Oh sweet bejesus. This was an INSANE game on the second go-round. Had one long pause coming back from a quarter that made me worry, but no disconnects.
1st quarter, we start out strong defensively, but turn the ball over on a stupid interception that sets up a wacky screen pass for Benson to score. CIN 7, PIT 0.
We come back with an amazing drive starting off with a 50 yard kick return by Kemnavus “level 15 drow ranger” Stillwell that keeps us in a ground-based offense until Marshawn Lynch can bull in to tie the score at 7-7.
The second quarter, our luck evades us as we make a great defensive stand but two drives end on a fumble by our fullback and another INT by Ben. Marshawn Lynch bruises his wrist, sits out a series, then goes down with an abdominal strain. FUCK YOU, MARSHAWN! Play through the pain, you big girl’s blouse!
However, our defense can’t seem to get a hold of Chris “Dead Man Walkin’” Henry and they drive to our goal line, juking us on a play action pass to Utecht to put the Bengals up 14-7 at the half.
Second half we struggle more, making yards on the ground, but keeping our passing game conservative. We exploit the tendency of Cincinnati to call zone blitzes by sending Lynch up the middle for regular gain, but they hold us to a field goal in the third, 14-10.
Fourth quarter and we’re starting to play some angry defense. The Bengals can’t find a first down to save their lives, with the one-two punch of Hampton and Keisel throwing offensive linemen around like they’re channeling Lu Bu or something. We make another excellent drive, but have to settle for another 29 yard field goal, making it a one-point game. CIN 14, PIT 13.
We kick off, and Caldwell decides he won’t accept the touchback and proceeds to scamper all over the field while Pittsburgh’s special teams unit goes into a Busby Berkeley dance number and let him get to the 45. However, they try three straight running plays which we respond to with three straight blitzes, putting them at 4th and long. They choose to punt it right to Davarius “+2 Nikes of Juking” Tanelus who puts us on our own 39 and gives us 61 yards of hope.
First down, we call a HB Iso, but they’re stacking the middle. Audible to play action, and they bite hard, letting Ben dump it off to the fullback for 10.
Lynch up the center for 2. Play-action again, this time completing a 15 yard laser-guided shot to a diving Brandon Gibson for 15, who gets hit in midair but holds on one-handed, putting us in the Bengals’ 34 yard line with 4:42 to go.
Two draw plays to Lynch net us 7 yards, and we’re 3rd-and-3 with the clock ticking. Marshawn’s tired but insists he can stay in, so we listen to him…
…no we don’t!
Strong-I, hot-route Heath Miller straight for the first-down marker… but he’s totally uncovered! Takes the pass, spins and bulls forward into the end zone! We take the lead!
19-14… we’ve got to go for two.
And we succeed with a shovel pass to Davis, who skips into the end zone to put us in the lead 21-14 with 2:47 to go.
Carson Palmer doesn’t want to let things go that easily, though, and goes long when we choose to blitz, airing out a huge end zone pass to Chad Ochocinco…
…who is REMOVED FROM THIS PLANE OF EXISTENCE by a blind-side Polamalu spear, which separates him not only from the ball, but from consciousness for the rest of the game (only an abdominal strain, alas. He’ll be fine.)
They turn over the ball on downs with less than a minute-thirty left, we score a first-down, and the Cincy crowd is forced to watch as we kneel out the last 60 seconds to clinch a much-needed division victory to keep us out of the cellar.
While we did not permanently injure a halfback this game, we did take out the Bengals’ free safety and Ochocinco for the duration of the game (granted, that was less than two minutes’ in Chad’s case) and knocked Benson silly for a series.
Low yardage game: PIT 267, CIN 199. We held the Bengals to only 51 rushing yards, thanks to our 4-3 run-stoppage defense. We turned the ball over three times to their zero, but still managed to eke out the win. Where we KILLED them was in third down conversions, holding the Bengals to 2-12 on third down.
Next week, the 3-5 Steelers try and avenge last week’s loss to the 7-1 Ravens, who are coming off a bye week. We still won’t have Hines Ward ready to play most likely, but Brandon Gibson seems to be filling in well with those clutch catches in the most opportune moments.
Now I’m going to go drink myself stupid to unwind from that white-knuckler.
