…and stop doing this shit. You need to start emphasizing the positive aspects of your search/life. The dude took the time to talk to you - that shows value right there. Any interview is great practice for any future ones. The guy has no obligation to tell you, but perhaps you could ask for the some of the reasons for you not being hired. Then, instead of using those points as reinforcements of your worthlessness, use them as motivators for change - either in your messaging or as things that need to be fixed.
Try writing down 3 to 5 positive things about your interview. It may seem silly, but affirmations do help. When my daughter was being really negative about school and her classmates, we started having her keep a journal and jot down five good things that happened to her each day. This positive reinforcement did eventually work, but it was not overnight and it took serious engagement on her part. Your life is as negative/positive as you want it to be.
I have been out of work for 6 months and my money is starting to run out as well. Dwelling on my failures will do me no good. I know if I live fearlessly, then things will work out.
Those close calls are a heartbreak, but when you are 53 you can’t afford to make any mistakes. Send him a warm, but professional response as soon as you can. Universe sends you bad shit, you have to send it back out, otherwise it festers on you and brings more badness your way. :)
It’s super hard to stay positive when this sort of thing happens. I know. I rant and rave, maybe pound a tub of ice cream, but then it’s back to the lab again. The job I just landed is not a perfect fit for me, but it’s a much different experience looking for work with a job than without. I just feel more confident. I only bring it up because it’s that old chestnut about what a difference a day makes. Or for 53 year old dogs like us, what a difference a few days (or months or maybe even years) can make. You’re going to get something.
Good on you for continuing to post in this thread. I’m cheering for you man!
Clanan
1563
Divorced, please continue to update us with events. You’re not worthless, and while I haven’t interacted with you much I do appreciate hearing about your situation. You’re in my family’s prayers. My only advice is to reiterate that you shouldn’t push your spouse away in this time of need - encourage her to be your support and to provide that shoulder. Maybe that’s exactly who and what she wants to be! And in the mean-time, Qt3 is here for you :)
JeffL
1564
Divorced, I think some of the tough love type advice here is good. It will be hard for that attitude to not come through in interviews, correspondence etc.
Yeah sometimes life sucks. I lost my job in the very depth of the recession, the beginning of 2009. Everyone was firing and nobody was hiring. I’d just fired 30% of our technical folks 8 weeks earlier. I was 53 and a senior level director/manager. I’d been laid off two years earlier in Chicago and had taken the new job in KC and lost everything in selling our previous house and had too much debt. Oh and a kid in college. The headhunter I’d used for years and was a friend told me NO ONE was hiring. I was pretty sure I’d be one of those who defaulted on the mortgage and was looking at bankruptcy options. It was looking into a black hole. I lost 30 pounds because the stress destroyed my appetite.
I’m currently in the best job my life. I worked my ass of looking for a job knowing there were probably hundreds of applications for each of the very few openings due to the huge unemployed numbers back then. I worked all day every day working on the job search.
Bottom line: you only need one job. Work your ass off looking. Work harder than everyone else applying. Have others look at your resume. Contact everyone you know. Look in every resource for openings. You get the idea.
You are alive. There are people facing worse problems who would trade places with you. I know it doesn’t make your liver taste better knowing there are starving people out there but your future is going to be what you make it.
Sorry if that sounds unfeeling.
feanan
1565
re: disability.
My best friends husband just recently got approved. It took over a year and a half, and multiple hearings.
They ended up getting a lawyer, but it seems like they don’t charge you upfront, they just take part of whatever they get you.
I also found out that they back pay you disability as well, he just got a check for 15k.
That’s correct. Every lawyer who specializes in Social Security disability cases will charge a percentage of the award and not an upfront hourly fee. If you hire an attorney, it’s very important to make sure it’s someone who specializes in SS disability, because if they’re not familiar with the procedures they could screw it up big time.
Reemul
1568
Well I lose my job 2 weeks today, 1 month of gardening leave and June the 1st that is it, Well I actually had a job offer, my current company has lost a contract and we are being transfered to a new company who dont want us so we are being made redundant. My old company said no worries blah blah blah there is always a job for you with us, that was until yesterday when they rang and politely said get lost.
Not a great surprise really but it does mean I will need to be more agressive now re finding something, I have 6 months before money will be tight so not the end of the world but this currrent time period is really dragging and it will be nice to get it over with. I mean my company is chasing £100,000 of additional billing and getting me to do all the dirty work as it’s worth £2,000 bonus to me but it’s very difficult to say more than if you had done your job properly in the first place and not gone against my advice we wouldnt be in this position instead of saying sure no worries i’ll fix it.
Not that it’s any consolation Reemul, but the same thing happened to me with my previous employer. I hope you have the same good fortune finding a new position that I had.
Heh, yeah. Everyone at the top of my org is assuring us that the lean period we’re in the midst of is healthy and that our many recent changes only reflect a “potential for growth” and shit like that. And that they won’t fire ANYONE.
But fact is, we’re spending $1.5m/year on $1.2m in income, and that’s unsteady at best. Our reserves started at nearly a million and will be down to $150K this fiscal year. And with salary/benefits making up just under 50% of our total annual costs, welp. . .
Trying very hard not to have a head in sand attitude about this, but after my last 5-month-long job search Hell that blew my entire savings away (never did get around to recovering them, either), I can’t imagine slogging through another one :-/
So are you actively looking, Armando? It seems like its better to jump ship now while you’re employed.
Yeah. Work and life have both been disgustingly busy the last couple of months, so not as much as I should, but the money’s not running out till December or so barring the unexpected :-/
Reemul
1573
Well that is it for me, as of 15.30 BST or 5 minutes ago am I now offically on garden leave and no more work for 2 months.
Feels a bit strange sitting here thinking no work next week and the need to think about getting a new job in a few months.
The main thing I am going to do is learn to drive a car, I have a full motorbike license but not a car so am definitely going to learn to drive.
Saying that the wife has a few jobs lined up for me as well.
JonRowe
1574
As someone that got let go. It is far easier to get a job while employed than getting a job while unemployed.
I hear this a lot and I don’t get it. What makes it easier? Do you mean it feels more stressful to be without a job and in need of a job, and that being less stressed makes it easier to interview well? Because otherwise, it just doesn’t make any sense to me. If you’re not working, you have more time to call people for leads and go to interviews and such. If you’re working you have to go to work everyday and fit all that other stuff in somehow.
Those things matter, perhaps. But the main reason is because you look more desireable to an employer. While the truth may be that you’re unemployed for no fault of own, and without anything to do with performance, but a prospective employer isn’t necessarily going to be able to shake that feeling that you’re out of a job for cause.
Additionally, any significant length of unemployment may read like you’re unable to quickly secure a position, which could signal a number of things. That includes signalling that you don’t have much leverage and reducing the need for the future employer to give you a really attractive offer (which they would need to do to lure you away from a current employer).
Gil102
1577
I think much of it depends on where you live. I’ve been looking for a same or better job in Utah for over 6 months now without even one interview. Our unemployment rate is under 6% (1.7% for my field as of a month and a half ago), I’ve re-written my resume twice, and have had three different headhunting/employment services call me with potential jobs yet none ever pan out. I was certainly not prepared for this level of demoralization. I’ve been constantly employed full-time since 1995 and have never had to look for another job more than a month to find one. The only thing I can think of that hurts me is my age…turned 40 recently. God I hope those of you looking for employment have better luck than I have, especially if you are unemployed.
The thing about leverage is a good point. I had an offer from an agency and he quoted me an hourly rate. Let’s say the guy’s name is John. I told him that I couldn’t accept because I was in the middle of a loop with another company, and he immediately increased the offer by a significant amount – 8%. I didn’t have to prove there was another company or anything. There was nothing to sign. He just wanted me to agree to take the job with his group. I actually did have another company I was working with, but I avoided his questions about who they were, answering them all as vaguely as I could because it didn’t feel right for me me to give him too much information beyond what I was asking for: a few days to give him an answer. He accepted all of this without issue. It made me wonder why people don’t just say they have another company waiting in the wings, even if they don’t. I’m not some big shrewd deals-guy who knows how to play hardball or anything. It just worked out the way it did. I ended up going with the other company, but I’ll never forget how ready John was to raise my wage.
And I’m now in the ranks of the unemployed. Fun.
— Alan
