Holy shit! Chet is secretly Dustin Hoffman!
OK, my replies:
What went right:
Hot, hot, hot sex. Really, mindblowing actually - I met her when she was 18, and she had a nice figure (yay, D cups!). I developed a great relationship with her daughter from a previous marriage (she was an infant when I first started dating her mom), and ended up adopting her.
What went wrong:
She was my first really serious relationship, so I really had no context to figure out how fucked up our relationship was.
She had no friends (literally none - her only friend was her Aunt), and I didn’t pick up on that as a warning sign. Eventually, she ended up quitting her job, we moved from CA to Seattle, and she became more and more reclusive, and stopped pretty much leaving the house. She ultimately wanted me to rig up some sort of device to suspend a PC monitor over her bed so she could play EQ without getting out of bed. She started collecting star trek action figures and beanie babies, and then tried to turn them into some kind of half-hearted ebay business which never went anywhere, but gave her an excuse to stay at home and not engage with the world.
In the end, we really didn’t have anything in common other than the sex (which disappeared at the end anyhow) and our mutual love for her daughter. I had a degree from a prestigious university, and she had a GED (dropped out to have her baby), so we really had almost nothing to talk about. She hated my friends and had no friends of her own. She got more and more miserable, blamed me (if only I were more supportive, she’d be happier!) and I had my own issues that let me buy into that whole blame game. She kept threatening to leave me, I’d beg her to stay for our family’s sake, then one day I just gave up and told her we were getting a divorce.
She got remarried shortly thereafter (marriage #3 for her) and has since divorced that guy too. I dated my current wife for 4 years before remarrying, and we’re happily (and sleepily) raising our son together.
How long did you date before you were married?
2 years. The problem was that she had this baby daughter, and after two years of dating I was pretty much the father figure for her girl - we had formed a de facto family, and even though I had misgivings about getting married, I didn’t have the guts to break it off and break up our little family. It was kind of like that Billy Maguire movie (which came out too late to save me :)
How long were you married?
How long did it take for you to realize things were not working out?
I had misgivings right off the bat, actually. Once we moved to Seattle and left our “support network” behind in CA, it was pretty bleak, but I wouldn’t admit to myself how bad things were. I really thought we could work things out all the way up until I reached a breaking point - two weeks later I asked her for a divorce.
How much longer did it take you to commit to a divorce?
Basically, one day I finally admitted to myself how miserable I had become and that I was going to go through my entire life without ever truly being in love, and that was it for me. It was hard, because I love my daughter and I knew it would be really difficult for her.
How many prior marriages did you and your partner each have?
1 for her, 0 for me
How old were you and your partner when you got married?
Her: 20, me: 25
Do you plan on getting married again? Why or Why not?
I am married again :)
If you do plan on getting married again, what are some lessons you will take with you?
Make sure you are head-over-heels in love, and respect this person who will become your life partner. Make sure you are getting married for yourself, not for other reasons.