I'm playing an M-rated game with my 7 year old, am I a terrible person?

Games
1

My son Henry is 7½. I’ve been slowly introducing him to various games, starting with the zillion Lego games (Lego Movie, most recently), and most notably a lot of Plants vs Zombies 2 and some Just Cause 3 – with a de-emphasis on the shooty bits, just exploring the open world and driving and flying around and exploring stuff.

I started playing Red Dead Redemption on my Xbone and it was just so damn good after two hours in that I wanted him to share part of the experience with me. So we’ve been playing that together. But:

  • there is some f-bomb dropping
  • there is (western) violence
  • there is a real emphasis on shooty bits
  • there is shooting and skinning of animals
  • there is one sex scene I plan to AVOID (I looked it up so I know when it happens)

Luckily the scene with the naked hanged guy was before I started playing it with him.

I felt particularly bad because his 4 year old sister (one of a set of twins) happend to be watching us play, and then after shooting a “bad guy” said:

Skin him!

I was mortified, but then I realized she’s just logically following along: we skinned all the animals we killed, why not skin… that one… too? It’s what we do with the things we kill, right?

I’m probably going to hell.

Overall RDR is not really that violent, and if you squint your eyes you could class it under “cartoon violence” like Plants vs Zombies 2, though the enemies are obviously human avatars they are not quite real enough to be, y’know, actual human movie actors. I also like that we can have discussions about honor and doing ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things and how that affects the game and the way people react to you. We also regularly discuss why, in games, we do things we would (and could) never do in real life – because it’s not real.

Still, that little ambient event where a dude knifes a prostitute in the street… I have been avoiding that one. (I assume you can interrupt it? I tried to once and got a bounty.)

Anyway, I feel a little bad about this because I don’t want to rush his childhood or anything, but RDR is so damn great and I want to play through it with my son – I want him to have that experience with me, and be a part of these next-gen open world games that are looming on the horizon.

(As incredible as GTA5 and RDR both are, they were designed to fit into the anemic PS3. Rockstar has not yet released a truly next-gen open world game, where the minimum system spec is a proper 8GB x86 box like the PS4 or Xbone. I can’t wait.)

2

How do you explain to a child that you don’t skin inhuman that you’ve just killed? “Say no to canabalism”?

3

This is the thing about 4 year old kids. They make you question all your assumptions!

4

I suspect, when I have kids, we’ll all be vegetarians.

I.e. It’s ok to kill and eat delicious pigs… but somehow not kill and eat the family dog? How can I explain that logic without being a hypocrite?

(Especially as Koreans etc eat dogs without issues. Or at least they did before the US influence started in the 50s…)

5

I explained to my son that I accidentally killed and skinned a dog in the game earlier, before I started playing it with him, because I couldn’t tell what it was. I didn’t know it was a dog! It was dark and it looked like a coyote!

6

I don’t know. My daughter is 7 years old and I don’t play PC games in front of her. Always played when she already went to bed. PC games in my Steam catalog are just too violent and I didn’t want her to see all these at such a tender age. Granted, I don’t feel a need to share the gaming experience with her, because she’s a daughter - I don’t know how it will be if he were a son. There are so many other things we do together - card games, board games, drawings, walks in the park, etc. I don’t need to share video gaming experience with her. Perhaps I am on the other end of the spectrum, over protective, but I feel there will be times for video gaming with the kids when they are older. I can wait.

7

I find the aversion for the sex scene interesting.
I remember being traumatized a-plenty with trailers of American trash movies in the 80s, or just looking at the news announcing some new transplant success (those doctors were just faceless butchers in blue standing over a bloody corpse to 5-y.o me), yet I never held any loss of sleep or bad memories over seeing ladies in underwear or people kissing - just embarassment, at most.

8

Mostly I do not want to explain sex to him. I can arrange a Skype conference with my son, at your convenience, if you wish to do so!

“bad guys” is a concept you kind of intuitively get early in life, for better or worse. Sex, not so much!

9

Heh, I find it somewhat amusing that violence, shooting and skinning are semi-okay, sex scene, avoid. :D

Also, I watched Robocop when I was 10 and I turned out “normal”, but 7 is probably too young, I saw Disney movies at that age that were a bit too shocking for me. Still, you know your child better than us, but it’s a good thing you’ll be able to afford the therapy in a few years. :D

10

See reply directly above yours.

11

Oh, I did, I just found it amusing nonetheless. :D And I’d guess it’s not a issue for you, but for most non techie parents, waiting for the age of 7 to teach their kids about sex might be too late. :(

12

Well, kids inflict violence on each other pretty much daily, from a very early age. Biting, scratching, spitting, hitting… all normal part of the developmental process. 2/3 of our kids bit some other kid on the playground at some point. Of course they grow out of it, but anger / violence is built in to humans – it’s something you learn to contain and deal with very early on.

Now compare with sex. Sex doesn’t really factor into anything until puberty, or at least near puberty.

13

Pornography sure, but sharing of caring and kisses between sentimentally-bound beings is something I think a kid is familiar with.
I remember I wasn’t reflecting about the “physicality” of people rubbing to each other before I learned the shocking truth at around 12. Now the awkward depiction of it in a 3D game is sure not the best place to get a first exposure - and I don’t know the details of the scene: if the dude is roughing it up and riding the woman like a cow, I sure share your point of view!
Edit: sexual violence being to me the most shocking form of it.

14

Hugs and kisses and the actual act of sex are… so far apart, in so many dimensions.

The RDR scene is on a table, if that gives any context ;)

15

I would say the problem is you maybe desensitizing your kids if you expose them to certain things at an early age. Why not find a good game where you do not have to even ask this question and save such exposure as a rite to adulthood (especially if it is giving you pause on continuing).

I use to like having an excuse to watch my kids tv shows and play their games with them. :)

I personally believe that kid are growing up very rapidly and it is probably wise to let them have a chance to be a kid for as long as we are able. This is the only time In their life that is possible.

Of the things I have regretted in my life, I have never regretted going slower but have regretted when going to fast. (especially when making a decision).

16

I’ve been “fairly” lax as a parent in what my kids got to experience growing up. Being their parent, I’m obviously biased, but they are good kids[1] and don’t seem to be irrevocably damaged.

I think it comes down to being with them and talking through things. Would I have wanted them watching ‘R’ rated movies or playing M-rated games alone at that age? Of course not. But as with your case, you’re not leaving them alone. You are there to answer the contradictions, explain the difference between games/reality, and guess what - they are going to encounter all of this stuff at some point in their life regardless. Much better than you have had the chance first to guide them through it before they learn it from less… guided kids at school.

[1] I have made them cynical. That’s not really due to TV/movies/games though - that’s on me. It just makes them more readily realize that most people are stupid. I don’t strongly disabuse them of this notion.

17

This is excellent.

But, today I avoided giving my wife an update on the Nice attack while she was surrounded by 3 x <5yo’s.

Have you made them cynical, or have you instilled some basis for critical thinking? The latter is a skill I worry is growing absent from the youth of today, but perhaps that is just a perspective of age thing…

18

It seems like you’re trying to rush him into an experience that he’s really not ready for. You love the game but it’s obviously not going to mean the same thing to a 7-year-old. And he and his little sister are going to start saying Fuck - do you really want that? Kids soak up EVERYTHING. The killing, the skinning, the whores, the cursing…I don’t get the rush to expose him to all this shit.

19

I like to think their cynicism is based on their ability to do actual critical thinking, and not just a mere parroting of whatever I fill their heads with (which I like to think is also based on critical thinking…). My daughter is on the debate team at high school, so I’m hoping that counts for something positive! But sadly, I’m not sure the full effects will be known until they are off on their own.

20

I can’t claim to have any idea about this.

But let me guest… doing something with your children is good, I think. Is quality time. Maybe what you do don’t matter much?.
Has for Just Cause. On Just Cause 2 you can install mods to have access to all vehicles, so the game can turn into fighting very fast with cool things, and kids love that…