That’s not always enough. I know that is how I felt going into my marriage, and we seemed to be perfectly compatible, but circumstances out of our control completely changed the dynamic of our marriage, and rather than continuing to be a screaming harridan, I left.
I’ll do my post mortem I suppose.
What went right:
We just really seemed to “get along” and we were very passionate about each other. We had the same interests, came from fairly similar socio economic backgrounds, and were in the same place in our careers.
What went wrong:
Things changed. We got married, we were doing well, bought a house and stuff, and then it happened that we decided to get custody of his son from a previous marriage. His son was kindergarden aged, and because of where my husband worked (hour plus commute from Concord to Fremont, whereas I had a 5 minute commute to work) I ended up becoming the primary caretaker, taking him to school, keeping an eye on him almost constantly.
His son was a great kid, but had a lot of issues. My ex’s first wife was a drug addict and a very irresponsible parent, around the time we were working on getting custody she had her other kids (she has 3 kids from 3 different fathers) taken from her by child protective services.
So like I said, he had a lot of issues. He was very violent in school, and at home it was really stressful to get him to just behave. I was starting to have problems at work because I was constantly having to stay home with him when he was sick (frequently) or I would have to leave work early to pick him up when the after school stuff wasn’t open. My ex wasn’t in any position to be able to be able to do anything about it, really. I was screaming all the time at everyone, and really just hated myself. I went through some therapy for depression and was on medication, but the shit they put me on didn’t help at all, and I stopped seeing the doctor.
Somewhere in all that, the 9/11 shit happened, along with the dotcom bust. I started to heavily play MMOs as a means of escape, and got involved in an online affair with someone. My ex and I were barely speaking to each other, and he told me to get out. So I left, and got my own place. Shortly thereafter I lost my job due to chronic absenteeism and poor performance. It would have been nice if they’d been a little more supportive of what I was going through, but oh well.
How long did you date before you were married?
I think about a year. Maybe 2. My memory is kinda hazy sometimes. :\
How long were you married?
“Technically” we were married for almost 8, but we were just shy of 3 years when I moved out.
How long did it take for you to realize things were not working out?
Hard to say. I was in a pretty bad mental fog for a lot of the last year of it? I was under a lot of stress. :\
How much longer did it take you to commit to a divorce?
I think that when I moved out I knew it was over, but because my ex and I are both terrible procrastinators, it took us several years to actually get things in motion.
How many prior marriages did you and your partner each have?
me 0 him 1
How old were you and your partner when you got married?
We were both 24, and turned 25 within a couple months.
Do you plan on getting married again? Why or Why not?
No idea. I am in a stable long term relationship right now that has lasted for a few years now.
If you do plan on getting married again, what are some lessons you will take with you?
Make sure everything really is worked out. But there’s really to be honest no preparation for what life can throw at you I suppose. Sometimes shit happens.
Sometimes I just think fate was against me. There were all sorts of superstitious warning signs: my wedding ring never fit right, it used to eat away at my finger, making it so I couldn’t wear it.
