Roy Batty knew how to die, so why don't I?

So he never touched you? What are you, chopped liver?

The nerve of that fuckin’ perv.

It’s literally the stupidest thing in the world, but that was approximately the 3rd thought I had when I heard the news.

Armando swallowed hard, then visibly centered himself, picked up the visiting room phone and spoke. “Dr. Silverman, I was one of your patients, back in 1997,” he said, staring at the glass wall separating him from his former pediatrician.

The man on the other side lacked the presence of the giant fleshy doctor he had known. No white coat, no stethoscope, no too-wide smile, no pink cheeks, no grape lollypop. He was a shrunken shell of a man. The orange prison jumpsuit hung on his frail frame. “I’m so sorry. I have pleaded to Jesus for forgivement for my sins. I do not hope that you will forgive me, but you must know I hold contrition in my heart,” the old man spoke slowly but deliberately, enunciating words he had practiced and spoken hundreds of times before, “and I will die here, between these walls, for it.”

Armando gritted his teeth and spat out “You never touched me, you son of a bitch! Why didn’t you love me? I was a sexy little boy!”

The old man was momentarily speechless. Then he stood up and unbuckled his pants, and
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I’m going to hell for laughing at that as hard as I did.

I’ll meet you there

This seems timely and relevant:

https://zachholman.com/posts/the-depression-thing

You could add antidepressants to that list. If they work for some people, that’s great, but I’m sick of being told they’re the solution to everyone’s problems. Maybe they work, maybe they don’t work, maybe they give you side effects that end up getting you killed. If people knew what the risks were, they wouldn’t turn to drugs except as a last resort.

That kind of advice got a hell of a lot of people addicted to opiates.

I knew one guy who took antidepressants and turned GAY. Gay for ME!

You and your hand don’t count, JMJ.

Are you saying my hand is a chick? Because that’s kinda hot.

As for seeking professional help, I’ll think about it. Quitting Twitter has definitely helped (JFC under Trump it is exhausting), and going for walks every day (yesterday was the first day) seems promising as well.

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Regular exercise and outdoors meditation-type activities are common suggestions to supplement directed therapy and medical regimens. Removing stressors from your life is rarely a bad thing, either, but if you are grappling with a deeper problem than a midlife crisis, you mind will probably eventually find or invent new pain points, as well.

e.g., in the last 2 years or so, I’ve watched my gf’s severe anxiety shift focus from driving/wrecks to bugs/infestations to (currently) the sun itself.

Upshot: we’re no longer going to the poorhouse buying anti-bug tools every grocery trip.

Downside: really, really good sunscreen ain’t cheap and you’re “supposed” to use a ludicrous amount of it.

Walking has a lot of scientific evidence behind it, beyond just the exercise. On a treadmill you get the exercise benefits; outside walks at the same exertion level provide additional anti-depressive benefits; outside walks in nature-like environments (trees etc) have even stronger anti-depressive effects. Lots of confounding factors here like if you walk outside in the morning you are also essentially doing light therapy with the sun, possibly fixing a Vitamin D deficiency, etc, but bottom line walking is pretty damn good.

But yeah, the way you describe feeling seems severe enough to me to warrant professionals. A tiny tweak can have a huge impact.

After that entire totally solemn post, a brilliant finale!

That story was wonderful, @stusser! You should write more.

I got nothing to add except thanks guys for lightening things up in here. This is a serious thread with lots of great information, but it was getting a little bit heavy.

If you do, I’m sure you know to seek carefully.
My girlfriend suffers from something similar (more along the lines of severe anxiety however, along with the depression), and she had to try several psychologists/psychiatrists. This took years, and she still hasn’t found one that works for her. Well, she had one that did wonders for her, and then he retired and moved away. He gave her some names of other doctors, but admitted that he didn’t think they were adequate for her, and he was right. Some of them were downright awful, according to her. One of them pretty much gave the old advice of “pulling herself up by her bootstraps” and insisted that she just get out there and do everything she fears.

Another doc didn’t like that she was on 200 mg. of Seroquel every day, and told her to “just stop taking it”. When my gf asked about withdrawal symptoms, the doc waved off her concerns, saying, “There are no withdrawal effects with Seroquel, as it’s non-addictive”. Well, she stopped taking it, and the following weekend was a total nightmare for both of us. Finally, I looked up Seroquel online, and found that there are severe withdrawal effects.

When she told the doc about this, the doc waved it off again, saying she must be “especially sensitive, as you’re on a very low dose.” We went online again, and found that 25 mg. is a very low dose, 800 is a very high dose, and 200 is a very respectable amount, not to be treated lightly.

I was ready to go after the doc for malpractice or negligence or something, but my gf is resistant to that (saying “no harm done”), and is weaning herself off the drug, which is working much better.

Sorry. I got carried away there. But yeah, not all doctors are great.

Since you avoided the question more than once Jeff, can we safely assume your wife has no idea?

Get some shrooms?

She does, definitely, it has been discussed in some detail, but perhaps not the depth of the feelings I have on it.

I don’t see a ton of value in freaking her completely out.

And anyways, it doesn’t matter. You got kids, you are here for the duration, whether you want that or not. The kids didn’t choose to be born, nor did they opt into your (and by your I mean, my own) peculiar brand of personal bullshit.

Sometimes, distance from + perspective on the problem is a plus. And my whole life revolves around randoms on internet forums; that’s literally my job.

I know this, and I think it’s drastically skewing your perspective here. The fact that you referred to demonstrating empathy in an earlier reply to me as a “game” reinforces this.

The fuck are you talking about? Citation, please.