No Hands...the Everything (Football|Soccer|Footie|Futbol) Thread

Boo hiss

So. Final weekend scenarios…

  1. City win at home vs West Ham, they win the League. Again. If City draws though, somehow…

  2. Arsenal can win the League with a win at home versus Everton and if City draws against Hammers.

  3. Liverpool is locked into 3rd. Villa is locked into 4th…

  4. Spurs win 5th place and a Europa League spot with at least a draw away at Sheff United. If that match is close at all (and Spurs needed two goals in stoppage at the 99th and 100th minute to beat them at home back in Autumn of this year), the squeaky bums will be deafening.

  5. Chelsea need to win at home vs Bournemouth and hope Spurs get Spursy in Sheffield to get 5th place. If Spurs get a point, then a Chelsea win puts them in 6th and a good chance at Europa League football next year – which is kind of amazing considering where Chelsea was about 5 weeks ago.

  6. Newcastle must win away at Brentford and then hope Chelsea stumbles against Bournemouth. If that scenario happens, Newcastle get 6th on goal differential and that potential Europa League spot. If not, they sit 7th and need to cross their striped kits for Europa Conference.

  7. United need to win away at Brighton and hope Newcastle loses or draws in London on Sunday to snatch that 7th spot away from the Magpies. But the real wildcard is the FA Cup final in 10 days. If United beat City in that rivalry matchup, then United get an automatic Europa League berth. If that happens, the 5th place team also gets Europa League, and the 6th place team gets Europa Conference, and the 7th place team sends Pep Guardiola hate mail.

Chelsea might be banned from European competitions next season anyway as they have been very naughty boys! Also financial irregularities, not adhering to UEFA FFP rules.

Oh don’t mind him. If Bismarck was being mean he would have wished us getting Gareth Southgate or Tuchel as our next manager instead. He’s also probably jealous of us for sweeping all the football trophies that matter within a week though.


Who’s the next Bayern manager? If anyone was thinking “Well, surely Bayern have multiple contingency plans in place” when they announced in February that Tuchel was gone at season’s end should be disabused of that notion now. After Xabi announced he had no intention of leaving Leverkusen last month…there’s been a scramble.

And that scramble included Tuchel’s agent and Bayern getting together throughout this week so that the German club could maybe go takesy-backsies on the Tuchel removal decision. But…Tuchel just said “This is my last press conference at Bayern” and that for sure he’s done there. I’d imagine he’d have needed a TON of assurances from the Bayern board to come back and didn’t hear what he needed to hear.

So, uh, yeah. If you’ve got your international coaching badges lined up properly, send over a CV!

I would bring over De Zerbi from Brighton, I think he could do a job at Bayern.

Yeah, I’d imagine he’s the logical choice. But he may want to see what United do after the FA Cup Final, too. And RDZ may have the luxury of being able to ask Bayern to wait a week or two on that.

Who would want the job at this time? Imagine the job interview. “Was I your first choice?” - “Weelll…”

Spare a thought for Harry Kane though.

Since November of 2019, he’s played for 9 different managers:

Ryan Mason (interim)
Cristian Stellini (interim)
Ryan Mason again (interim for the interim)
An Asian tour and full pre-season with Postecoglou

Maybe his curse is not just winning a trophy but also getting managers sacked.

De Zerbi is overrated. But I don’t mind Bayern’s continuing their self destruction with De Zerbi. Flick, Stuttgart lad, or even Nagelsmann are better appointments so hopefully Bayern’s board stay clueless.


The Harry Kane thing is pathetic, he would have won nothing at Spurs either, he still has more chance winning something with Bayern and he is no longer putting up with the British moron fan, he would probably had to wear an Arsenal Kit and not play against City to keep the fan base happy and they take the mick out of him, total losers

I was focused on the crucial subject of Spurs’ hopes of European football next year, while continuing my decade-long streak of not thinking about Men United at all.

Speaking of Spurs, congratulations to United on winning the Women’s FA Cup though. After her goal in the European Nations final I love Ella Toone, so it was good to see her bang in that absolute Worldie at Wembley.

Speaking of Spurs, how excited should Spurs fans feel about 18 year old Lucas Bergvall joining the club after his last match on Sunday in Sweden?

live look at Reemul:

Chelsea currently not acting like a club constrained by PSR worries. Their first move of the window looks like a 65 million euro swoop for 17-year-old wonderkid WIllian Estevao from Palmeiras. I’ve seen a number of commentators talking about how Chelsea was going to need to sell off contracts in the month of June to get their financial house in order before the July 1 deadline. Perhaps that’s still true, and the Estevao contract is set up to not take effect until after July 1 or something?

De Zerbi to Leave Brighton

That’s great! Guess who’s playing against a Brighton with reinvigorated spirit and surely are not interested in competing in European Mickey Mouse cup?

So UK/EU football fans, help me out here.

In North American Big Four sports, it’s not super rare for one team to hire away a coach under contract with a different team. But when it happens, typically the coach/manager’s old team is owed some sort of compensation – usually in the form of a contract buyout – a few hundred thousand to a few million in some cases. Done, dusted, enjoy your new manager/coach.

Does that exist in European/UK footy? Or is it a case of release clauses in contracts that trigger release – someone offers your coach the magic salary to switch to that club and it triggers a release and goodbye and goodnight? And I’m kind of thinking of Nagelsmann’s “gardening leave” from Bayern last year that caused a couple of interested suitors to look elsewhere for coaches.

I guess what I’m trying to understand – is this Brighton being very pragmatic about the reality of knowing that De Zerbi is likely to leave to a bigger club no matter what? Like…brutally pragmatic? (“It’s worth more to us to hire our new gaffer and just move forward than to spend the next 6-8 weeks in limbo and negotiating compensation.”)

Thanks. I’ll hang up and listen. :)