5541

I’ve never liked Christmas (family reasons growing up and carrying on till adulthood), but my wife (of 14 years) has warmed me up to it (after many years of hard work), and now I love spending it with her. I do associate his death with both occasions now, but there’s not much I can do. Given the nature of Christmas, I think we’d all be feeling about the same even if it occurred in a summer month.

5542

Kerzain, you know it or you wouldn’t have posted about it, but, it’s helpful (healthy) to talk about this rather than keeping it inside. Not a pity party but, your own process for dealing with it, and your instincts are good on this too. You’re going to be alone, it’s the holidays (already a tough time of year), and this day, ordinarily one of good cheer through your whole life is now (for your lifetime) profoundly different than it was in the past.

It’s helpful not only to you, but to others, because many times we go through long periods of our lives when things are working out the way they are supposed to, and we are unprepared when significant life issues come around. Knowing that others get through those times, and also being more open to helping others through those times, help us all.

I’m sorry for your loss too, it made me think about the fact that I lost my brother too, though a long time ago (1969). He was only 5, and it was my father’s inattention to him that lead to his death (drowning). But, like you, I think, I miss him, no matter that it was so long ago for me, and, for you, only a short time ago.

I thought too of my mom, her birthday is September 11th. Granted she had a lot of them before 0911, but, every one since she has had to share the day with the infamous horror that took place on that day.

It made me think too of 070711, which was my sobriety date this year, but also the day we put our much loved cat, Cosmo to sleep. I’m not trying to equate human and animal life, or to analogize too much with your own situation. Just letting you know that, while difficult, you might be able in time to look at it the way I do with Cosmo. Yes, it took away from what is a significant day in my life each year, but really, it was additive, it is a great way to remember when he passed away, and I know I was helping him, and loving him, and sharing that day with him. I hope you can find a way in time to also share this day with your brother - he is gone, yes, but in your memories he lives. Hang in there bro’.

5543

Seriously, that’s got to be horrible. A birthday that close to Christmas? That’s just parental negligence. People shouldn’t screw in the latter half of March.

5544

My best friend died of a massive heart attack on Christmas Day last year. This year is going to be… I have no idea… I’m excited for Christmas, but there is an undercurrent of sadness and regret.

5545

Jason, that’s rough man. Such a mixture of emotions and, a profound loss and absence in your life too. I don’t know how to deal with it (who does, really?) but hope you can also think about how your friend would have wanted you to deal with it, maybe that will help. You too were close, and he would want you to do what he did this time of year (or, when you guys were together) and have a good, even great time particularly since he is no longer with you (and to help others do that too).

5546

Before my dad died a few years ago, one of the last lucid things he said to me was “Merry Christmas.” Or it might have “Happy Christmas.” I can’t remember exactly, which breaks my heart. The next day he was in the hospital. He hung on until family arrived from the UK to say goodbye, and died on New Year’s Eve.

For now, anyway, the best this time of year gets for me is bittersweet. That will change, I hope, with time and circumstance.

Also not looking for sympathy, but taking the opportunity to get the thoughts out. Thanks, all. This helps.

5547

This thread (at least on this page) delivers sadness.

5548

Yea, sorry about that.

5549

Yeah, death sucks.

… it’s been a rather anomalous year for losing friends.

5550

Question on the website for a job to which I am applying: “why do you want to work in QA?”

Is the answer “because it’s not retail” acceptable? :P

5551

I think you know the answer.

They want to hear that you love finding flaws to make things better . . . for long hours, low pay and less respect.

5552

I hate those shitty cliche application questions. The question might as well be “how well can you lie to my face and tell me meaningless garbage I pretend I want to hear?”

5553

Q: What is your biggest personal flaw?

A: I’m a workaholic. I just cant stop working! I just have to finish what I start.

5554

I believe HR has been trained to not hire people who give that answer.

5555

Whenever I’m involved with the interview process, and I’m forced to ask that question (because I personally think it’s a fairly useless question), I will not hire anyone who gives any answer where their greatest flaw turns out to be an asset. If I’ve bothered to ask you that question, it’s because I want to know that you are capable of not seeing yourself as perfect and understanding that you can improve.

My honesty in answering that question when asked has likely cost me a number of jobs over the years.

5556

The logic “you should admit a flaw so you can improve” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. So when you’ve improved… you’re now flawless? But you just said that’s an unacceptable answer, so it’s tacitly assumed that you cannot actually improve but you should try anyway? That seems like the secularized workplace version of Christianity – we are all forever sinners and undeserving of the mercy we pray for…

Since you agree that the question is fairly useless in the first place, why not just accept a scripted answer from the Best Interview Answers textbook? Just focus on the real questions about job competence instead, everyone’s happier that way.

5557

“What is your biggest personal flaw?”

“I tend to be unforgiving to people who don’t pull their own weight. I don’t have high expectations, just expectations that I’m not doing their work for them, and that any lackadaisical attitude they may have won’t impact my own ability to do my job. This tends to cause friction if there’s a slacker in the department.”

Can’t say that has worked too well for me either.

5558

I didn’t mean to knock the Christmas tree over when I was trying to water it. Besides, I think the whole leaning up against the wall thing gives it a certain style.

5559

It’s a no-win question. Either the HR person is trained to not take people who answer with a strength, or to not take people who admit an actual weakness, and it’s a crapshoot as to which you’re getting.

The upside is that I can answer honestly, and if I don’t get hired over it I’ll call it a relief, that’s not the kind of atmosphere I’d want to work in. Much happier working with people (at whatever level they’re at) that are perfectly understanding that they have room to grow.

You know who’s the kind of person whose response to the question is a strength or that he doesn’t have one?

Donald Trump.

I think the point is made.

5560

My serious answer to that would be, “I have a filthy mouth and use it. I will completely forget where I am and curse up a storm. Extra points if it’s in front of my supervisor’s supervisor.”