So I used to be really good friends with a co-worker of mine until recently after a falling out. Now she’s beginning to spread gossip about me to people who know me and even people who don’t.
I know this is can be a serious offence in the workplace as we have to take an Integrity/Ethics course every 8 months with a whole subsection on Harassment+Poisoned work environment. I think I’m obligated to report to upper management, but I have no idea how the process works beyond or consequences to each party.
The way we handled these things in junior high school, because apparently that’s where this bitch thinks she is, is to ignore it and not let it bother you. The people who know you as a good person (assuming you are a good person) will take your word over hers and recognize her for the slanderous Cylon she is.
Anyone else who has an opinion can fuck off and doesn’t matter.
We don’t know the context here. If he does that, he may be admitting to relationships with a coworker which may or may not be highly regarded by upper management. It also opens the floodgates for hearsay and he-said-she-said from this woman.
Yes. Don’t. If your bosses think you do a good job, who cares that she has told your co-workers about your playing a flirty female avatar on WoW, or whatever the embarassment is
Your ethics office has to keep everything confidential. If you don’t report it and someone else does, then you could be in some trouble. If there’s any hint that she’s claiming that you harassed her, then you must report it. Since it’s confidential, you may as well. Any ethical ethics office won’t release the report to your management.
I’m speaking from experience from where I work. They have an ethics office which is separate from personnel and which works independently of upper management. If this is not the case where you work, then ignore what I said:).
Since you aren’t using your real/full name, why not just tell us the rumors and the real relationship you had? That would help us give you better advice.
If he doesn’t report it, she will, then he’ll look like he had something to hide. Even if he screwed up it’s better if he deals with it than she does.
It’s already he-said-she-said, except he’s not saying anything. If you think she’s going to get bored of trying to get him fired or hated, you don’t know women.
I agree that some more information would be good before any good advice can be rendered.
If this is a situation where the other person spreading around whatever gossip is being spread around can result in the OP getting canned, for example if it was about embezzlement or on-the-job harassment or similar, then immediate action is called for.
If it’s just a case of reputation tarnishing, the appropriate response is quite likely to do nothing. Don’t stoop to the other parties level, say nothing bad about them ever. Rise above. Just engaging in that sort of dirty laundry airing at work tarnishes the rep of the person airing the dirty laundry.
If it gets bad, work on establishing a baseline record of being reasonable whenever there’s witnesses while at the same time being outrageously abusive to the other person whenever there aren’t witnesses. The goal being to get the other person to blow up in some public manner that leaves everyone thinking that the other person is the one with issues and a lack of professionalism.
First, unless you work at an unusually enlightened company, those courses and “obligations” are there to protect the company’s ass from sexual harassment lawsuits, not to help you.
Second, confront the idiot and level with them - why are you busting my balls? What can I do to make you happy? Etc., etc.
Third, if you trust your immediate boss, explain the situation to them and ask for advice. If you don’t trust them, do you have a good enough relationship for their boss? Will they take it out on your boss in retaliation?
If none of those is going to work, sure, go to HR or ethics or whatever, but don’t expect a lot at that point.
Thanks for the input everyone, I appreciate it, I need it.
Ok more details:
Stephanie and I were friends, just friends and nothing more, not bed buddies or anything even remote. But I guess she did have feelings for me in the past. anyhow, we got into a fight because she was supposed to babysit my girlfriend’s toddler and weaseled her way out of it. She’s the typical user of people and has excuses and justifications for all her actions. I rejected her apology.
My girlfriend, Jan, just recently became friends with Stephanie. They used to hate eachother. Stephanie used to badger me about her on a daily basis, saying vile things about her not just to me, but others in the office as well. This had been going on for almost a yr but Stephanie ‘came clean’ with Jan very recently telling her she did say terrible things. Jan forgave her. But she’s way too forgiving. Now that they’re friends, will Stephanie go to everyone she speaks to and reverse all that gossip? Of course not.
Anyway, now Stephanie is badgering Jan about me, telling her to break up with me for various reasons. Now we’re all fine so far. But now: Jana is getting the same advice suddenly from others in the office, people who have not even met me.
I have no idea whom else Stephanie has spoken to and she’s been there much longer than I and knows many more people.
There’s nothing damaging she knows about me either. It’s just general trashing me, making assumptions about me and just inventing things that worries me.
