Roles Tom Chick Could Conceivably Take in Movies

Tom’s an old man now. He ain’t gonna cut it as the street tough anymore. And I get the feeling he’s tired of TV entirely. So before he returns to the big screen, we have to think up some potential film roles for him. What could work?


David Petraeus

Straight-to-video Sherlock Holmes

I’m drawing a blank on other possibilities right now. Your input is encouraged.

Lead role, Kevin Spacey biopic.

He’d have to brush up his Walken impression, of course.

Fools! Tom was born to play Dean Wormer in a remake of Animal House.

Samwise Gamgee.


Lead henchman to the villainous Michael Biehn in National Treasure 3.

Linda Barrett in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Gargamel in the straight to video sequel to the upcoming Smurfs film.

Daniel Day Lewis’ love interest in every movie ever.

Dr Strangelove remake?

My vote is a reprise of the junkie that Dylan met in rehab he played on “90210”, only older and on the new “90210.” Even though it was canceled.

Pablo Escobar in Medellín.

Oscar’s ex, when The Office hits the big screen.

By the way, dont ever do a google image search for “woody”.

John Waters, perhaps? Or is that more of a Steve Buscemi role?

Tony Hale’s twin in a wacky romcom where a series of hilarious mix-ups and switches occur as each vies for the affections of an Olsen twin.

Title: Betwin Friends

Uppity Waiter #2


JC Denton in Uwe Boll’s Deus Ex: The Movie.