Remember that predators have INFRARED VISION, so apply WET MUD liberally before leaving the house.
As a side benefit, this keeps your skin WRINKLE-FREE and YOUTHFUL, removing all those worry lines you got from thinking that every single man is out to KILL YOU.
Now I’m totally freaked out. I’m calling 911.
-Tom
“You dial 9-1. Then, when I say so, dial 1 again!”
If thrown into the trunk of a car, KICK OUT THE BACK TAIL LIGHT AND STICK YOUR ARM OUT THE HOLE AND WAVE. The other drivers will see this and call for help.
Or they’ll just wave back. That’s what I’d do.
One time I got into my girlfriend’s car, and there was a homeless guy in the backseat. I said “Uh, hello” and my girlfriend said “What the fuck?” and the guy in the backseat said “Can you give me a ride?” and then some other homeless guy ran up to the car, opened the back door and said “I’m gonna kill you, motherfucker” and started punching the guy in the backseat. Then my girlfriend said “What ever your problem is, you need to take it outside and out of my car” and the big homeless guy said “good idea” and dragged the other fellow into the parking lot and started beating the shit out of him. We drove home and later found a piece of mechanical junk that the homeless guy had dropped in the backseat. We threw it in the garbage.
ALWAYS RUN If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, you should always run. A running target is hit 4 in 100 times and even then it most likely will not be a vital organ, so preferably run in a zigzag pattern.
Predators are STUPID, and will likely run after you in the same zigzag instead of a straight line.
…if this happens DO NOT DRIVE OFF like they tell you, instead speed into anything which will wreck the car…
That’s a shame. It was a time machine.
Whatever you do, for the love of god DO NOT BE SYMPATHETIC. Otherwise you may be tempted to VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS and other TERRORISTS.
And remember that if this is in fact the end times and CTHULHU HAS AWOKEN FROM HIS DREAMS that you most likely WANT TO BE EATEN FIRST.
It doesn’t mention that, are you sure you shouldn’t crash your car into something?
That elbow thing is totally a lie btw. Women, pay attention:
The strongest part of your body is the SIDE SUTO, make sure to suto your enemies wherever you find them.
Also remember that if you are a passenger in a car and the driver starts speeding away from the police, YOU SHOULD PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT because otherwise you are just as guilty as they are and THE POLICE SHOULD KILL YOU.
Also remember that Terminators are EVEN WORSE. Hang out near INDUSTRIAL CRUSHERS as much as possible.
Unfortunately, if the Earth is attacked by mysterious tripods, your only chance is to hope they are TOO STUPID TO CHECK THE ATMOSPHERE and all die of the sniffles.
The police have not verified this, but have had several calls.
The “stuck in a trunk” one gives me the funniest mental image.
I want to meet this Marilyn… in a well lit area, away from any vans.
After the crash, get out and run.
This is better than your body being found in a remote location.
Speed into something but do selective damage?
Still, I suppose being found wrapped around a lamp post and having to be cut out of the wreckage probably is better than being found in the woods.
If thrown into the trunk of a car, KICK OUT THE BACK TAIL LIGHT AND STICK YOUR ARM OUT THE HOLE AND WAVE. The other drivers will see this and call for help.
Wouldn’t this require them to be sympathetic? I’m thinking they didn’t think through this.
ALWAYS use the elevator especially at night.
But what if it is night time and the building is on fire? :( :( :(
A running target is hit 4 in 100 times and even then it most likely it [sic] will not be a vital organ
Just think of it as that tonsillectomy you always wanted.
I’m seeing a lot of fearmongering about guys with vans, and it ain’t right.
