Puns that can retire now

This is for simple English puns that have been beaten into everybody’s skull so thoroughly that we need to all agree to never use them again until everyone currently alive has died, at which point they may be fresh or at least not contemptible again. Workarounds are provided for the benefit of advertisers who would rather kill themselves than have an original thought.

  1. Did you know that the words “berry” and “very” sound similar? Of course you do, if you’ve ever heard a single fucking ad for something that contains berries or berry flavor. Whatever it is, it’s guaranteed to be “berry good!”

Workaround: Hire spokespeople whose names can be punned similarly, such as “Berry” White or Mayor Marion “Berry.”

  1. Any product designed with cat owners in mind is sure to be flawless. How are the manufacturers to convey this? Well, we’re in luck, because everyone knows that cats “purr,” so the product can be described as “purr-fect!”

Workaround: Mudslinging negative advertising for rival products, which are described as “purr-poseless” or “purr-functory.”

Anyone have other suggestions for puns that no one ever needs to hear again?

Inserting the word “funk” into other words or phrases to make them seem cooler. What’s up with those douchebags?

This thread is eggcellent.

Yeah. Those people are funked up.

Not quite a pun, but within the purview of what I was thinking of: Yes, we know that “school” and “cool” rhyme. No, you’re not allowed to rhyme them anymore.

Oh you’re such a verbal ghoul. Putting these things to rest like you’re some kind of reaper. Rhyming? I want to dig deeper.

No more rhyming now, I mean it!

“Have an ice day!” is fail ice-cream advertising.

But it makes for berry eggcellent ice-Kareem advertising.

There was a Disney preview on some DVD for a Pooh movie that was for a Pooh Holloween special that said things like “you’ll scare up a ghost of a good time!”


The entire narrative of DisneyWorld’s Haunted Mansion.

Anybody got a peanut?

I thought it was:

No more rhyming, and I mean it!!

Anybody want a peanut?

You’re both wrong. It’s “No more rhymes now, I mean it!” “Anybody want a peanut?”

Internet geeks misquoting from The Princess Bride? Inconceivable!

Also the entire cartoon series of Beetlejuice. Ugh.

Ok, basically watch all of the cryptkeeper scenes in “Tales from the crypt”

Anything he says is worth retiring in my book.

(go to a 1:40 in)

“You didn’t know I was the boo-it yourself type”

“Here is a bookshelf I just finished for my die-brary”

“Over there is a stand I made for my big-scream T.V.”

yeah, there is about 1.5 puns every 10 seconds.

I made this up at work yesterday:

What did Tarzan say when an earthquake shook the jungle?

“Let the chimps fall where they may.”

You are!

The one and only surefire way to stop rhyming. Just say it with proper timing.

We’ll surely avoid scurvy if we all eat an orange…