquitoes with dynamite.

I am a conservative. I don’t deal falsely or prematurely with facts.

I am a conservative. I understand the purposes of various institutions. It is the job of government to govern, the job of religion to address spiritual needs, and the job of business to secure profits by producing needed goods and services. I do not confuse these institutions.

I am a conservative. I understand my position in the world and that my opinions are not the only valid ones.

I do not have an exclusive claim on what is right, good or patriotic, and those who disagree with me are not automatically evil traitors.

What’s really weird, though, is that I’ve always thought these things, but now everyone calls me a “liberal”!

I guess that makes me a conservative, too.

I could make a jab at all of them but this one was funny. So liberals stay out of other nations eh… like Vietnam and Kosovo…and Iran…and that Black Hawk Down place…oh and Iraq.

Michael Moore once said the rich should pay 80%+ in taxes. That’s not exactly keeping noses out of other people’s business either.

Michael Moore’s also not a conservative – but you’re free to have him, if that’s what you want.

Bush I, a lame-duck parting gift to Clinton.

…oh and Iraq.

Bush I and II