I’m sorry to hear about your father’s decline, Jeff. But please don’t beat yourself up, I have no doubt your dad loves you and is proud of you. Despite everything life has thrown your way, you always seem like a a good person, a gentle, kind soul. What father wouldn’t be proud of having a son grow into that type of person? Please take care of yourself as best you can in the coming days and weeks.
Dammit, Jeff, I’m so sorry this is happening. What a terrible time to have to deal with this. Does being on hospice treatment mean he gets to be at home? I hope so, and that that is at least some comfort to you.
You absolutely should not feel guilty about how your illness impacted your dad’s life–as a father, I can tell you this without any doubt. Sure, you both might wish you never have to deal with any such tribulations, but your father would never want anything else than to be at his son’s side through all of it. And for his son to end up being the kind of man you are… I’m sure he has no regrets on that front.
dfs gave great advice: Put aside the stresses of the wider world–they’re out of your control anyway. Take this time to focus on your dad, mom, and sisters. And don’t feel like it’s on you to be the strong one all the time. You’ll get through it by being strong for each other, every one of you.
I’ll be praying for all of you, my friend.
This is horrible news, to state the obvious. I’m so sorry, Jeff. If you need a shoulder or anything, I’m here for you as I’m sure are the rest of us. Please take the time you need and be good to yourself.
I’m sorry you have to go through this; hang in there.
I’m really sorry Jeff, your dad sounds like an amazing guy and the world will be poorer without him. I hope you and your mum are able to hold on with each other’s support.
I don’t have anything to add, other than I also wish you hang in there.
As a father myself I can confirm this. Don’t feel guilty for the sacrifices of your father. I would do anything for my children and your father obviously would too. The real tragedy would have been for his son to go before him.
Hey Jeff, have a warm virtual hug from me. Yes it sucks. But it’s ok. It’s nature. What lives grows, procreates, watches its progeny grow, then dies.
As a parent myself, I can second the opinion wholeheartedly that time spent supporting your children is not wasted, it’s time spent in the most meaningful way thinkable.
Be grateful you are in a position to be there as he goes, to usher him out as he ushered you in. When I think back of my own dad’s passing, I look back on that with gratitude and gladness.
Hang tough buddy. One love. You’ll be allright.
He may not make it home. His CO2 keeps climbing, and per covid rules the only person who can be at the hospital with him is my Mom, and that’s just a limited amount of time each day.
I’m at home just staring at my screen not sure what to do. I may not be able to say good bye.
Can you talk to him over the phone? Or call your mom and have her hold the phone for him? If not then maybe writing something down for him would work. I know he will appreciate anything you can do.
Your father knows you love him, you clearly have a strong bond. It’s probably one of the few things he is sure of in this sometimes awful world.
Hang in there. I don’t say that with a lack of things to say; I lost my father more than a decade ago and it’s really the best you can do.
The team just said they would try to get him home tomorrow afternoon so we can be around him. I meet with hospice in the morning to coordinate.
Sorry to hear about this, stay strong.
Good, just a few more rounds. You can do this Jeff.
Rough news, Jeff, very sorry about your dad’s situation. If there’s anything I can help with, don’t hesitate to let me know.
I am sorry to hear about your dad. Losing your parents is a tough thing that most of us will go through. My wife and I lost the last of the four this past March. Sadly it is a part of life.
Very sorry to hear this, Jeff.
I am really sorry to ask this, and don’t feel you have to answer if it’s too painful, but for those that lost a loved one during this epidemic or @Abif @Rock8man how did you handle the funeral and visitation?
In the past, our extended family would rent out a hall and have it catered where family and friends could talk and relax after the visitation. I don’t want any of this to turn into a super-spreader event, but I want my Mom to be able to experience the love and support people have for her and my father. I don’t know what limits to set. We won’t rent a hall, but if we have limits at the visitation, do we even allow hugging? I don’t want covid to take anyone out. How do you balance the need for affection with safety? My heart says one thing and my brain says something totally different and I simply don’t know how to balance it.
We had a small outdoor event at the cemetery itself. Everyone was standing away from each other with masks on. Some people spoke, and then we lowered the body into the grave. We also had the same concerns, so we didn’t really have a follow up, but we did go to my brother’s house, just the brothers and we reminisced outdoor with masks on, telling stories.
This was during the summer where it was a lot more viable to be outdoors for everything. I’m not sure if it’s too cold for you to do that where you’re at.
How about you do an outside memorial later, say next spring. Plant a tree on his ashes while everybody tells stories of how awesome he was.
You hanging in there bud? Almost there.
My old man was weird about it. He explicitly stated he did not want any of the traditional services at a crematorium. When I asked him what he did want, it was remarkably easy to implement. I loaded his remains into his campervan like a bundle of wood, drove to the place and delivered him at the back gate. Week later we got an urn, and we had a memorial about a year later. With the tree and stuff. It was far easier than I envisaged the thing to be.
Of course this was before covid, but looking back at it, it would have pretty much worked today, as there was no throng of singing, weeping people in a sterile but badly ventilated venue.