Lord of the Rings - What about second trilogy?

Just announced are that the new rights-holders of the Lord of the Rings universe have partnered with New Line Cinema / Warner Bros to bring ‘multiple’ new Lord of the Rings films based on the books.

Rumors are that it will retell the same story we know and love but in the found footage genre.

After all, why not?

Why shouldn’t I make another trilogy?

All we have to decide is what to do with the franchise rights that is given to us.

Zaslav:

Come not between the Mogûl and his projected earnings! Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the movie houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy wealth shall be devoured, and thy shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Popcorn Machine.

I will only be okay with this if Stephen Colbert tells me to be okay with this. Cause outside of that, I’m not.

I forsee nothing good. The Hobbit and The Rings of Power were both…not good.

I have unexpectedly high hopes for the animated War of the Rohirrim though.

Hahahahahaha Oh man. These movies are gonna suuuuuuuuuuuck.

Unfortunately, I’ll see every one of them.

Edit: Wait a minute. It seems WBD has initial run theatrical release film rights but Middle-Earth Enterprises will retain the rights for making movies specifically for streaming first. WTF.

I’m watching the originals right now with my new 4k DVD set. They are still glorious.

If they want to re-release them, just re-render the Gollum CG so he looks less cartoony and change nothing else.

Nope. You’re gonna get Gollum redone with AI voicework mimicking Serkis while Channing Tatum plays Frodo and Anthony Mackie plays Sam.

Both too old. Anthony Mackie will be Gandalf and Channing Tatum will be Aragorn.

Frodo will be some young star like the kid from Dune. And Samwise will be Zendaya, she’ll be Samanthawise Gamgee. This trilogy, along with Dune, will cause these two actors to fall in love and she’ll break up with Tom Holland.

Nice!

I wish we were totally joking, but you know Zaslav had some of these folks on calls before the ink was even dry.

As a goodwill fan service gesture, Elijah Wood will play Bilbo Baggins. Bilbo will get his own HBO Max spinoff series set between the events of The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, in which we see Bilbo discover a time traveling ring and accidently finds himself in modern day New York.

EDIT: Wait, sorry, that’s ridiculous and I’m not thinking like a successful studio exec trusted to oversee a multi-billion dollar IP.

Bilbo will find himself not in New York but in Gotham City, where he will come into conflict with Batman.

Do we really need nine characters in a Fellowship of a Ring? Maybe if we just had a good guy, a bad guy who is secretly a good guy, and a girl, maybe get a love triangle going?

(If they made a movie about the Eagles, it would probably do well, especially in Philly.)

Remaking The Lord of the Rings is terrible idea.

If they were smart they would just do early Third Age AKA Angmar vs Arnor. It has the Witch-King, Elrond, and Glorfindel…fucking finally.

The expansion to Battle for Middle-earth II also covers this period, but from the Witch-king’s perspective which is still kind of neat.

Normally you guys are a bunch of curmudgeons but this thread is full of wonderful ideas today.

The Elijah wood lead spinoff will be

Bilbo!

He lives a normal life in the shire, after the events of LOTR, and is often visited by his crazy friend Tom Bombadil, who will come bursting into the hobbit hole with crazy ideas and schemes. His friend Samwise Gamgee is always in relationship trouble and is constantly complaining about everything.

Uhh… Tolkien didn’t really write any female characters so… there will be an Elaine analogue too.

Éowyn feels like Tolkien’s largest attempt at tackling a female character.

The rest: Galadriel, Melian the Maia, Luthien, Haleth, etc are simply noteworthy due to how incredibly remarkable they are.

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins too but mostly something about spoons.

The lack of female characters in Tolkiens work reminds me of this great xkcd