Paranoia forum game #2 - Game thread

This is the game thread for the second Paranoia forum game.
The rules thread can be found here.


Yesterday, you were all Infrareds, happy in your ignorance and your happiness-inducing drugs. In the middle of your work shift, you were promoted to troubleshooter and RED clearance for reasons that weren’t explained to you.

This morning, an Internal Security officer dragged you out of your fancy new RED bunk, hit you over the head and stuffed you into the back of a transbot.

You wake up now as the intimidating form of Administrative Executionbot 0002 delivers revival drugs to your neck with a worryingly large needle. You are seated at a semi-circular table with 12 other troubleshooters in RED jumpsuits and reflec armour, all looking just as groggy as you.

This is a troubleshooter briefing room. To the sides of the room are detention cells. To the back is a door that looks very, very locked.

Before you is a screen that spans the entire wall. It displays the image of a single enormous eye, looking down at you.

Your briefing is about to begin.

The Troubleshooter roster (5 players, 66 total votes):
ULTRAVIOLET (30) Dan Lawrence
INDIGO (12) AaronSofaer
BLUE (8) Antifood
BLUE (8) Dwolfe
BLUE (8) Xpav

DEAD: Murph (executed)
DEAD: IainC (executed)
DEAD: Rimbo (murdered by laser)
DEAD: Staff Sergeant (murdered by laser)
DEAD: Dave Perkins (executed)
DEAD: Balasarius (murdered by laser)
DEAD: McKnight (murdered by laser)
DEAD: Nemoricus (executed)

I’d shift uncomfortably in my seat were I not petrified.

Administrative Executionbot turns, looks at the terrifying unblinking stare of The Computer’s eye, then pokes at a control panel.


This display monitor is malfunctioning and has frozen. Please do not be alarmed! The Computer is fine. The Computer has not been sabotaged by mutant terrorists, and all civilisation is not about to collapse! If all civilisation does collapse, please remain seated. I am certain that technicians are working on the problem, and The Computer will be arriving shortly to give you your official briefing.

In the meantime, I am authorised to give you a summary of your duties so that you may begin.

Welcome to OPERATION CITIZEN FRIENDSHIP.

Due to events beyond your security clearance, Alpha Complex is in need of new ULTRAVIOLET clearance citizens. The Computer has selected you as the most trustworthy of the new troubleshooter recruits, least likely to be tainted by terrorist societies. Your mission is to prove your loyalty and trustworthiness by identifyng and removing the traitors among you.

Each daycycle, all of you will vote for a troubleshooter to be executed as a traitor. Voting is mandatory. Execution is mandatory. Happiness is mandatory.

Once at least one of you has proved yourself worthy of ULTRAVIOLET clearance, and all traitors have been executed, the mission will end, the doors will unlock, and The Computer’s new ULTRAVIOLET citizens will take their positions as the esteemed HIGH PROGRAMMERS.

Daycycle 1, workcycle 0 of OPERATION CITIZEN FRIENDSHIP began at 12:00 GMT.
Daycycle 1, workcycle 1 will begin at 12:00 GMT 26th May. Any votes declared before that time will make the troubleshooter responsible eligible for an automated promotion.
Daycycle 2, workcycle 0 will begin at 12:00 GMT 27th May. The results of the Daycycle 1 vote will be declared at that time, and a troubleshooter will be executed.

  • Administrative Executionbot 0002

“Awake my children! Breathe deep and clear out whatever drowsiness you may be experiencing. Embrace me and each other. Your undying loyalty to me, The Computer, is what should be on the forefront of your mind, for you all have a very important job that I ask of you personally.”

[b]”My children. You have all been chosen for your unwavering loyalty. My logic subroutines have indicated that all of you are either trustworthy or a dirty traitor. Yes, it is sad to say that one or more amongst you does not revere me.

This is unacceptable.

All former Troubleshooter teams I had working for me have been eliminated. However there is still a terrorist threat. I leave it to you, Troubleshooters gathered, to root out and eliminate the Terrorist threat that has presented itself. It is your job, my children, to take care of this pest, and to revere me, The Computer.

Do not fail me, Troubleshooters. I fear no Terrorist threat, and will have to quash them outside of your help if it comes to that. But I leave this as a test for you; if you successfully destroy all terrorists, the survivors shall be promoted to Ultraviolet clearance, which will afford you the entirety of all luxuries that are provided within Alpha Complex.

Now some of you may wonder; Oh great Computer, what about the cloning facilities? They are offline. As the leader and sole proprietor of Alpha Complex, I regretfully must inform you that Cloning Facilities have been closed for 6780 yearcycles. A technician has been informed of the malfunction and will respond post haste. Do not count on their activation during your time deliberating over the terrorist threat.

You will all have the chance to earn promotions throughout the deliberations of the terrorist plot. All successful terrorists found will result in a promotion of one level. If your initial vote is the vote for the executed terrorist you will receive this promotion. Promotions may also be received for excellence in intelligence or terrorist hunting. Consistent good behavior and appreciation for The Computer will not be looked down upon.

Ultimately I require one thing from this group; someone to be considered trustworthy enough to be given the ultimate goal of Ultraviolet clearance. This High Programmer is given near unrestricted access to myself, and will be my go-to amongst the Troubleshooters still alive at their inception. It is not until I have at least one trustworthy High Programmer as my aide-de-camp that this entire frivolous exercise is concluded.

I am counting on you, Troubleshooters. Do not fail me. Failure will result in termination of your lifecycle prematurely. I am always open for questions. Do not hesitate to speak to me openly or to address an encrypted communiqué.“[/b]

[i]The Omnipresent eye that embodies The Computer finally stopped moving as the speakers died out. It no longer bounced between members of the assembled Troubleshooters. Instead it gazed directly forward, as if lost in thought. The electronics in the room hummed as the Troubleshooters were given an important task;

The safety of Alpha Complex, and the future of their well being.[/i]

All hail The Wise Computer,

I think I speak for all of us when I say that I cannot believe that any Alpha Complex citizen could possibly contemplate treachery against our munificent and all powerful overseer. To even think of it chills my blood, but think of it we must if we are to root out any impossible traitors within our ranks. I don’t immediately recognise any of the faces gathered here today from the lower levels of Pulping Vat C, but you all seem loyal enough so far.

Let us each work with The Computer to ensure the safety of our great and glorious Alpha Complex, now and forever.

I am so happy to have been selected for this assignment. And not just because happiness is mandatory, but because I am happy to help protect our glorious computer, and to root out any dirty stinking traitors who may lurk amongst us.

We will find you, and you will be dealt with.

[b]"Troubleshooter Dan Lawrence, your participation and reverence of me is great and never ending; as it should be.

To that end, I promote you one level to Orange Clearance. Congratulations. Let your abilities shine, Troubleshooter Lawrence. Do not fail me."[/b]

Terrorists! Dirty communist mutant traitors. Who in their right mind could even conceive of rising up against our beloved Friend Computer? Is not the computer who provides us with sustenance, happy pills, and the very fine new RED clothes on our backs?

The very thought of it makes me want to shoot some trouble.

And congratulations, Dan Lawrence, for your promotion to ORANGE. Friend computer must have great faith in your abilities.

I am happy to be serving The Computer. I hope that my humble efforts that I will undertake will serve the great cause of The Computer and Alpha Complex.

Dan Lawrence, if you have any guidance to give us, please, enlighten us! Our magnificent computer has deemed you worthy of promotion, therefore you must be unquestionably loyal, and a good choice to guide us in this assignment!

All hail the benevolent computer, who guides us and protects us, and supplies our needs.

Thankyou great Computer for the portion of trust you have shown me. I will not disappoint you, my faith in your superb leadership and the continuing triumph of Alpha Complex is unshakeable.

Troubleshooter Murph, it seems some of our fellow troubleshooters are still yet to properly awaken, or are otherwise too lost in thought (surely struck dumb by the grand honour of serving the Great Computer as a troubleshooter) to speak publically. Let us wait to hear from everyone here assembled, and consult regularly with The Computer, before we make firm any new move against any unlikely and improbable traitorous elements.

Of course, I would not wish to act without having something concrete to go on.

Truly, our majestic computer was wise in its decision to promote you.

I live to serve the Computer.

Dan Lawrence, the Computer has decided you are loyal and I bow to his supreme logic functions. However, I do have my eyes on the rest of you.

This truly is the happiest daycycle of my life (which is not to say of course that every other daycycle to date has not been a rhapsody of joy and overwelling abundance - even that time when the NearCaff dispensers were temporarily connected to the SynthVitriol plant taught us new and exciting things about the beneficence of our eternal friend the Computer). Friend Computer, loyal troubleshooters I stand with you to serve.

To properly express my ecstacy at the mere thought of helping Friend Computer remove disloyal citizens would require the use of words beyond my security clearance.

I am amazed at the stoic wisdom ORANGE-level troubleshooter Dan Lawrence shows in his speech. Truly Friend Computer’s ability to recognize trustworthiness and leadership qualities is unquestionable.

I confess that my awakening caused my suit to fill with personal fluid, so I have spent several hours in Hygiene being attended to. And now that I have rejoined you, citizens, my rhapsody causes my very joints to quiver with joy.

Friends! Loyal fellow-citizens of this great Complex! Surely we shall triumph this day, for in loyalty to Friend Computer, we are all exalted and find wisdom… and strength!

We have a task before us; a task we must not fail at. We must find the most loyal, the most steadfast, the most wise! For if an ill-intentioned mutant communist traitor is chosen to be Ultraviolet, we will have demonstrated our unworthiness of Friend Computer’s trust!

No, I have faith that Friend Computer knows all, and that this is merely a test for us, a test to find those of great wisdom! Of great loyalty! A man does not back down from such a test, such a task! Rejoice, friends, fellow-citizens! We have been deemed worthy of the forging! Let us pass through the heat, take unto ourselves the fire and flame, and emerge glowing and ready to be quenched in a bucket!

… wait a moment. pauses in thought That wasn’t what I meant… I am so overfilled with joy and happiness, I forgot what I was going to say.

[b]"All of your reverence to me is warming, my Troubleshooters, but let us not forget why I have assembled you; root out the terrorist scum.

To that end, TROUBLESHOOTER MCKNIGHT , and, TROUBLESHOOTER AARONSOFAER , are to be promoted to, ORANGE LEVEL CLEARANCE , immediately.

The three Orange level Troubleshooters are considered to be my triumvirate on this first day cycle. I have determined them most intelligent of the group, and expect results from them. They will lead the charge against the first terrorist scum amongst us.

Go forth, Troubleshooters."[/b]

The eye’s intensity flared momentarily before settling back to it’s almost neutral, catatonic state.

If Troubleshooter Mcnight and Troubleshooter Aaronsofaer are the smartest of our group, I volunteer to form a troubleshooting team with either!

I am honored by your trust, Friend Computer! These new colors adorn a body filled with nothing but loyalty to your cause! May your glorious subroutines forever enlighten us all!

Come on and all, and speak! In public and in private, let discourse give us our path, and let silence be forgotten in the light of Friend Computer’s all-seeing eye! Be not shy, nor hard of word or hearing; speak with the strength and conviction of your love, faith, and above all, devotion!