Either my kids are dumb, I am lucky or (very unlikely) I rock the parenting thing, but my kids haven’t ever pulled any of that shit.
No painting redbutt-poultice on the walls, no making everything shiny with the baby oil, no cooking nice eats with flour, chocolate powder and whatever was left in the litterbox.
My sister got all of the above from her little angels.
Not even the toilet paper thing? My little guy avoided most of the common toddler tropes of destruction but even he fell for the lure of the toilet paper.