Yep, Hollywood is at it again with their “reimaginings.”
Director: Joe Carnahan
Producer: Ridley Scott, Stephen J. Cannell (original creator)
ExProducer: Tony Scott
They’ve already said they are going to update the characters to Gulf War/Iraq vets.
This will not end well.
Where is the Airwolf remake, that’s what I’m waiting for.
Western Mississippi.
YUCK.
I wonder if they will also spray billions of bullets and never manage to hit anyone?
They should’ve just gone pure camp and cast it with the frat pack:
Vince Vaughn - Hannibal
Paul Rudd - Face
Will Ferrell - Murdoch
Robert Downey Jr. as Kirk Lazarus - B.A. Baracus
Just reunite the cast of Three Kings!
Ice Cube was actually in the running back when John Singleton was attached.
Brilliant.
Scene: Opens on a pristine wetland habitat. A beautiful spotted corn owl can be seen in on the lower branch of an ancient conifer.
Max (enviromentalist geek, tone orgasmic): “Look there, a corn owl! There are only 40 left in north america. Isn’t it beautiful!”
Tonja (sexy assistant): “Oh yes!”
Perry G Robbleweimer enters the scene chomping on a cigar with a contract in his hand. He is followed by a fleet of bulldozers.
Perry (tone bea arthur with a cold): “The judge signed the papers, this land belongs to me now. Im going to turn this into the worlds largest starbucks, so large it will have a walmart inside.” (flash to the starbucks logo on perrys cup for ad revenue)
Max: “No!”
Tonja: “No! What will we do?”
Max: “I know what to do!” (Max flips out his cell phone with the verizon logo displayed, mo money!)
Max: “Hello, I have a problem…”
Just then the A-teams van comes jumping a pile of logs, slow motion caqptures every miraculous details. The van squeeels to a halt perfectly in the clearing. The side door opens and all four jump out, guns at the ready.
BA (upset): “You know how I feel about flying!”
Murdock: “Here, take this.”
Murdock pours a line of columbian pure on his hand, BA snorts it up.
BA (enraged): “Oh yeah! its on now!”
Perry: “Whats going on?”
The A team release a birage of bullets that makes the beach scene in saving private ryan look like kindergarden cop. Perry, the bulldozer drivers and the spotted corn owl are all shot dead. A few bulldozers explode for no particular reason. The starbucks cup is unharmed.
Max: “Oh my god, you’re insane!”
Hannibal walks over and takes the cigar our of the mouth of Perry’s corpse and puts it in his own. In the distance BA can be seen skull humping one of the bulldozer drivers.
Hannibal: “I love it when a plan comes together.”
<queue opening theme>
No cars rolled over in your scene. By that virtue alone it is not an A-Team script.
Hannibal in must at some point be disguised as a woman and/or lizard man when the people try to hire the A-Team.
BA must drink milk and be tricked into flying at some point.
The A-Team must at some point be captured, locked in a well appointed metal shop, build some assortment of junk yard cannons, machine guns and/or tanks in a musical montage.
Faceman must get cock-blocked by Murdock.
The A-Team are terrible shots. No one dies.
Quentin “Rampage” Jackson as B.A. Make it so.
I’ve been thinking about this for some time now.
In it, Mr. T actually plays B.A.'s grandfather (mohawk white), and you get an awkwardly amusing/embarrassing scene of the two out T-ing one another.
- No cars rolled over in your scene.
1.1. Followed by the camera showing the wreck until the people inside crawl out - just to show that nobody got killed in the accident. See also 6.
You forgot the hand grenade that explodes into a cloud of dust and only makes people fly flailing through the air in slow motion.
And Tire Cams during van chases.
There’s a set of funny articles on “Finding the A-Team” that were posted back in 2005. The original is no longer up, but the wayback machine still has it:
http://web.archive.org/web/20050225015401/http://stuffo.howstuffworks.com/a-team-finding.htm
It’s not the A-Team without an extended “build” scene set to a driving rock beat.
Something tells me that getting the New Starbuck to play the New Faceman would not really work, but on the other hand it seems like it’s mandatory.
Quick, let’s lock the A-Team in secure room full of 55 gallon drums, acetylene torches, some winches, maybe some old truck engines…they’ll never escape!
They really should, just to piss him off.