Oh, How I Love Confusing Social Interactions

Alright, let me tell you a story.

I’m playing Fallout in my living room Sunday afternoon, and someone knocks on the door. I open the door, and there’s a young woman standing there.

“Hi,” I say.
“Hi,” she says.

Silence for a few seconds.

“…Can I help you?”
“I was hoping to come in.”

“…For what?”
“To visit…”

At this point, I’m confused. I’m not very good socially, but I can tell when something’s weird. This strikes me as weird.

“I’m sorry, I’m confused. Do I know you?”
“…so…is it possible you have the wrong apartment?”
“Who are you looking for?”
“<some name>”
“Yeah, that’s wrong.”

And then I close the door.

Now, my wife thinks she was scoping out the place to come back and rob it. But if that’s true, she’s the worst criminal in history. My current working theories are:

  1. Neighbor trying to introduce herself.
  2. Old acquaintance who’s been harboring a secret love for me all these years, and finally managed to track me down, and gathered up the courage to confess her feelings, but I didn’t recognize her.
  3. Someone who had the wrong apartment.

3 seems most likely, but it’s possible she misheard me and was saying her own name instead of the name of whoever she was looking for. In which case, maybe it was 1? But she never introduced herself, so I guess not? 2 is…not very likely.

No one I work with has ever experienced anything like this. Any thoughts from the hivemind?

Dude, she was probably looking to score some pot.

I have no idea, man. Thats really odd.

Wow, that is a weird story. If you ever see that woman again, be sure to ask her what that was all about. And then tell us.

I think it’s pretty clearly #3. Why would you even think anything else? Was she, like, really young? College age? She was probably baked out of her mind and thought you were a talking chalupa.

Yea, you handled this completely wrong. You should have invited her in, let her sleep in your bed and then Twittered and UStreamed the entire event. Everyone knows this.

Cause it’s more fun that way.

25 maybe. I think the odds that she was high are pretty good. But I have some experience in the matter, and saying, “Here is the reason I am at your door” isn’t all that difficult.

Did you have chocolate chips? Maybe she wanted some.

I had a beautiful girl come to my door trying to sell me magazine subscriptions to help pay her way through college or whatever. After telling her no, she went on to try and get me to sell her pot, she said I had “That look” about me that I smoked pot. Awkward…

“So … is it possible you have the wrong apartment?”


I got chills. My theory: You just got drawn into some sort of Ringu curse. Remember… one week. Good luck with that.

I’m not sure that was a social interaction so much as a drive-by.

I also lean towards the “she thought you were a connection for weed” theory.

Dammit, you beat me to this one!
I’ll follow up with the much weaker:

Maybe she wanted to drill holes in your LCD?

It is definitely option #2 what is the matter with you people


Your correct response should have been:

“Did the cops send you?!? It’s entrapment if they did! I haven’t killed in months, Im trying so hard to be good.”

Then as if arguing with yourself:

“Stop it, STOP IT, let me talk, you will scare her away!”

Looking back at her:

“I really shouldn’t be around you, but you have such a pretty neck… Well, I guess you can come in for a little while. Are you allergic to any sorts of adhesive?”

I get that sometimes or asked to buy cigarettes or beer for kids. Really? I look like someone that’d say yes?

I’m going with hooker being sent to the wrong apartment.

My first guess, but it could also be #4: mental illness. I’ve had mentally ill friends wander into places where they didn’t belong, with the results ranging from hilarity to similarly confusing social interactions to outright freakouts that involved half a dozen cruisers and felony arrests. She could have been looking for the person that could make sense out of all the color coded messages people keep sending her.

FINALLY. I was reading the thread about to post this same response, incredulous that no one else considered it, but you beat me to it.

You totally shouldn’t have slammed the door on her.