Parrots

The real question is: “would I make a good owner?”

The real question is: “would I make a good owner?”

Oh, now I get it. I’m laughing, but I feel like an idiot for staring at the post the first time you made the joke, wondering what I was missing.

Secondhand from the one person I know who has a parrot as a pet:
Imagine have a 2 year old stuck permanantly at two for up to 80 years.

They poop on you, they tear stuff up, if you leave them alone for any length of time whatsoever they start freaking out and ripping their feathers out. The last is because they super social animals and are far more likely to act out about it than dogs.

I guess they make good pets if either (1) you don’t care about treating them well, or (2) you want the bird to become a major focus of the rest of your life.

Wait, if the average dog is approximately as intelligent as a four-year-old human (so I’ve been told) then surely parrots are more intelligent than two-year-olds? Ignoring the pooping and tearing thing.

Fuck owning parrots or birds as pets. You know what I need out of a pet in order for it to qualify as a pet? The ability to pet it. Go on and try petting a parrot. The dirty motherfucker will go for your pinky finger with its crusty little beak and wormy tongue, it will.

No, birds are closer to fish and you know what fish are? They’re not pets. You can’t pet them. They’re fucking furniture. And unlike fish, which are furniture you occasionally feed and clean (just like you have to clean any furniture), they don’t provide a nice sense of mood or promote tranquil thoughts by staring at them absent-mindedly.

No, the filthy feathered fink is more like a TV set that occasionally, and at the least opportune times, suddenly clicks on and shows nothing but blurbs of some amazingly annoying foreign programming with the occasional word in English to throw you off. Oooh! It said “honeytits!” LAWLS SO PRECIOUS. Now back to “SQUAAAUK-EEECHUK,” our regularly scheduled programming! It’s also a TV set that spits out shit and seeds and other assorted noxious filth. I’ve never met one couple that owned a bird where either of them actually liked the ridiculous fucking thing, much less love it. It was merely pure stubbornness on whichever one of them wanted it in the first place, keeping it in order not to cave and admit Yeah, ok Honey, it was a really stupid fucking idea; I owe you one. Meanwhile, the other shoots daggers at its repugnant, flapping retarded self and knows the grody little fucker knows how hated it is, and is pleased as Hell over it. If you are angry at a puppy, it mopes and looks at you longingly until you cave and pet it, and then all is right. A bird? Man, it thrives on your displeasure. Feed me, Worm. And watch that cage door, because I’ll escape on you the nanosecond you give me the opportunity, the fact you feed and care for me means nothing! NOTHING! you hear! Now clean the bottom of my cage! Be quick about it and I won’t peck at your arm while you do so this time.

I’ve never met a single person who owned a bird. It’s my belief they either get rid of it in short order after they realize their profound mistake in buying one, or they dispose of it in a dumpster after bashing in its disgusting little head in a fit of mania AHHAHAHAHHHHHHGHGHGGGHGHH SHUT!!! UP! YOU! STUPID! FUCKING! BIRD! POLLY WANT A TACKHAMMER? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCKER.

My sister had a budgie that was perfectly safe outsde the cage and would go shopping with her. Lots of fun. But you really do have to train them to be used to being petted at a very early age.

We need a captioned photo of Gob throwing his dove into the ocean now.

This is obviously false.

Well, okay that’s fine, but I wasn’t the one who brought up animal-human intelligence comparisons.

This is obviously false! This is obviously false! Awwwwwwk!

Nice rant. I pretty much agree. I happen to own a cockatiel because it was foisted on me as a gift. (Note, not a cockatoo, a much smaller bird, but bigger than a parakeet or budgie).

They are supposed to be very friendly, sit on your shoulder, learn to talk, all that kind of stuff. Mine will shriek loudly if I get anywhere near him (after 5 years!) and sure as hell won’t sit on my shoulder. I spent a fair amount of time feeding him millet to try to get him to respond in a more friendly way – the only thing that will cause him not to go all aggressive if given by hand – and he still flaps his wings and goes insane if I put my hand in his cage. I’m told it’s because he must have been raised in a pet store with no human contact as a chick – but still, not exactly a really rewarding pet.

Still, even as a cage bird (he’s too stupid to be allowed to fly around – hits his head on walls every time and is obviously terrified of wide open spaces) – he has his interesting quirks. Like not eating anything that was ever obviously alive (they’re supposed to like greenstuff and fruit, but not him), and not eating anything colored yellow.

I admit at this point I would be sad if he suddenly died, but not very sad.

Sure, but it’s still obviously incorrect, regardless of who brought up the topic :)

Apart from cabinet members, who aren’t as smart as slugs anyway, I don’t think any non-human animal is smarter than any non-brain-damaged human. I don’t think parrots are smarter than dogs, which are after all one of the smarter kinds of mammals.

On the Internet, no one knows you’re a conure.

The comparison wasn’t meant to be taken as a scientific statement, it’s intended as another way of saying they aren’t just stupid ornaments that sit on your shoulder, they have pretty complex needs.

Animal-Human and Animal-Animal intelligence comparisons are all pretty silly anyway.

Your statement (“non-human animal is smarter than any non-brain-damaged human”) is also obviously false – plenty of dogs are smarter in many ways than, say, a 1 year old (no offense to my daughter, but I’m going with personal ancedote on this one). I’m not sure where you got your opinion on dogs versus parrots, or dogs versus the rest of the animals, but I assume it’s just as made up as the “dog is as smart as a 4 year old” thing. Just because you have a dumb bird doesn’t mean they all are, right?

Certainly, there are birds that display a pretty high level of intelligence.

It all gets into what definition of smart you’re talking about. When people say animals are smart, they usually mean they have good ways of communicating with humans, not that they are great at problem solving.

Anyway, my only point was parrots sound like a huge pain in the ass as a pet if you want to treat them well.

Growing up we owned two cockatoos, an Amazon Green and an African Grey.

For the owner who is willing to give them huge amounts of attention they are extremely rewarding pets. They are intelligent and affectionate although unpredictable. Also, they chew shit like you would not believe. It is unbelievably cruel to keep a parrot locked in a cage all its life. It should be integrated into the family and it will love waddling around the dinner table while you are eating and will help itself from your plate.

Don’t get a parrot who has not been hand reared from a chick just out of the egg or you will get bitten - and those birds bite hard. If you live in a small house or have neighbours a cockatoo is a definite ‘no’. They shriek at eardrum bursting volumes and it will drive you nuts.

In summary, they are highly specialized and no good as casual pets.

A good parrot site (for larger parrots like Cockatoos):

http://www.mytoos.com/main.shtml

Sounds like a lot of headache.

Did you get your cockatoos circum–WHOA, wrong thread, my bad!

Bill clearly needs this parrot

Let’s just keep these highly intelligent, social animals in the wild where they belong eh? Keeping one in a cage is cruel.