Making friends as an adult

I think this may have been discussed a few months ago, but I couldn’t find the thread, and am still a bit stumped on this one…

As I get older, it seems harder and harder to form new adult friendships - be they casual beer-drinkin’ and sports-arguing friendships or deep discuss-the-meaning-of-life friendships. I mean face-to-face friendships here, not internet friendships or even the occasional phone catch-up with old college buddies.

For a long time, between crunch-modes at work, getting married and raising kids, I didn’t notice (much). But I left my job a few months ago, giving me both: A) More Free Time, and B) No Daily Interaction At Work.

The friends I do have have their own commitments to family and work, and so it’s often hard to coordinate and get together with them.

So, how does an adult male well beyond the college and bar-hopping years go about broadening his social circle? Specific suggestions?

PM me and I’ll send you my phone number. I’d be happy to be your friend!

Barring that, I’d suggest church. Barring that, I’d suggest a club.

You’re right about the difficulty though…it can be difficult to make new friends. Thankfully for me I’m extremely introverted. The only friend I need is my copy of Railroad Tycoon II Platinum. (As you know, due to the fact that I’m lazy I never was able to get the hang of RTIII.)

:D

Activities activities activities. If you have strong political or religious beliefs than get involved in political/religious groups. Join a reading group. Join a billiards league. Join a bowling league. Become a regular at a karaoake bar.

Basically it takes a large investment of time into meeting new people.

I make friends like all the boys do: by wearing slutty clothes, crossing my purse strap between my breasts and around my back, and sleeping with everyone so they’ll like me. Not sure how you Gone Gold guys do it, though. Probably by whining about it until a social worker submits some documentation for a court-ordered friend.

I’m kind of fortunate that my wife works at a university. This means lots of opportunities to meet people and form personal attachments with them or their partners. Some of my best friends since I’ve moved to the DC area have been people I met through her.

I’ve also gone back to school (for a second Masters) and made friends there and where I am interning, but it’s an expensive way to build a social life.

One thing we did when we moved was to have all the neighbors over for dinner. A few of them have become very good friends, others have not. But the mere gesture broke the ice.

Troy

People still do that? I thought that only happened on sitcoms…

People still do that? I thought that only happened on sitcoms…[/quote]

Actually, dinner parties are a regular part of our routine - it provides great incentive to clean the house.

So if you are ever down my way…

Troy

“Hey, would you weird, nondescript internet people tell me how to make new friends? I mean, ones that aren’t weird, nondescript internet people of course.”

WTF? Enjoy it, man. Play all your games, read all your books, watch all your DVDs. You’re whining to me about having TOO MUCH FREE TIME? What’s next, your wife too quick and handy with the blowjobs? Seriously though:

If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do with your family, gas them with chloroform and shove them in a box on weekends? Have the whole Fam Damily over of your friends’. Pair off with your bud out by the gas grill and let the ol’ Lady gab it up with Mrs. Bud. Yell at the kids every 20 minutes or so, whether they’re being bad or not (they usually are, so you just appear precognizant), slip them some sips of your brew to tire them out prematurely. Then bring up wife swappin’.

Man, I dunno. Get involved in church (or Temple, if you’ll excuse my presumptiveness)? The neighborhood? Sell pot? How old are you, anyway?

Hey Bill, you wanna get the families together some weekend?

Kind of interesting, as my newspaper (not that I want it) just started running an article series on male friendship, and I’ve recently read a book about masculinity as a whole, which includes parts about the almost complete incapability of men, as they grow older, to make friends (and how most men in Sweden speak incessantly about their military service, for many the last time they can associate with other men in an unforced manner).

And this is where I would write my advice if I had any. Activities sound like a good bet.

http://www.adultfriendfinder.com

Adults, friends, and finding. Meats all of your criteria.

Key word there is “meat.”

I’d recommend putting together a Qt3 get together for the folks in your area.

Which reminds me: when are we DC-ers going to try that again? Hopefully this time we’ll pick a place that’s actually open…

I’m up for it. Patios in the early summer are great for beer.

Troy

I never had that problem as an adult. shrug

To drill down a bit more for specifics…

(I’m particularly interested in tried and true advice here that has worked for others)

Church involvement - Check - member at a church I’m happy with, though not really ‘involved’ - I know I need to look for ways to hook in a bit more into the social fabric there.

Activities - Obviously a good starting point, but specifics can be difficult.

I used to enjoy volleyball. I looked to get back into it this winter, but all local leagues require a full team sign-up. Adding my name to the ‘single players’ list at a couple places looking to fill out teams has gotten no responses.

Bowling sounds good - I’ll check that out.

Book clubs - anybody do these? They seem sorta oriented towards older, female, Oprah’s book club fans. What’s better - the library or Barnes and Nobles?

Others?

I don’t have any friends. I just dress my stuffed animals up as Tom Chick, Steve Bauman, Chet, DrCrypt, Derek Smart and Brian Koontz, and we have the most amusing tea parties.

Look into a local chapter for one of these:

http://www.usjaycees.org/

I think Qt3 beanie babies could put the juice right back into that fad.

Troy

I roped my mom into starting one of these cause she had a similar issue. She posted on Craigslist and got a group of four to join her once a month for wine and a book discussion. They were three men and two women. The group fell apart after about a year and a half due to conflicts in reading preferences (crappy choices, IMO), but she’s still friends with the woman and they hang out regularly. Other book clubs I’ve heard of do their discussions over dinner and drinks. Whatever has you fall into a routine.