Yeah, those were funny (#9 gets my vote for winner) but clearly the premise was fake.
I have a little experience with this sub-genre of try-hard high school writing as a reviewer of college applications. Here are some of my favorite quotes I’ve saved over the years…
“My eyeballs were rendered useless from the oppressive darkness around me.”
“I was not consumed by the reminiscing memories and bliss that annually blew through my heart and mind.”
“People go about their business as usual as the moist air and blueness of the YMCA swimming area consumes my father and my 7 year old self.”
“Though I didn’t realize it at the time, the leeches introduced me to my free will.”
“I can still hear the noise of the sink passionately goggling the water, which may have trapped my ring within its pressure.”
“A mother can be one of the most influential people in a child’s life.”
“My pounding headache from these seemingly insoluble questions rooted in my consciousness rang in cacophonous discord into the frozen silence.”
"Our eyes felt like raisins: desiccated, half the size of the fruit they were (from lack of sleep), and lifeless.”
“From the day of that doctor’s appointment, Chase had promised to spend every given second of the 24 hours, 8 weeks and 60 days we had left together.”
“For years, the mystical city that fosters your sediments has been a flawless wing-woman in-stead of a lover; it has fixed me with the most solicited bachelors and bachelorettes of the earth; along with their arousing pulchritude and radiant kindness, they all brought to my altar the entirety of human knowledge as a floral offering, but such treasures resting in my saturated hands feel obsolete as the purest diamond in times of dryness; I am thirsty of her love, ponderous Cathedral!”
“Our make out session lasts for god knows how long. Feeling satisfied, I retract my tongue, and pull away.”
