Oprah 2020?

Honestly (no joke), coffee enemas have been a thing for a long time now. This isn’t new.

It’s true; they help to balance the humors and keep the black bile in check.

I mean the Phelps-inspired cupping craze looks fairly medieval… maybe Goop could promote leeches next year?

Hardly new. I knew a guy who did this in the 1970s. He ended up going anti-vax.

(Oprah by 10, saved you a click)

I got a rueful chuckle out of this quote from the LA Times article on the Goop coffee enema thing:

Implant-O-Rama claims that the enema “can mean relief from depression, confusion, general nervous tension, many allergy related symptoms, and, most importantly, relief from severe pain.” The company offers the glaring caveat that their claims are “not necessarily based on scientific evidence from any source.”

That company is full of shit. :D

Where did this nonsense with shoving crystal eggs up your vagina or packing coffee in your ass even come from? I’m more of a traditionalist, occasionally marinating my balls in Cookie Crisp and whole milk when I’m feeling a little anxious. That’s about it.

I knew people who died from it but they died in the late 90’s. My wife lost several cousins to AIDS. I agree that there were groups who were aware, but for various reasons (homophobia?) the general populace was slow in responding.

He was much more politicaly aware than Trump. And today he is just considered another RINO by many on the right.

Starbucks does them in their backroom.

I do like bourbon balls.

There’s definitely a transgressive strain among quacks, I’m not entirely sure why. I think it probably makes them feel like they’re doing medicine by shoving things into various orifices. It’s a way to access the body without having to cut anything.

If they were crystal eggs, it’d be dumb but harmless.

The problem is that it’s eggs made of crap like Jade, which is a porous material, which means eventually you’re just shoving a bacteria ball up in there.

Yeah, but bacteria’s natural, so it’s all OK.

Neither orifice is even remotely sterile. They are both at maximum bacterial occupancy, all the time. Which is good, because it helps to keep undesirable bacteria from gaining a foothold.

Unless you, you know, grow a whole colony of undesirable bacteria on a jade egg, and then shove it up in there.

Intentionally grow pathogenic bacteria on a jade egg? That sounds like something a Bond villain would do.

Otherwise, the normal population of jade egg flora is probably similar to the normal flora on your skin, in your mouth, and in your nose, which is also the population that tries to colonize below decks (though some individuals are better at it). They are all usually harmless, but sometimes people get unlucky.

I think I’ll go with the advice of the actual doctors who say you should absolutely not do it.

But what if the jade was fortified with 12 essential vitamins and minerals? Or was personally signed by Gwyneth Paltrow?

You shouldn’t do it because a jade egg is a small foreign body, and small foreign bodies can get trapped. And also because jade eggs are used for hours at a time, which is much longer than most non-sterile things that are routinely inserted downstairs.

Has it actually been inside her?