Ongoing Best Wonkette Quotations Thread

“After eight years of that alky teetotaler George W. Bush, it’s always a delight to see that your president is man enough to have a beer without turning into some raging drunken elder-abusing asshole.”

So alcoholics are unmanly?

Only if they stop drinking.

Not unmanly, less manly.

I do believe running and hiding is cowardly, regardless of whether the place to which you run is at the bottom of a bottle. A recovered alcoholic would then be twice the coward, as they are too scared to hide in certain places.

Tee hee!

Lindsey Graham takes it up the cornhole.

"Ahh, T minus ten days until human TwitterBerry Sarah Palin stops holding back and starts GETTING REAL 4 REAL. However! This presents an ontological problem of sorts, as everything that is “politically incorrect” is also therefore a “joke about Trig.” "

"NAME THAT PUBLICATION: Zero dollars to those who correctly guess the crucial political digest that published this sentence today: “Drinking is not an uncommon thing for presidents, historians say.” HINT: It’s Politico. HINT: Even TNR is allowed to make fun of this publication. "

“A special “Welcome Back” to America’s congress, Congress, who have just returned from the least fun recess ever. They will now be expected to figure out a health care plan for a citizenry who insist that eating each other’s limbs is an effective means by which to debate health care plans.”

“…a tElEpRoM-TErr joke, the conservative typist’s favorite digital armpit-fart.”

“Look at this shouty email your Wonkette editor received today! It is about Ron Paul—and not just in the sense that everything written in all-caps is automatically, in some way, technically “about” Ron Paul.”

2:1 that was shortsx3.

Oof, these are the best?

“The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.”

Wait. That’s verbatim.

yeah I really thought this thread would be one empty post after another

Wonkette’s OK, but personally I prefer the Poor Man for my daily dose of political snark. Sadly though he only seems to be posting about twice a month lately, so it’s Wonkette by default.

Sadly, No!

“As we wrote last year, ‘It’s like two quarter-pound stools of alien space shit crashed into a toxic waste dumpster in Stamford, Connecticut, fucked, and out came their mutilated, blood-soaked carcass of a baby rat-child, Senator Joseph Lieberman.’”

“There is a preview of some movie with blue people flying around on pterodactyls and firing laser guns. It is James Cameron’s adaptation of Going Rogue, insiders tell us.”

“Barack Obama presented lovers of Endless War last night with their precious tens of thousands of extra troop deployments to Afghanistan, to help the military protect Afghanis from the Americans. He presented his plan to Congressional leaders immediately before last night’s speech, so as to shut them the fuck up for a few seconds, jesus. Among these leaders was America’s #1 war-lover John McCain, who of course whined and screamed about how this new plan wasn’t quite warry and deathy enough to sate his infinite bloodlust for murder, terror, destruction and horror across the face of the earth, forever, until the last starving brown/black baby in a poor nation wins its Freedom from an American bazooka to the skull.”

“The New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl, proving that Barbara Bush was exactly right when she said that the city’s residents would benefit from Hurricane Katrina.”