The epic (hah!) battle between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Steelers is now in the books, and a hard-fought battle it was. Starting from the opening kickoff, the Bucs’ first drive featured a forced fumble (they recovered) and some deflected passes. They punt to the Steelers’ new free agent punt returner, Davarius Tanelus (rookie, Rivendell Polytechnic). Dave is known for his 95 Speed, 97 Acceleration, and 13 Awareness. So of course he fumbles the punt return and thankfully a Steelers body falls on top of it. Pittsburgh goes four-and-out and we figure this will be a defensive struggle.
In a manner of speaking…
A fumble by the Bucs is picked up by Evander “Fat ‘n’ Jolly” Hood, who rumbles forward 23 yards for the score. Evander usually doesn’t move 20 yards in one stretch unless donuts are involved, so cheers for the fat lad.
On the next Bucs’ series, we figure that English will continue his aerial assault, so we call a zone blitz. Shockingly, he opts for an off-tackle run with Derrick Ward. Also shockingly, his right tackle decides it’s naptime and falls down, allowing Aaron Smith to come in with the Clothesline From Hell and knock Ward into another plane of consciousness. Un-, specifically.
Broken collarbone: out 7 weeks.
Karma almost comes back on us later, when Heath Miller runs a slant route on a play-action pass and tries to hurdle the free safety, only to be hit simultaneously by the free safety and a stealthed cornerback that was coming in like an anti-air missile. Ever seen that clip where John Elway gets double-hit so hard he spins in midair like a helicopter? Yeah, that happened to my star TE. Thankfully, he held onto the ball and crashed down in the end zone.
Tampa Bay finally got on the board when their senior citizen corner Ronde Barber picked off a pass meant for Hines, and ran it back 47 yards for a pick-six. Of course, 30 seconds later Ben rockets the ball over to Brandon Gibson, who a) doesn’t drop it for once, and b) actually breaks a tackle before sprinting 83 yards for the score to bring it to the half 31-7.
Second half, Ben comes out for a series to be replaced by our rookie Dane Morrow, the archetypical pocket QB with a howitzer for an arm and shoes of concrete. He throws a pick, but we get it right back and retaliate with a 17 yard scoring connection to Santonio right through double coverage. The ball was thrown so hard I think relativistic time effects were involved. I’m amazed Holmes wasn’t vaporized. Another pick-six by Ike Taylor tilted the lopsided score, and it was time to think ball control.
Fourth-quarter brought two scores each bringing the score 59-21. Twenty seconds left on the clock and Tampa Bay’s heroically driving towards the end zone, making a play for pride. Jack English drops back, throws - and somehow Troy Polamalu decloaks in front of Antonio Bryant, snatches the ball 2 yards back in the end zone, and streaks down the sideline, cutting laterally across the field in an attempt to run out the clock and, admittedly, make Jack English chase him like a puppy after a ball. 102 yard pick-six seals the game at 66-21, but the overall numbers tell more of the tale of this carnival of lunacy:
Time of Possession: TB - 10:45. PIT - 21:15
Total yards: TB - 521. PIT - 649
Total offensive yards: TB - 213. PIT - 468
Turnovers: TB - 1 fumble, 9 interceptions. PIT - 1 fumble, 3 interceptions. This explains the previous line.
Other notes:
- Josh Freeman did something I’ve never seen before and put up a 0.0 QB rating.
- Jack English has a tackle versus James Harrison. This just should not be.
- Ryan Clark, playing strong safety in our tryout of the 46 Defense, garnered the MVP of the Game award with 3 picks, 1 sack, and 6 deflections. We may stick with the 46, I’m not sure yet.
- Jeff Reed missed a gimme FG, and had to buy the rest of the team dinner.
