@robc04 you strike me as a straight up guy. It kinda kills me that you struggle so much to find satisfaction with yourself. I guess it is often that way for sensitive people who want to spare themselves no truth. My guess is, beyond just loving you, your wife appreciates your honesty and real character. The good news is that the older you get, the less achievements (socially normative achievements) matter and the more character matters – and the more one generally strives for meaning than trophies.
Cheers for writing this up!
I love this thread. I’ll add my own strange background soon.
I told my wife what I wrote about her above and she thought I needed to add a flaw for her. She suggested this…
Sometimes we play name that tune and artist for songs on the radio when on a long drive. Burnin’ For You by Blue Oyster Cult came on. For group she guessed Duran Duran. I let her know she may actually be the first person on earth to get the 2 confused.
She also guessed Barry Manilow for Escape (The Pina Colada Song).
If you’re willing to consider non-monetary value, how about some volunteer work? I can tell you from experience that many small non-profits have very little in the way of IT support and are very grateful when someone who knows their way around a computer can help them out. Try a site like volunteermatch.org if you want to see what’s around your area. You’d probably have to spend some of the time on site, maybe while your son is at school, but there’s often stuff that can be done remotely too. And depending on the organization you work with, you might be able to get your son and/or wife involved too, making it a family experience.
I did some volunteering when my son was in 1st grade. I went in and did some reading / spelling with the kids, which is ironic because I’m a horrible speller :-) I felt a bit awkward since I’m not really a ‘kid person’ in general.
There are 2 high priority things I need to improve myself on right now. 1) I need to get back to a healthy weight, which I was making good progress on until I hurt my back again. I also started having hip pain. 2) I need to do a better job taking more things off of my wife’s plate. While I do laundry, mowing, dishes, etc…, I am crap at cleaning the house. This annoys my wife to no end. I also think it would be good if I gained some cooking skills because she still makes dinner almost all of the time even though she works and I don’t. She would be sooo happy if I learned to cook decent meals.
Things are going to get a little topsy turvy as we are going to France for her sabbatical in about a month. We will be there for 7 months. She deserves for me to do a better job at making her life easier.
I too loved your write up. Rob it’s been posted in other threads here but the best advice I can give:
You don’t have to solve all the problems at at once. You only need to solve one problem. Pick just one thing today. Try to do it, be better at it, motivate yourself to do something regarding it, etc. Pick up the living room. Eat healthy for one day. Walk around the block.
Just one thing.
Taking initiative is like pushing the bowling ball on the lane. It’s slow, but it builds momentum. Before long you start knocking obstacles out of your way. Repeat.
None of us are the greatest people we could be, so we are all in the same boat. We can only try sometimes to do that one thing.
Thanks Skipper, that is good advice. Many times it’s easy to think of the big problems and all that is needed to correct them, so it seems impossible (or at least overwhelming). I was just focusing on my weight for a while (you probably know this already because you posted in the weight loss thread). I went from 227 down to 199. In about a month I went from 215 to 199. I was eating better and being more active.
A 3 weeks ago I pulled my back (a recurring problem) so I couldn’t be active. A couple days later I was stretching my calf on the stairs I hurt my ankle quite a bit. I tend to go all out when I do anything and I put too much weight on my heals and over extended them and got a sharp pain in my foot. My ankle swelled up and 2+ weeks later it is still somewhat swollen and sore. Doctor said it should heal because the stability seemed OK. In any case, I got bummed because my progress was halted and I started to ramp up my eating of junk again and gained back 8 pounds. This makes me feel even worse. It’s easy to let things snowball.
I need to take your advice and start getting back on track and do one thing at a time. If I can’t run, I can at least walk. I can’t erase the junk I’ve eaten over the past weeks, but I can try to eat better today (and tomorrow…). Thanks again Skipper.
No worries man, trust me, I’m in the same boat. It started at around 40 when my metabolism told me it was done with me and moved on. So it’s been a yo-yo ride since then. And I really get what you’re saying. When you have one thing nagging at you, like your weight, other things pile on and it seems like you’re circling the bowl at points. I have a great girlfriend who helps pull me out of my self-wallowing when needed and it sounds like your wife is the same way. I game probably more than I should. I’m not great at picking up the house. I could do better assisting my girlfriend at times. It’s common here. Air it out in a thread if you ever need to, man. Sometimes talking about things helps.
I think I have a fairly odd history in my gaming when growing up. I am only 32 (33 this year) but I have the gaming history of someone near 50.
My parents didn’t buy me video games, but I did find an old pong machine, which was my first video gaming experience. I then bought a 2600 from a garage sale, and while my friends were playing NES and SNES games, I was collecting 2600 games. Pitfall, Defender, River Raid, and Atlantis were my favorites, and for playing with my little brother, we loved Combat, and Warlords (with the paddle controllers)
Loved that system. And when we got a little older we got Game-boys to keep us quiet in the car, and then an NES at a garage sale after that.
Then when I was about 10, we got a Windows 95 PC, and started playing games on there. Ended up playing a bunch of really bad PC games that came with the system, as well as a couple flight simulators (F-22, MS Fight Sim) and Rebel Assault II.
After a while we got an n64 PS1 etc, and I bought Half-Life for the PC, and by then we were pretty caught up with the rest of society.
I would find it endlessly wonderful to help you out on the beginnings of your culinary journey. Cooking is a lot of fun for nerds, IMO. Alton Brown taught me that :), It’s all applied chemistry and physics, except at the end, you get steak instead of a C- that forces you out of pre-med.
Several of us helped @ChristienMurawski set up his outdoor grill recently. And if anyone here can teach cooking it’s @ArmandoPenblade. BTW, you have to hear his deep mellifluous voice. :)
Is there a single link to people here being interviewed by @tomchick? If so, listen to them. And ignore mine please. Pretty please. I am nekulturny.
Your reasons for this may be very different from mine but I also used to pull my back on a regular basis. I could blame my genes but more likely it was sitting on my ass way too much and not getting enough exercise. After I started going to the gym and working on my back, neck and shoulder muscles the back problems disappeared. Might work for you as well, and probably also help with other issues too.
It’s very possible inactivity over the years is the root of my problem. I started PT a couple weeks ago and started stretching. He said he will probably introduce some strengthening exercises. I’ve always been at a desk a lot, both for work and hobby. So far the 2+ weeks of stretching has not made my back any better.
Wow. What a great thread. Thank you for bringing it to my attention by mentioning me in it, Rich!
This forum is a great place, especially if you endeavor to bring your best self to it. I have so many close friends because of this place, and have been helped more times than I can count by the folks here. Setting up the grill is just the most recent example. Folks here have helped me figure out what computer to buy. How to build a computer. How to choose the proper video card. How to troubleshoot problems I was having baking cheesecake. Whether buying my son FIFA '17 was a good idea or not. How to properly say the name Domhnall Gleeson.
The list goes on.
Also, thanks again for all your help about the grill thing, Rich. And I’m totally going to listen to that interview that @marquac linked in the post after yours. So suck it! :)
-xtien
-Jahé, everybody, jahé.
-What’s that?
-It means ‘hello’. I can say ‘hello’ in a lot of different languages. Not yours, but a lot of them.
