Just Say No To Ziplock


Tiny plastic bags used to sell small quantities of heroin, crack cocaine, marijuana and other drugs would be banned in Chicago, under a crackdown advanced Tuesday by a City Council committee. Ald. Robert Fioretti (2nd) persuaded the Health Committee to ban possession of "self-sealing plastic bags under two inches in either height or width," after picking up 15 of the bags on a recent Sunday afternoon stroll through a West Side park.

Lt. Kevin Navarro, commanding officer of the Chicago Police Department's Narcotics and Gang Unit, said the ordinance will be an "important tool" to go after grocery stores, health food stores and other businesses.

A bold new stance from Chicago in the War On Freshness.

Will they nab my kids when they walk around with little ziplocks with Goldfish crackers and such in them?

Yes, but more importantly, they will also ‘go after’ grocery stores, health food stores and other businesses for supplying them.

Goldfish crackers are a gateway snack.

This will go down in history as one of the most genius* suggestions ever.


If you outlaw baggies then only outlaws will have baggies.

I use tons of those things for game pieces.

Criminal gamers!

Actually, I’ve wondered about who retails these bags myself. They’re really small - about 1-2" on a side. This is not the small sandwich bag I in which I pack my kid’s lunches. These are tiny, tiny bags good for holding a couple screws. Or some crack.

There’s no point to the ban, obviously. Supply and demand will reveal some other means of holding crack cocaine for the retail market. But I used to walk to Columbia from my apartment on 125th and marvel at the enormous number of tiny, empty plastic bags carpeting the upper reaches of Riverside Park.

I, for one, welcome our new baggieless overlords.

They should just call it the War on Common Sense and be done with it. Stupid measures like this, mandatory minimums, and all the other unbelievable shit they’ve come up with simply defy reason.

“Hello sir, I would like to purchase some crack.”

“Crack you say? I happen to have some in stock. How much would you like?”

“Well, I just robbed a store and rolled a homeless guy, so I’ll have your finest rock.”

“Very good sir, will there be anything else today?”

“No, thank you.”

“Here you are, then.”

" . . ."

“Is something amiss sir?”

“I perceive that you have placed my crack rock in a folded piece of paper, rather than the usual small plasticine bag.”

“We apologize sir, but unfortunately the bag to which you refer is no longer available in this area.”

“Ah, I see. In that case, I’m afraid I won’t be purchasing this crack after all.”

“I’m very disappointed to hear that. I will endeavour to obtain a supply of small bags forthwith.”

“Let me know when you do, good vendor, and I shall resume smoking that sweet, sweet pipe.”

I really don’t see how this can fail to stop drug use completely.


I like how you can just hear the monocles in that dialogue.

Or game pieces for boardgames.

A friend of mine bought piles of them from the local party store (so maybe they’re for party favors?). He bought a lot of boardgames and was a total neatnik about everything being in a bag when it was put away. He was sure the cashiers there thought he was a drug dealer.

How about all the old people who use these small bags to carry their medication?

I think they use boxes for that. less chance of crushing the pills.

but, yeah, i think there are only two uses for the small 1’inch baggies: distributing cocaine and storing small board game pieces/computer case screws.

Beads. I buy my small baggies (for storing board game parts, or course) at bead stores.

oh, and fish hooks. you can put a bunch of fish hooks and small lead weights in them.

and buttons. you can put your spare buttons into them to keep them together with the shirt/jackets they go with.

And spare buttons. Sometimes when I buy shirts or sweaters with buttons, they come with a little baggie of that size, containing a spare button.

Edit: doh! too slow

This is a more compelling reason to ban them forever, everywhere.