I Need Competently-Painted But Awful Fantasy Art

The Trashy Bitches might have some in their Romance gallery - http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com. If not, it’s still pretty funny.

Does that dragon have wheels?

Troy

Little-known fact: all dragons have wheels. Except for the dreaded dragondozer, which has tracks.

This thread delivers … horrors! Thank you all.

Bill, got a link to more of those CYOA gamebooks? I’m also looking for a compendium for their British counterpart, Fighting Fantasy

UPDATE: Hsssss! (Though some are very good) : http://homepages.tesco.net/~parsonsp/html/fighting_fantasy.html

DAMN YOU, Sir.

Your link make me read the site, which in turn led me to google a particular image. My eyes are still bleeding and my brain reels with the sheer horror and grossness of the thing. Damn you and your diabolical links!

PS: and for those of you that just HAVE to see even if it damns your souls to eternal suffering, even if said image will burn itself into your memory so that you will see it as you close your eyes to tenderly kiss your girl or to sleep or TO DIE, well, just read Candy’s opinion on the first cover, therein lies your doom. You have been warned.

You googled Tubgirl, didn’t you?

I’m also looking for a compendium for their British counterpart, Fighting Fantasy

We had CYOA too.

You’re just now getting around to scarring yourself with tubgirl? Welcome to 2002. Now try “goatse” or “lemon party.”

“No Ralph, Jesus did not have wheels.”

20 quatloos on God.

It appears to be half dragon/half chariot - more commonly known as a Dragiot. The driver isn’t in the chariot half however, but mysteriously floating above and to the left. Is the monk in the tree somehow pulling her to himself? If so, she seems not to have noticed. Is she standing on it’s back? If so, why aquire a dragiot at all, with their well known axle problems, when there are so many dragons available. As is typical of so much of Ms. Morrill’s works these questions are really invitations to the viewer to create their own narrative(s).

Look at this lush and deeply erotic work, “Magenta Serpent” (orig. titled “Sea Urchin Hat, Study in Pink and Yellow”):

Inspired by “the waves crashing against the rocks at New Port, Rhode Island” (near Newport), this picture seems to illustrate the powerful attraction humans have for the sea and the tongues of the things that live within it. But look closely. What is she pointing at? Is it a rebuff? A warning? Ultimately, its the mystery of Rowena Morrill’s work that makes it so endlessly fascinating.

Are you sure? He’s done paintings that aren’t entirely awful, but most of his work makes me cringe. He makes frequent use of the “fantasy figure (often in chainmail bikini) standing woodenly in front of generic background” meme. And his use of color makes my eyes bleed.

I shall pass. Never had I seen such a horrible image. I can’t wash my eyes clean. The lemon does nothing, the battery acid does nothing.

Seriously, that was really really bad. Good thing Ben Sones linked to those Larry Elmore paintings, those are hilarious and in mocking them I feel alive again.

A single lemon isn’t going to do the trick; what you need is an entire lemon party. (Google is your friend.)

The cluttered kitchen-sink composition on the third one reminds me of some of my notebook drawings from childhood, albeit executed with more proficient draftmanship. “I know, I’ll stick a floating city over there!” That’s kinda how I drew.

Admittedly, assuming that picture is some kind of Everquest ad or box cover, the “kitchen sink” theme probably fit the assignment – “a world of adventure, look at all the crap you can do” etc.

I’m sure the art director asked for a mural-like composition, probably for a wrap-around cover. That sort of thing is a complicated compositional challenge, and clearly way beyond what Elmore has the skill to pull off. Kinuko Craft, one of the artists that I linked in the other thread, is quite good at pulling off that sort of painting, however.

Yeah, it’s the original art for Dragons of Norrath - http://www.mobygames.com/game/everquest-dragons-of-norrath/cover-art/gameCoverId,73112/.

Still not as bad as Firiona’s chilliest outing - http://www.mobygames.com/game/everquest-the-scars-of-velious/cover-art/gameCoverId,14299/. Brr. And also: LOOK BEHIND YOU A DRAGON!

Heh. Still, you gotta respect someone willing to fight a dragon in the frigid snow wearing nothing but a loincloth and a sports bra. At least her shoulders are armored. Won’t the dragon be surprised if he tries to hit her there!

google pic search “Choose Your Own Adventure” will essentially list them all, my good man.

“Why look! It’s a tiny African! And he’s aiming a gun just slightly above my freakishly huge chin!”

“You’re lucky, white boy head. You don’t have three Hanna-Barbera suburban punks embedded in your 'fro.”

“That’s true, African head, but YOU don’t have a miniature copy of yourself plummeting towards your skull with a pickax.”

Also ROY-G-BIV. How hard could it be to get that right?