In which we list our favourite jokes told by a character (or characters) in a film

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrupting cow who?
… Moooooooo …
That was horrible.

I’m gonna make this pencil disappear.

I’ll have what she’s having.

That reminds me of a story about my dad. When we first moved to Belgium his French skills were zero so it was a struggle to do ordinary things, like order food. So he goes to a restaurant, and hears a guy in the group next him order “La Meme Chose.” He’s adventurous so he decides to get that. It comes, it’s delicious, he’s happy, so he starts ordering at other restaurants. He’s always happy with what he gets but he notices that the dish varies widely from restaurant to restaurant.

It’s not until he mentions this to a co-worker that he discovers the meaning of the dish… “(I’ll have) the same thing.”

“Is that the one about the…uh…hooker with dysentery?”

I’ve always been partial to the one Jake Gittes tells in Chinatown – here’s the transcription from the IMDB page, sorry it’s a little long:

So there’s this guy Walsh, do you understand? He’s tired of screwin’ his wife… So his friend says to him, “Hey, why don’t you do it like the Chinese do?” So he says, “How do the Chinese do it?” And the guy says, “Well, the Chinese, first they screw a little bit, then they stop, then they go and read a little Confucius, come back, screw a little bit more, then they stop again, go and they screw a little bit… then they go back and they screw a little bit more and then they go out and they contemplate the moon or something like that. Makes it more exciting.” So now, the guy goes home and he starts screwin’ his own wife, see. So he screws her for a little bit and then he stops, and he goes out of the room and reads Life Magazine. Then he goes back in, he starts screwin’ again. He says, “Excuse me for a minute, honey.” He goes out and he smokes a cigarette. Now his wife is gettin’ sore as hell. He comes back in the room, he starts screwin’ again. He gets up to start to leave again to go look at the moon. She looks at him and says, “Hey, whats the matter with ya. You’re screwin’ just like a Chinaman!”