About a year ago, Google became extremely certain that I was, like, hella into women’s gymnastics, particularly some retired lady, uh, Nastya Luken? Dunno.
And, like, during the Olympics, yeah, my partner and I absolutely watch gymnastics. That shit is crazy. Some motherfuckin Russian dude just did a standing quintuple flip and was immediate executed by ex-KGB agents cuz he didn’t manage a sextuple that fuckin’ failure. But, you know, after the torch gets doused, I more or less forget the sport exists for the next 3.9 years.
But man, that Google Assistant news ticker thing you can swipe left to see on your Android home screen? That fucker was like, yo, Armando, did you know that today, Nastya wore a pink tracksuit out to get bagels at the corner store cuz she’s just like us? Hey Armando, checkit, Nastya has some tips on breathing you should totally read about here at yogathots daily dot news. ARMANDO YOU WANG DID YOU KNOW THAT LILNASX LOOKIN HAS A THIGH GAP THE SIZE OF COLORADO ANYWAY HERE’S SIX TIPS FOR DOIN BUTT CRUNCHES.
I still don’t know what I did to trip that particular interest category into overdrive. IIRC, Googs and Co. can sometimes build part of your ad profile around what closely-associated people are into (hence a LOT of the “omg they’re listening to meeeeee” fears people give into), but this was like, middle-of-the-pandemic isolation times, and my gf – the only human I’ve interacted with in months – has never even heard of this lady either.
Most shit, I can figure out the connection. “Oh yeah, I googled video game reviews on Youtube a month ago, of course I’m gonna get a bunch of incel Prager U videos now, duh, gamers are incels haha.” But some products of the Google Hivemind? They are mysteries man wasn’t meant to know, Jeff.
Tell ya, though. That lady is definitely hot af!