The game studio I worked for blindsided me earlier this week and let me go after more than ten years there as a game designer and game director. The reason given was “creative differences,” although I am pretty sure a motivating factor was clearing the budget to bring in new leadership from outside. The creative differences they mentioned were about the scope of the studio and the kinds of projects we would aim for in the future. As one of the more senior people at the studio, I voiced my opinion when it came up over the years. Eventually I was left out of any conversations; finally I was shown the door.
I don’t want to feel betrayed by people whom I still consider my friends, and by folks who gave me a lot of opportunities over the years, and mentored me. I know that it’s possible for the goals of an individual–especially at higher levels of responsibility–and the goals of their organization to diverge. When that happens, though, I guess I would expect (maybe naively) a formal conversation about it, not summarily being dropped on the end-of-year job market with a couple months’ severance.
So what do I do now? Colorado, where I live, isn’t a cornucopia of games jobs. I’ve always told myself I needed to be prepared to leave games, because I wasn’t going to leave Colorado. In fact, I did leave games once; I came back 1 1/2 years later. During that foray into the broader tech industry, I felt like such a fish out of water. I made more money and folks said I did good work, but I don’t particularly relish going back to that.
So I’ve been considering freelancing. I’ve actually been thinking about it for awhile. There are game design freelancers out there… I’ve talked to a few of them. A message I got was that stable work comes from having a strong niche that you can claim to be an expert in. Problem is, I’m kind of a generalist. Working at whatever companies were in Colorado, I’ve ended up doing a little bit of everything. Which means I’m not among the industry’s foremost expert on any particular thing. Sounds like that’s a tough sell. Or, if nothing else, establishing a reputation isn’t going to come quickly. I’m totally willing to do freelance work in other fields I’m qualified for, like technical writing, which might be how I fill the gaps.
Any freelancers out there? I’d love to get advice on getting started and living that lifestyle.
The other possible avenue is teaching. I’ve actually really felt a strong calling to teach the last few years. I’ve done mentoring in game design with middle and high schoolers here and there over that time, and it’s really rewarding. I teach religion to middle schoolers as a volunteer and I like that too. I’ve been lucky enough to meet some game development educators here around Colorado, so I’m going to try to get some time with them to find out about that world and what opportunities there are, if any. I could theoretically teach English at, like, a community college or something. Of course, that’d involve making probably 50-60% of what I used to make.
Well, that’s my whole shitty situation. Except, it’s certainly not that shitty. I’ve been pretty darn fortunate for so much of my life. I’m just a little hurt, a little angry, a little scared, and very uncertain what the future looks like.