Next Star Wars to be called "Birth of the Empire"

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2004223126,,00.html

THE long-awaited final Star Wars blockbuster will be called Birth Of The Empire, movie insiders have revealed.

And the highlight of the space epic will be a thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) while surfing on LAVA.

The Hollywood source said: “Anakin and Obi-Wan fight on platforms on the lava. They control these like surfboards.”

The sixth movie in the series also features Anakin’s transformation into evil Darth Vader and his baby son, Luke, being smuggled to safety to the desert planet Tatooine.

The source added: “There’s going to be a big announcement soon. They’ve tried lots of titles but the most popular is Birth Of The Empire.”

The news has already caused excitement among the legions of Star Wars fans monitoring the film’s development on the internet.

I just wanted to say: “Fuck Star Wars!” Thanks.

“Hang ten dude!”

“Like, the Force is totally with me.”

“That was like, a most righteous attempt at decapitation, Obi-Wan.”

Everyone knows how reliable The Sun is, so it must be true!

Lava surfing?! OMG, say it ain’t so.

That is absolutely AWESOME!!! All you nay-sayers who thought Lucas lost it can just suck it!!!

WOOT!

…Fuck Star Wars.

Does anyone have trouble getting into the original trilogy since the new one came out? It’s like I have Star Wars erectile dysfunction because of the new films. Can I sue?

Urgh.

Ya know, I didn’t think Ep 2 was that bad. And I LOVE the little cartoon shorts.

But that’s just too much. Lava surfboard light saber duel?

And the bit about Anakin managing to kill Mace Windu just makes me laugh (other SW thread.) What did he do, whine on him?

SPOILER!

What happens to Anakin’s daughter?

I dunno if you can sue, but I know how you feel. I used to be a hard-core SW fan. Read all the books, had tech manuals, played the RPG, you name it. Then, after the Phantom Menace, I lost almost all of my enthusiasm for the series. I’ve not watched the original series of films since. I still play the games, and still love the universe, but for some reason the new trilogy has indeed sucked my enjoyment of the original trilogy out.

I still think Shroud of the Dark Side would be the best title.

I think they should just go with Star Wars: Episode IIID and make everyone wear the red-blue glasses. Why not? It’s not high art so they may as well play up the schlock value. They could have lots of scenes where lightsabers come out of the screen at you.

I can’t even tell if I’m joking any more.

So how is Lucas going to work Patrick Swayze into the story as the lava-surfing guru that teaches Anakin how to totally shred those lava waves?

KOTOR = Best Star Wars movie of the last 15 years. It has better acting & a better script than the new trilogy… hell, Lucas should hire Bioware to do this for him, as he is sadly clueless.

The source added: “There’s going to be a big announcement soon. They’ve tried lots of titles but the most popular is Birth Of The Empire.”

The news has already caused excitement among the legions of Star Wars fans monitoring the film’s development on the internet.

Wait… the series still has fans? Learn something new every day.

Yep none of them older than 11 though.

Agreed.

Knights of the Old Republic has a better storyline, better special effects (heh, heh), better acting, AND it’s interactive.

Bioware wins!

THE long-awaited final Star Wars blockbuster

Dunno if it will really bust blocks so much as vaguely imply they were scuffed through overwrought CG and poor acting. I’m figuring the block is Christiansen (rim shot).

So will he include lots of shots copying Birth of a Nation to go with his Jewish, money-grubbing, sniveling slave-owning bugs and his sambo comic relief?

You guys sure get huffy over a bunch of dorky science fiction films. :)

Fuck Star Wars.

It’s science fantasy, you FUCKING FAGGOT. :wink: