There’s lots of enjoyable things in the world, but few things compare to reviews of really bad books. You have to appreciate the few individuals who are willing enough to devote dozens of hours of their time to jump on the grenade for the rest of us, as it were, to bring us reviews of really bad books that we’ll never willingly read.
The scathing reviews, accompanied by hilarious commentary are a few of the elements that make these reviews particularly enjoyable.
Here’s one particular review of John Ringo’s GHOST, a book that opens with the following paragraph:
He knew that at heart, he was a rapist. And that meant he hated rapists more than any “normal” human being. They purely pissed him off. He’d spent his entire sexually adult life fighting the urge to not use his inconsiderable strength to possess and take instead of woo and cajole. He’d fought his demons to a standstill again and again when it would have been so easy to give in. He’d had one truly screwed up bitch get completely naked, with him naked and erect between her legs, and she still couldn’t say “yes.” And he’d just said: “that’s okay” and walked away with an amazing case of blue balls. When men gave in to that dark side, it made him even more angry then listening to leftist bitches scream about “western civilization” and how it was so fucked up.
It takes a brave soul to willingly devote countless hours to finishing it.
Have any of you ever read extremely bad books? A review should be in order, should you have the experience of reading anything from Terry Goodkind, or worse… Philip Athans.
To resume: Mike hitches a ride on the back of the van that kidnaps the coed. Mike, you see, is a former Navy SEAL, call sign “Ghost.” “Fifteen years in the teams had left him with degenerative damage in half the major joints in his body and a back that was compacted enough for a fifty-year-old,” but like most action heroes (see: Stephen Hunter’s Earl Swagger and his son Bob Lee, both of whom I love) Mike’s old injuries don’t enjoin him from going strong in the actual action scenes; they’re more atmospheric than anything else. It turns out that terrorists are kidnapping young women as part of a Diabolical Plan (“Let us rape them to the Glory of Allah!”). Mike’s plan to go for help – alas, he left his cell phone charging at home – goes toes up when he is spotted by a sentry and has to kill the man in self-defense. If he leaves to get help, the sentry will be found, and the bad guys will pull up stakes. You knew it was coming: former SEAL, outnumbered and outgunned, against a swarm of dastardly Arab terrorists. He rescues the coed, name of Ashley, but refuses to tell her who he is – he’s killed a bunch of people, and he’s worried about legal repercussions.
“I really want to know who you are.”
"Well," he said, grinning, "if you ever see me again, for the first time, be overwhelmed by a wave of lust and need to give me a blowjob right then and there, even if it's in public, okay?" "Sure," Ashley said, shaking her head. "Men. Maybe not in public, but we'll talk, okay? This has..." "Don't let this put you off of men, God damnit," Mike said, firmly. "I didn't risk my fucking life to have you go lesbo. All men aren't these filth. And if you decide they are, you're spitting on what *I* did . Because the *good* guys want to get laid, too. Understand?"
THE WHOLE BOOK IS LIKE THIS.[/quote]
I have to admit – it’s so awful that I’d read this.
In before Umac says something about Richard Morgan.
Food for thought:
[quote]“You’ve never actually raped a woman, have you?” Amy asked.
“Depends on the definition,” Mike replied. “I don’t think any of the hookers in the third world are actually volunteers. I keep that in mind when I fuck 'em. It helps.”
…I… I just… OH JOHN RINGO NO.[/quote]