Keys to Finding a Good Therapist?

So, Life’s taking an interesting turn right now. Maybe. I dunno.

Sorry, I suck balls at this. Probably why I’m looking for a therapist.

How do you go about sussing a decent one out from the pack? Searching just leads me to a half a dozen pay-for-membership listing sites where everyone’s an expert in every field and the search does more to help me find a blonde 40-something male therapist than someone who, y’know, seems like they could help me get through my shit.

Their names are followed by a government budget spreadsheet’s worth of acronyms I don’t understand, and every one of them claims to follow a magical formula of hokey-sounding techniques and methodologies, all of which are either complete bumpkin or the best thing since sliced bread, depending which Google result you click.

How do you navigate all that shit so you’re not dropping six hours and a grand on someone who’s gonna tell you to write your feelings out in macaroni and tape it to the fridge?

This is a toughie, to be told. I went through several therapists before I found one that clicked, and I feel really fortunate I did. A few things I’d be mindful of based on my own experiences would be:

  • Engagement - How engaged does the therapist seem with you? Do they ask good, solid, probing questions, try to maintain eye contact and so on? I had a therapist fall asleep on me…twice. Don’t let that happen to you.
  • Medications - I had one therapist who, I felt, was way too quick to prescribe me medications. Like, in the midst of the first session. That felt a bit…odd, so I’d be wary of that as well. Though medication is a personal thing, and maybe it is needed right out of the gate, I still feel it’s something to be mindful of.
  • Chemistry - Seriously, this is super important. If you don’t click with your therapist from early on, it might be time to try a new one. The therapist with whom I had my biggest breakthroughs had great chemistry with me from moment one.
  • Pushiness - I had one therapist near-insist I come back on a near-daily basis (granted, I was fairly messed up, but c’mon now). If they’re pushing you toward something you don’t feel comfortable with, like overtly repeated visits and such, rather than making wanting to come back feel more organic, it might be time to move on from that therapist.

I hope this helps a bit. I’m very lucky in that the last two therapists I’ve seen I’ve mainly stumbled upon, but had amazing chemistry right off the bat, which helped so much. You might have to go through more than one therapist to find one that clicks, but if you stick in-network (assuming you have insurance) that’ll help keep costs down.

The best therapist I ever had, though, was a student at a college teaching mental health professionals which saw patients on a sliding scale, however, so make sure you keep your options open. Again, hope this helps!

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

But an even better one sortable on a number of options:
http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

My sister specializes in family and drug counseling/therapy. Definitely, seek out a specialist for the help you need.
Wish I could help you more, man. Good luck in this endeavor.

I was looking for a male who could meet after regular 9-5 working hours who took my medical plan.

I spent about a month with that simple checklist and when I finally figured out that I wasn’t going to be able to get what I wanted I had a pile of correspondence (e-mail) with different people. I looked through the e-mail and found the one that felt best, called her up and told her I had refused my doctor’s offer of medication but I needed her services for depression.

I won’t say that she has been a life saver, but having someone elses perspective on my life has really helped me out quite a bit. In truth having her look me in the eye and say “yeah after what you’ve been through for the past year and given where you are in life you SHOULD be depressed” was one of the best things that has happened to me in the last year.

BTW The deal breaker on my checklist was finding somebody who would meet outside regular working hours. FWIW my wife did find that (for other issues) and was having appointments end at 11:30 at night which might not have been the best thing anyway.

Enthusiastic endorsement of @BrianRubin’s advice.

I also benefited from a therapist who told me I was actually doing pretty well with the madness of my last two years, and got me onto some mental strategies/frameworks that helped me manage my stress and anxiety without medication. Well, reaffirmed what I was already kinda doing, but that totally helped.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a wonderful thing. For a lot of people in a lot of situations, anyway; I wouldn’t pretend to describe it as a panacea or anything.

Yeah, @BrianRubin 's advice is solid. My wife is a therapist, and I’d heartily recommend her, but we live in Brazil, so I doubt that’s a viable option for you. :)

Anyway, Brian’s advice sounds a lot like what I know my wife would say. Empathy/chemistry is perhaps the most important thing, so keep that in mind.

Since I’m in the all-but-dissertation (ABD) stage of my PhD in Clinical Psychology and working part-time as a therapist following my full-year clinical internship, I hope to be able to help you with your search. It’s really a failure of the profession at large that someone as savvy as you can’t figure this out with the resources available.

First off, the laundry list of acronyms. The field is all about empirically supported treatments right now. That means that more than a few, decent peer-reviewed scientific studies have been done to demonstrate that a form of therapy is effective. There’s a debate in the field whether or not these studies really get at the true effectiveness of therapy for a bunch of reasons I won’t get into now, but basically, the only ethically practiced therapies are ones for which there is some evidence to show it works. It can’t just be the therapist pulling something out of thin air and calling therapy, like “Hug Therapy” or what have you. In terms of empirically validated therapies, the biggest number of studies have been done on: CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), Psychodynamic Therapy (Brief or otherwise), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), and probably a few others I don’t remember.

Personally, I practice primarily using a CBT model, with the addition of some Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) techniques I picked up along the way, as those forms of therapies made up a large part of my training and matched up with my personality. In a first session, I always explain my method of treatment, and inform my clients that they should use our first two or three sessions to get a feel for me and my style. Because, as others have mentioned, your fit with your therapist is critical. Several good studies have shown that therapeutic alliance (i.e., the strength and quality of the relationship between client and therapist) is the most important factor in therapeutic outcomes. So, what it comes down to: You need to audition therapists. And unfortunately, you really can’t do that by reading their bio on a Web site. It means you have to put yourself out there a bit, and meet with some people and tell them your story. In return, you should be feeling them out. And if they don’t feel like someone you can work with, then stop and move on. It is completely normal to try out a few therapists before finding the right one.

There’s a solid body of evidence on “common factors”, things like that therapeutic alliance and therapist allegiance to their treatment modality of choice I mentioned, showing up as the most important predictors of successful therapy. So, when it comes right down to it, don’t stress too much about the alphabet soup of therapeutic techniques. Just find a someone with whom you can be comfortably open and honest. In return, you should feel acceptance, a non-judgemental stance, and empathy. Earlier @inactive_user mentioned finding it helpful to just be validated by his therapist. It’s a key element of a good therapy, and any therapist worth visiting will do it well.

I’m happy to go into a lot more detail, or provide you with more info, but I already feel as if I’ve typed too much. So, feel free to ask away, either in a PM or here. I’ll do my best to answer any questions you might have.

What can you do if you get involved with a terrible therapist? I realize this is all very subjective, but I’m just curious. Is there any kind of watchdog entity for the profession?

I may have this wrong, but therapy seems like the kind of thing where you can hang out your shingle for, say, a second career without very much investment. I was looking for a therapist a few years back and the sense I got was that (like drug treatment), it’s filled with therapists who have been struggling with depression or anxiety most of their lives, have come to some sort of equilibrium with their demons, and now they’re offering therapy based largely on their own personal experience. I’m not saying there is anything necessarily wrong with that approach, but it doesn’t fill me with confidence.

This seems all very negative, but just to point out that I have enjoyed therapy a lot in my life, and even some of the inexperienced therapists I met back in my rehab days were really helpful. Nonetheless, it’s tough to find a good one, and a bad one is just horrible.

The answer to your questions and comments involve specific jurisdictions and professional bodies (boards, colleges, orders). I can’t speak for much outside of Quebec, where I live and work, since it’s the area where I am most familiar with the rules and regulations governing psychologists and the practice of “psychotherapy”, which is a term and practice protected by provincial law in terms of what it is, and who can offer it. Things may be different where you live.

In Quebec, in order to do psychotherapy, you must be a licensed psychologist, trainee supervised by one, or an allied health care professional (e.g., psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse, social worker) who is approved to do psychotherapy by the professional order of psychologists (the OPQ, Ordre des Psychologues du Quebec). Each state and province has its own professional body who would field complaints of “bad” therapy, investigate the therapist and act to discipline them. Unfortunately, although the terms psychotherapy and psychotherapist are protected in some areas, there are people who get around this by calling themselves “life coaches” or something similar, so that they are ungoverned by any laws or governing body. In that case, you get what you pay for. It’s like going to a someone for legal help who isn’t a member of a state bar association. So, it’s in the consumer’s interest to consult with your national or state professional organization governing clinical psychologists prior to choosing a therapist. Most people do this for insurance coverage purposes anyways. The national professional organizations (in the US, it’s the American Psychological Association) are primarily advocates for the profession, and can help you find a licensed psychologist in your area, but they are not directly responsible for discipline and investigation. If you want to file a complaint against a psychologist, the Association of State and Provincial Psychology Boards is a good place to start, as they maintain a section labelled “Public” (which is on a crummy Web site so I can’t link) which specifically gives advice on how to do so in your jurisdiction and a list of state and provincial board contact information.

That’s for psychologists. If your therapist is a psychiatrist, you’ll have to seek out the local medical board. Same for nurses or social workers, they each have their own governing/licensing/supervising bodies.

As for hanging out your shingle with little investment, I’ve been in graduate school and supervised practice/internship for over six years (yes, beyond my Bachelor’s degree). It’s not the kind of thing you just decide to do on a whim.

In terms of your comment about therapists struggling with their own mental illness, well, those disorders are present in a sizeable percentage of the population at any time, and therapists are often vicariously exposed to very dark things, so there may be even higher percentages still in the profession. With that said, we are all encouraged to get peer supervision to help with the difficult cases, and seek out our own therapy when needed. One certainly doesn’t need to have been addicted to successful treat addiction, nor have had an anxiety disorder to treat anxiety. I do know therapists who do treat disorders they’ve dealt with personally, but I also know many that do not do that, for fear of being overwhelmed. It really depends on the individual, and what they think they can ethically treat. Yes, a shared experience can help with therapy, but if the therapist isn’t careful, it can also lead to false assumptions about their client’s actual experience. So, it really depends on treatment modality and comfort level.

Hope this helps.

Armando - I just wanted to give you a big hug and I hope things go OK. :)

Thanks, @jpinard, and to all who responded. Some really good, solid discussion here that I hope to put to good use. Lots to be done, I think.

Hope you managed to find some suitable help Armando?

I’m also currently looking to find a therapist and am a bit overwhelmed by the amount of facets in the field and not sure how to even start to find someone. I understand that one needs to click / gel with the therapist and its advisable to try out different ones, but here the normal waiting time for a first session is 3-5 months which has been putting me off for a while now. Also it feels like I’m blindly throwing a dart at a wall and seeing what name it lands on and then somehow hoping that it fits by the time I finally get to see him/her… I gather that it makes sense to book multiple sessions with different therapists, but the time factor really is off-putting. Though obviously, if I never start then it’ll won’t happen!

I found a guy I got on well enough with, who seemed reasonably academic in his methods and tactics. No frou-frou healing crystals or intimations about god’s will or whatever.

Did a few sessions. It was a time-suck, and mostly reminded me that most of my issues arise from lack of motivation, not a biochemical inability to accomplish. We didn’t dig into some other stuff I would have liked to before I burned out. Just sort of coasting right now, because there’s too much going on in life to do much else.

That’s really true, yes :)

Good friend of mine is also going through a resurfacing of some of her old depression issues, another battling incredible anxiety, and of course, my gf is fighting against both. So if you’re ever on the market for a therapist in the Raleigh area, between all of us, I could probably put together a pretty comprehensive list by now, heh

Glad you managed to find some help and hope you’re ok coasting along. I’m not really in a crisis, but am also struggling with motivation and generally just “keeping on keeping on”. Additionally I lost my mom a few months ago which was very dramatic (dad passed away 20 years ago), so feeling a bit rudderless and lonely currently (also don’t have a partner at the moment).

Anyway, guess I’ll have to dive in and see what I can find…

Cormac, a lot of my colleagues advertise on Psychology Today, which has a decent search tool for finding psychologists in your area.

I’m rather surprised by those wait times for a first session, unless you’re looking to be treated in a public institution at no cost? Or perhaps you’re in a small area with limited people practicing? In Montreal, 6 months to a year on a wait list would be about right to be seen for free at a hospital, but that’s because psychotherapy is not covered by the public health system in Canada, so the majority of psychologists are in private practice. In private practice, in a major city, a month wait would be considered long.

In terms of finding a good fit, it is a bit random, but if you ask yourself a few questions, it may help in narrowing down your target list. First, are you comfortable seeing a male therapist? A female one? Is it OK if they’re younger than you? A lot older? A different racial or cultural background? That can make a difference, for some people. Then, what level of education do you want to see? Would you be satisfied with someone with a Masters degree in Counseling? Or does it need to be a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology? Does the school at which they trained matter to you? And finally, there’s treatment modality (i.e., therapeutic orientation). Here’s my brief summary of a couple with the “key” words:

  1. Psychodynamic therapy: also known as brief psychodynamic, psychoanalytic, Freudian, Jungian, etc… These are people who have some evidence behind their treatment approach, and tend to focus on unconscious or subconscious impulses. Interpretation is generally the goal of therapy, achieved through a variety of processes like discussion of dreams, stream of consciousness in session, probing into childhood experiences. It is felt that when “true” interpretations are offered, understood, and absorbed, positive change will follow. Psychodynamic clinicians tend to be less directive, and quieter in sessions, offering mostly a “blank screen” (they may literally sit out of view), and the occasional interpretation that they will validate with you.

  2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: aka CBT, focuses on the “triad” of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours and they way in which they all inter-relate. It has the largest body of peer reviewed research showing its effectiveness. Focus is primarily on the “cognitive” aspect, as that is the area considered most effective to target in disorders such as anxiety and depression. Behaviour is also considered very critical, and you will be challenged each session to do “homework”, agreed to in session, something challenging but certainly doable, each week. Sometimes it’s something like recording the chatter or thoughts in your own head and capturing the linked emotion, sometimes it’s pushing boundaries through exposing yourself to a hierarchy of things that make you anxious. There’s a lot of providing tools to manage stress, depression, and anxiety, and some of those tools include things like meditation (a big part of Mindfullness Based Cognitive Therapy, a “third-wave” form of CBT), acceptance (ACT, another third wave CBT therapy), or self-compassion. Therapists here tend to be more collaborative and will often engage in education or socratic questioning to move clients along. CBT is also more problem focused and goal based. You may not necessarily dive very deeply into childhood issues and traumas, although such things are never ignored if they come up naturally in session.

Sitting between those big two are more eclectic or integrative forms of therapy. There I include Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), which I’ve studied and trained it a bit. It’s a bit of a bridge between psychodynamic and CBT, with the primary focus being emotions, and the difficulties inherent in their experience for some people. They can be overwhelming, but in a safe space, accessing and experiencing strong emotions can be a helpful and healing experience. There’s also Schema Therapy, a sub-discipline of CBT, that does get more into formative childhood experiences, so in that it’s also a bridge between CBT and psychodynamic therapy.

There are several other psychotherapeutic techniques (e.g., Motivational Interviewing (MI)), Systems or Family Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) etc… which are often employed very effectively on their own, or in combination with other forms of therapy. And, hard truth time, research has shown that it might not matter all that much which form of treatment you pick, it’s probably the “common factors” that have the most impact. What matters most are things like your alliance with your therapist; your therapists allegiance to their treatment method (yes, they have to believe in what they’re doing); your comfort with your treatment methodology (you have to believe in what you’re doing).

Hope this helps somewhat!

I want to try online voice chat therapy. With someone licensed somewhere credible like California, or other big powerful states. Sorry Montana!

I am just way too lazy to schlep my ass across town to see someone in person.

I used to be more of a proponent of tele-therapy. Now I consider it a useful tool to work with someone who lives in a remote location where in person therapy is impossible, or to have a session or two with an ongoing client who is away for work or personal reasons.

No matter how high resolution the screen, there is nothing like a face to face interaction when it comes to truly communicating. Posture, micro expressions, tiny gestures, all potentially lost online.

I’ll be frank, from a therapist’s point of view, your reluctance to “schlep your ass across town” speaks to a certain level of ambivalence that is both completely understandable and will also be something at which you might want to take a closer look. Perhaps now is not the right time, or perhaps you’re not convinced therapy is right for you. Both, as I said, very understandable. And there are plenty of other reasons I can’t imagine! All I can offer is that if you do find a good therapeutic match, then you’ll feel the inconvenience well worth it.

I work from home, so I rarely go out except with the kids. Compared to people who drive somewhere every day, I go a whole week without touching a car.

Also if it’s the “micro face” stuff you want to see, there’s always video…

It’s really just not the same. You’ll just have to take my word on it.

I don’t know why you’re considering therapy, but may I venture an unsolicited opinion? What you just described sounds quite isolated, even though I understand that you’re interacting with your family daily. Perhaps the routine you’re describing may actually be part of the problem? I know from reading your posts over the years that you have always wanted to foster empathy online with your software, and I think that’s a laudable goal. But there’s nothing online like the synchrony between client and therapist that can be achieved during a good therapy session. And I think you might benefit from that experience, if only as an experiment to see if I’m right!

It’s not my intention to do forum therapy, of course, just to get you to question your current situation in the hopes that it helps you decide whether or not you’re needing to make some changes in order to improve things for yourself. And I’m sorry I haven’t directly answered your question about how to locate a therapist for tele-therapy. I just can’t, both practically because I’ve never looked into how to do that, and ethically, because I’m not convinced it would be the most helpful for you. Perhaps someone else could offer more guidance if that remains your goal?

I’m hopeful it’s at least partially from several of us urging him to do so. If you haven’t read it, please see this thread:

https://forum.quartertothree.com/t/roy-batty-knew-how-to-die-so-why-dont-i