Metroid

I wish I was making this up.

I don’t see how the movie can be much like the game, what with all of the no dialogue, so they’re gonna have to throw in some extra characters or something. I’m kinda hoping for a metroid that learns how to speak English and then teams up with Samus buddy cop style. They can have a humorous recurring argument about which one of them gets to pilot the spaceship, but then things get serious when the space pirates kill the metroid’s family, right before the contemplative scene with the saxaphone music. Maybe Jimmy Fallon could be in it to yell “Aw, snap!” when Metroid Prime shows up. It’s gonna be awesome.

As Wing Commander and Street Fighter proved, there is no shelter, no environment suit, no shielding from the horrible suck emanating from these movies. Yet another part of your soul will die an agonizing, Total Perspective Vortex-type death.

I just want to know who’s playing Samus.

:roll: Jessica Simpson of course. You need the soft curves of a woman, but with a strong, mean, John Travolta jaw… and hole in the chin.

Can Yahoo Serious be in it?!?!

First time I’ve ever heard of this… lady. Woman. Creature. Google indicates she’s some sort of… singer. If you want to call it that. I guess that just shows that I don’t know anything about contemporary pop culture. (Back in MY days we had MUCH better pop culture!)

First time I’ve ever heard of this… lady. Woman. Creature. Google indicates she’s some sort of… singer. If you want to call it that. I guess that just shows that I don’t know anything about contemporary pop culture. (Back in MY days we had MUCH better pop culture!)[/quote]

I’m subjected to her, Britney and Aguilera in almost weekly contests on various forums about “who’s hotter.”

Anybody who votes for Jessica automatically gets the “closet homosexual with a crush on John Travolta” award.

Rob Schneider could play the zany sidekick.

Who in their right mind thought the makers of American Pie would be the perfect people to bring Samus to movie theaters???

I can’t wait for the Metriod fucking scene! Like warm apple pie!!

The makers of American Pie also made About a Boy.

The makers of American Pie also made About a Boy.[/quote]

Oh hey you’re right! Why NOW I can’t imagine better people to bring to life the story of a female raised by a mysterious alien race, infused with their blood and given a super-advanced set of armor that she uses to save the universe from a race of aliens bent on domination through the use of creatures that suck the life force from all living things BUT the people who made a forgettable comedy starring Hugh Grant as yet ANOTHER slightly jerky English guy. HOW did I go so wrong??

Get ready for Julia Roberts as Samus and Hugh Grant as the charming, but slighly jerky, British cyborg she saves and eventually falls in love with.

Also Kid Rock as the head Space Pirate and Jason Biggs as the love sick Metriod that just CAN’T be stopped from throwing his HILARious one liners as he searches for love and sex among the wreckage. God DAMN I can’t wait for this movie, popcorn’s on me!!

First time I’ve ever heard of this… lady. Woman. Creature. Google indicates she’s some sort of… singer. If you want to call it that. I guess that just shows that I don’t know anything about contemporary pop culture. (Back in MY days we had MUCH better pop culture!)[/quote]

I’m subjected to her, Britney and Aguilera in almost weekly contests on various forums about “who’s hotter.”

Anybody who votes for Jessica automatically gets the “closet homosexual with a crush on John Travolta” award.[/quote]

Phht. I can safely say that I definitely think Jessica Simpson is smokin-hot. Dunno if I’d rather slam her than the other two, but y’know ;P (just kidding folks… I’d never “slam” anyone). But if you think she’s ugly, you’re most likely a closet homosexual with a crush on John Travolta.

You’ve totally got it wrong.

You’re missing the latest trends here. It can’t be just Samus on a personal vendetta, it has to be Samus as part of a war! War movies are big now.

Especially if Samus is going to be holding the key artifact to the destruction of the metroids, but it’s slowly corrupting her. Maybe even turning her into one! Yeah, and she’ll have a party of friends who get killed off or split up as the movie goes on. Now if only two of them can be Greeks who are planning to get married.

I never realized the incredibly complexity that is Metroid requires the deft hand of a a pulitzer prize winner or some legendary master of sci-fi.

But you’re right, past movies clearly disqualify people from making a movie based on a videogame. But why stop there. James Cameron obviously couldn’t make The Terminator or Aliens based on his directing “Piranha II.” Where were the giant fish?

And how could Ridley Scott make Alien, when all he had going for him was The Duellists and some commercials? And if this review from IMDB is any indication, Alien should have been a lot more homoerotic: “Images of the duellists stripped to the waist, the blood an impudent red intruder against the virginal scenery, sear themselves on the thinking viewer’s conscience.”

Those wacky Wachowski brothers should never have been allowed to do The Matrix based on making the lesbian noire Bound… oh, and writing a Sylvester Stallone movie. I guess that explains Trinity’s wardrobe and Keanu Reeves’ seminal “Woah.”

EXACTLY! This is also why the writer’s of Felicity should NOT be allowed to work on The Death of Superman movie, or why the Duke Nuke’m movie will most likely be written by the cast of Dawson’s Creek.
If we agree then why are we arguing??

the MORON responsible for SCOOBY FUCKING DOO and some of tromas WORST (and thats saying something) is going to be destroying Dawn of the Dead.

So yeah, horrible shitty work can get you in the reins of cool ip.