School shooting in Florida


All four of them appreciate your concern.




I’ve told you guys that my current relationship is more or less based in (or at least arose from) tater tots and LotR, right?


I think we all pretty much assumed.


Yeah, I think that went without saying.


I’ve heard the way to any woman’s heart is to make her a tater tot Tower of Sauron.



Do they say Erie Seawolves on them? Did the baseball team provide them free of charge?


Is that what you call it?



I mean it’s cheaper than guns and guards, and given recent precedent, just about as effective.


The mini baseball bats story is ridiculous.

Teachers really need AR-15s, with a 2.5X Acog sight, under-mounted 12-gauge Masterkey shotgun attachment, and an offset side rail mounted tactical light.


Teachers really need books and pencils and other, you know, teaching, materials.


I made a proposal that in one school in the district, they give every student a tiny bat, and instead of normal education, they train exclusively in min-bat combat tactics.

But no one other than that school knows who the bat tactic school is.

Then, shooters will be dissuaded from attacking, for fear that they will be assaulted by hundreds of tiny bat wielding ninjas.

This plan is more reasonable than giving only teachers tiny bats.


I was being sarcastic. :-)


This arming teachers thing is working out really well.




Obviously the solution is to arm drunks, so they will be dissuaded from picking up any guns that might be left lying around.


I think the more obvious solution is to have an armed bathroom attendant in every restroom. Dual function would be defense against terrorism or mentally ill horrible monsters while also preventing opposite gender trans pervert predators from defiling our collective daughters in public bathrooms. Got to save that honor for the elected officials.


No the even more obvious solution is to privatize every school and have them be run by the same companies that make private prisons. Prisons are to keep people in - schools are to keep people out. Easy, symmetric, and barbed wire cuts both ways, don’t you know?

It’s clear government isn’t keeping our children safe! It’s time to let private industry step in! We’ll also exempt them from all academic requirements because safety first! and then think of the profits when we bring more private industry on board. A Panera Bread in every school, i say! We can automate out all these outdated teachers with cutting edge remote teaching technology - a 100" screen and youtube videos for every classroom!

No… wait. Obviously Youtube videos is silly. What we need is a private company that reproduces Youtube videos with their own teachers and marquees and then licenses them back to school districts on a per seat basis. I mean, aside from the telecommunication hardware installation upfront costs that can easily be paid for by a school bond, each classroom would save 10% a year vs. warm body, outdated, poorly trained teachers!

Instead of PE or Shop - it’s too dangerous to let the children outside, after all - we could give them hands on experience being entrepreneurs and have them work in real world factory settings; say, license plate stamping or textile sewing. And even pay them a nominal wage, like $0.25 an hour. Surely they’ll appreciate the extra money when they walk to Panera Bread at lunch time! And we can easily fit in an additional 4 hours a day of manufacturing experience by keeping them longer and shortening classes to 40m a piece.

Boy, i can just keep going with all these great ideas! Why aren’t I education secretary!