National Treasure

http://www.apple.com/trailers/touchstone/national_treasure/

Summary: Nicholas Cage finds clues on U.S. currency that lead him to conclude that a secret map is on the back of the Declaration of Independence, and that he has to steal it before someone else does so he can fulfill his family’s destiny of protecting the “whatever the map leads to”.

Gleaned from the trailer I saw in the theater:
-The case the Declaration is stored in is bulletproof and capable of perfectly absorbing the momentum of bullets as well-- Cage uses it as a shield as he’s running out of the building with it, like some kind of instrument of autarchy-wielding Wonder Woman.

-The secret map on the back, when revealed, is marked with the symbol of the Freemasons. Of course, one of the big clues on the money is the illuminati pyramid/eye thing.

Basically, an Indiana Jones film for those confused and scared by foreign locales and peoples. And who will swallow that there are secrets in the designs of money above and beyond the rabbit hiding behind the bush without laughing so hard that their teenage cousins ask them what was so funny on the way out of the theater.

Produced by Bruckheimer, naturally.

How bad could it be? It has five writers, two of which are the guys who did Pirates of the Caribbean and Shrek.

Actually, the trailer looks exactly like Pirates, the way it’s paced and edited.

Jeez. All I know is that Diane Kruger is in two upcoming movies (this and that new Josh Hartnett flick), both of which she looks smokin’ in. So how did Wolfgang Peterson screw her up so badly in Troy?

It’s like a non-religious Da Vinci code!

Wow. She did look totally different in Troy: Diane Kruger.

I agree that we are about to see the “Da Vinci Code Effect” reek up Hollywood like a whore-ish perfume. I have to admit, the trailer I saw seemed like a fairly ridiculous premise.

I can’t wait for the upcoming Churning Point, in which angst-ridden half-Cherokee ex-con (Vin Diesel), world-weary ex-FDA agent (William H. Macy) and wisecracking ex-hooker (Ellen Barkin) band together to discover the naughty secret lurking on the Land O’ Lakes butter box.

So long as they don’t make him speak in a fake english accent, carry 2 guns and wear a bikini.

I can’t decide if I should see this first, or Paparazzi. Maybe I’ll just commit suicide during a screening of Catwoman.