6141

If you have many boxes still to be unpacked after moving, do not look for the thing you actually need. You will not find it. Search instead for something else. And you will find the first thing. But not the new thing. You will find that thing whilst looking for something completely different.

Example: Have been looking for the drill. Since day one. Need to find a box of Christmas lights already. Not found. Looking for box full of game CDs. Not found, but found the drill. Still looking for CDs. Found Christmas lights. Tonight I have to look for something else so I can find the games already.

6142

Plumbing is like writing; It’s horrible when you do it, but it feels so good to have it done.

6143

I didn’t think Rule 34 applied to “Minoan Swords”.

6144

Truedat. But when you know how to fix a grey water pipe
 like a trap or the bottom line from a disposal, you know you’ve saved a lot of cash.

Me, I don’t like messing with a toilet. Nor do I like digging up a huge septic tank. But I’ve done both. Of course YMMV.

Sometimes you have to do what the boss tells you.

6145

“He’ll say are you married, we’ll say no man;
But you can do the job when you’re in town.”

What the hell? Am I the only person who thinks that’s kind of, I don’t know, dirty?

6146

You very well may be. What exactly strikes you as untoward?

6147

Do you know the previous line?

“
we can build a snowman,
and pretend that he is Parson Brown.”

They’re making the snowman perform the marriage ceremony.

6148

I’m with you, and I have always pictured Frosty as a traveling snowman going town to town hooking up with loose women. I can only assume half of children of Winter’s Fall share Pastor Brown’s dark brown eyes and crooked nose.

6149

Usage/spelling tip of the day: please use discrete (meaning separate, distinct) and discreet (meaning quiet, unobtrusive, etc.) correctly.

Correct: “I prefer to use a discrete sound card.”

6150

TMI WARNING! TMI WARNING!

Note the above warning. Read further at your own peril.

So the wife and I have been together for a long time. Over 15 years, maybe closer to 20. And we love each other dearly.

This being so, we fart with no shame.

So tonight I’m sitting on the couch. She’s sitting in a chair near the couch. She makes that lovely ‘lift the cheek move’ that everyone knows and loves. There is the sound of a baby elephant saying hello. Maybe ‘pffrt’. And a few moments later she says, “Oh my god. Oh no. That is awful.”

And so I say, “It was bad, huh?”

And she says, “Get out now. Get out while you can. Oh my fucking God that is evil.”

And so I sit there and say, “Oh come on now it can’t be that bad.”

And she says, “Where is the Febreeze. Get it now.”

And I am about to make some joke, with my mouth open, and I taste it. If I tell you that I have worked on digging up and replacing septic tanks and I have never had the pleasure of this scent


It was an effluvia strong enough to water your eyes and rot your teeth.

Febreeze? Hell no. It would take napalm to cover this smell.

I ran from the room asking her why she was keeping dead skunks in her ass.

I have no problem with marriage as a fine concept. But if it allows someone to blast you with gas like this, there should be a Geneva Convention rule or something.

6151

Counter: “I prefer to use a discreet video card.”

6152

Somehow, over the weekend I developed a case of strep throat of epic proportions. You know those pictures you find when you google “strep throat” online? Close to that. Except it seems to be confined to my palatine tonsils (check wikipedia) which leaves me more than a little squicked when I look at my throat, because it essentially looks like an extradimensional being is trying to assimilate me, since they’re literally covered in white, pus-filled nodules.

It’s like the might spawn of C’thulhu has climbed into my mouth while I was sleeping and laid its eggs. I’m pretty sure in a few days I’ll wake in the middle of the night, screaming in pain, and then small squid-like creatures will be seen to wriggle forth from the back of my throat, growing steadily as they escape my mouth and set forth to conquer the world.

So, those of you who thought the whole Mayan end of the world prediction was hokum might want to reconsider. At the very least, you probably want to root for the antibiotics to kick in before late next week!

6153

This NASA photo of the day is beautiful:
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap121212.html

6154

Replica Indiana Jones journal shows up in University of Chicago mail bin.

6155

I am getting so very tired of this reality show crap. Specifically the ones that are supposed to have their ‘stars’ in ‘danger’. If you can show me that really dangerous place from three camera angles, it’s not danger, it’s bullshit.

6156

‘Put garlic in your windows and crosses in your homes’: Serbian council warns residents vampire is on the loose after his ‘house’ collapses

6157

Be careful that it’s not mono, which does the same thing. It can get so bad that it closes your throat.

6158

I finally found the box with all of my games in it. Tons of CDs. And as I saw each one I welcomed them to my new house. Hello, Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri, I have missed you. Greetings Doom 3 where have you been? Well hello Diablo 2 and your close friend Expansion. Hey Armed and Dangerous, where have you been all these years? Oh my word, Dungeon Master GOTY edition. I have missed you.

My friends are home. And I am happy.

What? What do you want my games? No, I’m running Win 7 64 bit now. No it doesn’t mean that I don’t still love you. Back, back all of you! I still have a Win XP laptop! AHHHHH
0re[wqu8hq[op0firkv

6159

It’s a bad idea to mistake your bottle of Ghost Pepper sauce for your bottle of cayenne pepper sauce. Wow. I feel like a new man, and by new I mean all the old internal bits have been dissolved.

6160

Houngan: Lanolin Baby Wipes