Hello, everyone. I’ve been a poster on the forums for a while, and have talked about the recent tragedies and problems in my life. The last time I reached out to you, I went into hospitalization for more than a month for depression. There was a month of two of some improvement there. Then, my mother died. My mother was childcare for my daughter since she was born while I was at work, and, my best friend. Her extremely sudden and unexpected death has left a giant rift and vacuum in my heart. My daughter has had to go to day care for the first time in her life (she’s 8) and hates it. I’m also currently back to Short Term Disability at work. I am unsure how long I will keep my job. I can’t afford the childcare that I had my daughter in, but now on disability, I have her until school starts. I should be going back to hospitalization, but don’t have the way to get my daughter looked after. All the financial progress I had started to make has been reset. I’m now 45 days behind on the electricity. I live in South Texas, and its been 100 plus degrees for the past few weeks. I live in a 70 year old house with no insulation and with window units This is just getting bad. I’ve asked them for mercy, but they said I’ve asked too many times. My internet will be going soon, too. So, as this may be goodbye for a while, I just wanted to let you know where I went, and to thank you all for all your support throughout the years.
I’m so sorry that you’re having such a hard time, and for the loss of your mother. Life is definitely throwing you all the curveballs that it can, it seems. I can’t help but fear that you’re reaching a point of desperation, so please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you need to, or present yourself to your nearest hospital emergency room if you think that you are in danger of harming yourself.
Your daughter will NOT be better off without you in the world, and there ARE resources to assist people in your situation (i.e., struggling with mental health issues and responsible for caring for a child). I don’t know what part of South Texas you are in, but the hospital social workers should be able to begin to help you take steps to make things better for you and your daughter.
@axisandallies I am sorry about your mother. That hurts, especially when it’s sudden.
Good luck with your depression, the heat, and the ongoing work battles. I guess the good news is that you can provide daycare for you child instead of having to purchase it. I don’t think it’s unusual for depression to come back strong, especially after a death or some other traumatic experience.
Ephraim offered good advice about looking for services, especially with your child.
His evaluation below is also spot on:
I don’t know exactly where in South Texas you live, but if it’s near San Antonio or in Bexar County there are a number of agencies that can provide assistance with your electric bill, childcare and other needs and expenses.
Take a look here for Bexar County assistance programs.
The City of San Antonio also offers or has partners who offer various assistance programs.
If you live further south, like Brownsville, Laredo or Corpus Christi, those areas have similar programs. Also, have you tried reaching out to local churches? Even if you’re not a parishioner, most local churches either have assistance programs or are partnered with charities and non-profits who can help with situations like yours, especially when children are involved. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your local community for help.
Most importantly, try to stay strong and stay positive for your daughter. She needs you, now more than ever, and while things may understandably feel overwhelming, there is still joy to be found every day in your relationship with her.
Just wanted to let you know that I’m still here, and I keep on fighting. Its been difficult.
We’re all a family in this place, man. I’m glad to hear you’re still here. If you need a virtual ear send me a PM.
Hello axisandallies, I was just thinking about you the other day, that it had been a long time since I had seen your posts. I’m glad that you’ve checked in with us.
I appreciate that I was in your thoughts. Things here are a bit weird. I have feast and famine times. That is, there are times where I have to go some months without internet because of finances. You guys are always in my heart. I’ve been in and out of the hospital. Things are worse and better in turns. I just got back from a laryngoscope. That is hell on earth. I’ve got a support group, which is about all that i’ve got left anymore. I’d have ended it long ago without them. And, I’ve got you guys, when I have the money to pay the cable people. Hope you all are doing well.