Odd Wedding Etiquette Question

We’re in the process of writing out thank you cards after our wedding and it seems that we didn’t get presents from some people. Either they didn’t give us presents (and in both cases the people in question are not poor starving students or anything, they’re people in their 30’s and 40’s), or we somehow lost them.

The second possibility is not impossible, as one other couple seemingly didn’t give us anything, and then my wife found a card from them with an AmEx gift card in among the already opened cards.

So, if these people gave us something and we don’t send them a thank you card, then we’ve committed a wedding faux pas. If they didn’t give us anything we’re not terribly hurt or upset, but we don’t want to send a thank you and seem to be shaming them. We can’t really come out and ask, “Did you give us something? Because we didn’t get anything” again, in case they didn’t give us anything. Also, I suppose if I gave, say, a check or a gift card in a card (the most likely fuckup on our part) and the bride and groom didn’t get it, I’d want to resend a check or see about reissuing the gift card.

I’ve told my wife to post on her bride forums about this, because we can’t be the first couple to lose a present. She’s embarrassed about the whole thing (and not much into posting on forums), so I thought I’d ask the married among you if you’ve ever had to deal with something like this.

Send a thank you card to let them know how much you appreciated them coming to the wedding. No need to mention gifts.

We solved this one: I edited all our honeymoon and wedding and both receptions footage AND photos into a DVD, made a nice cover for them, and then burned/printed about 200 of them (liteons are durable burners!) and sent them to EVERYONE With “Thank you!- Chris & Keri” written on each in sharpie. So they havent a clue if we’re thanking them for the gift or for coming, and they have footage of the reception they went to + the one for the other coast reception so they can see what they missed there, plus wedding footage since noone was permitted to go to the wedding (remote beach) plus photos of all this stuff set to music as a slideshow, plus data versions of all the photos if they want to get prints.

It was kind of a pain, but it was fun to put together for the most part, and better than a card since msot of these people will actually keep it.

oh, and congrats!

We just did this too. We sent out letters to everyone and just made them generic if we either didn’t receive a present or couldn’t remember what present was given (in our case, despite careful note-taking at the time, we still forgot a few people’s gifts).

That seemed to go over pretty well although it was a pain in the butt. I would have been happy to have thrown out the whole gift-giving/note-writing process for a lifetime pass not to give gifts at other people’s weddings.

Somehow, though, I doubt my wife agrees. :)

Did you go back and double check to make sure the couples/guests in question didn’t pair up with someone else on a gift? We had a few people who did that with our wedding presents, and it wasn’t always immediately obvious unless you carefully review each and every card/tag.

Also, how long ago was this? They may have paid to have something off a registry delivered that just hasn’t arrived yet. We were getting gifts delivered as much as two weeks after we got back from the honeymoon.

If you still come up empty, then I agree with BrewersDroop, send a nice thank you card with a personal note about how much it meant to see them at the wedding. That way they think you’re thanking them for coming and/or for the gift.

Also, etiquette-wise, guests have a decent period of time in which to give the couple a wedding gift (1 year, I think). More than once, when we can’t decide what to get someone, we’ve waited a few months and asked the couple “So, what do you still need?”

Sometimes, they get like 4 of 8 full “settings” for dinnerware, but 4 extra bowls and 2 dinner plates. So, we can then fill out the missing pieces.

Yeah, I waited a month before getting my bud and his wife their wedding gift for the reason dannimal describes.

If I ever get married and my new wife gets her nose bent out of joint because someone did not send a gift for our wedding, I’m gonna punch her for being a selfish bitch who thinks the world revolves around her. It’s enough that they even bothered to come to our wedding.

We have carefully reviewed the various registries to see if there’s something on there that was purchased but we didn’t get. Everything is accounted for. The “going in with someone” is a possibility and I’ll let her know.

I like the idea of the general thank you with maybe a photo collage or something. I’ll see if that flies. It’ll give her something to do with the 700+ wedding photos she now has on who knows how many DVD’s. She made me sit down to look at them with her, but after 100 or so I fell asleep.

The time question is valid. She says people have 6 months to give wedding gifts, so whatever. I just feel weird now when I’m seeing people who gave us stuff and our thank you’s haven’t gone out yet. I don’t want to be a slacker.

And my wife doesn’t have her nose out of joint, she’s kind of paralyzed over sending or not sending a thank you and doesn’t know what to do for fear of pissing someone off.

Noone who came to your wedding should get pissed off about this, so tell her not to sweat it too much. We set our ‘get the thank you out’ deadline at 2 months from the wedding and noone got pissy. But again, they shouldnt get pissy no matter what, these are your friends and relatives.

Heh, myself and my wife never even sent Thank You’s. I know, we’re terrible terrible people.

We sent most of ours, and then we got a $20 bill from some friend of my mom’s like 6 months later. I don’t think we remembered to thank her.

By the same etiquette rules that give you 6-12 months to get a gift for the couple, the couple has a similar window to get thank yous out.

So, relax.

We recently received a card for going to someone’s wedding. The groom wrote “thanks for suchandsuch a gift,” and the card was signed,

"Eric + "

The bride didn’t sign it.

Bitch.

I wondered why I never got my “Thanks for giving us a Wii component cable!” note.

;)

Photo/video disc compilations are a nice gesture, but I can’t believe many people will really hang on to someone else’s wedding memorabilia. It sounds like you weren’t even especially fascinated by them. A “thank you” would really be plenty.

And my wife assured me the gift window was 1 year, when we were slow to give a gift to a friend of mine. Apparently it’s not very unusual.

It’s a slimline dvd case so its not exactly taking up a ton of space, and I do still see ‘The Moore’s Wedding Trip’ in their dvd collections. I’m sure it’ll be the first to go when they run out of shelf space, and I’m sure only our moms are ever ppping them in, but it was fairly well recived. At least, noone got all ‘wtf, where’s my fancy folded cardstock junkmail mr. dee vee dee!!’

I’m ashamed to admit it, but neither did we.

I’ve been a flower girl, bridesmaid, and maid of honor in 3 of the 4 weddings I’ve attended. Never got Thank You cards.

I didn’t think she did, and I’m sorry if I somehow implied that. I was just kinda thinking out loud to myself.

  • -edit, weird, things happening to my post. i must be sleepy

Dear Parents:

I paid for the whole wedding, so thanks for nothing!

Sincerely,

ElGuapo