Skyrim: The Real Enemy Is Horses: maps is hard

Title Skyrim: The Real Enemy Is Horses: maps is hard
Author Marley
Posted in Game diaries
When December 7, 2011

After selling off my stuff at the local store I decide to go find the town that will let me join the thieves guild. After all, I'm awesome at stealing and I want a group of people to acknowledge that..

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I can't tell if this is "snarky internet humor" or a forum post transferred from Destructoid. All sorts of rabble getting their names on the front page, these days.

And in the comments section. Are you sure you didn't mean to post "first!"?

I was completely stuck in that stupid a$$ sewer as well...

Don't be a jerk, scharmers. Marley is doing exactly 100% more than you to make the front page of Qt3 a place where people can read about a variety of gaming experiences. I welcome anyone who wants to write about a game, in whatever style they like, and the last thing I want is some douchebag on the internet trying to discourage them. You can be a dickhead to me all you want, but do me a favor and spare the people kind enough to help me with the front page.

Why would I be a dickhead to you? You can write.

You know, I wasn't going to send Tom any more of these, but now I think I will!

You are an inspiration.

Marley can write also. You just don't like it. And for the record, you've been a dickhead to me whether I can write or not.

Look, you guys can act however you want on the forum. You've earned that privilege. Knock yourselves out. But please keep it off the front page. Marley and Jason and everyone else who joins me on the front page gets exactly zero compensation. We're all doing this for free because we like doing it, because we want to express ourselves and share our experiences. If you consider yourself a member of this community and you can't be supportive of that, then at least have the consideration to just hold your tongue.

I like this series too, enough with the pompous sniffing Scharmers.

Marley, keep on with the keeping on. You can roleplay that you're stabbing the haters in the face or stealing their stuff. Or both, I guess!

Speaking of stealing, how the bastard hell do you get those rings from the cabinet to get into the Thieves Guild? Is there a trick? Because I keep getting nabbed by the guards and a homicidal rage is building within me. I'd hate to have to assassinate a town.


It's not in the box on the stall, go behind it and look UNDER the counter top. That's the box you want. I did the exact same thing like three times and even went so far, the one time I got away with stealing a ring from that box, to go plant it on the other guy. I was SO ANGRY when the quest then didn't progress and thought it was bugged until I figured it out.


Thank you so much, I was probably going to spend another fruitless hour trying to observe the guard patterns (though I'm not sure he even moves, so it would have been a very dull hour) but now I do not have to! Yay for Marley!

I hate all the Marley hate. He's great, he hit a nerve with his apropro observation that horses are part of the problem in Skyrim. I'd also add NPCs, or companions in general--luckily, I don't worry about that when I get all fireball happy in the heat of a battle. Had similar problems in Saint's Row--they don't like it when you can't tell who is YOUR NPC and who is the bad guys--so I like to let someone else (with more free time) sort 'em out.

Anyway, I want to go on the record as enjoying the hell out of Marley's foul mouthed posts. Bravo.

It irritates me to see a comment on each of his posts, complaining about the swearing. They're right, he should fuckin stop. But he doesn't, and that makes it funner to read. I like the futile "please stop soiling QtT with your profanity" posts, they egg me on to keep reading in a way.

So to Marley, keep writing--I'm a fan. Don't listen to these haters, unless they're feeding your horse hate.

On a side note, how do you feel about Mr. Ed? Troublemaker or irrelevant?

One other comment--I seem to be at about the same point in the game as Marley--I also made the same giants/elephants mistake. Boy, do they hate it when you try to whack those elephants. And the giants, you can see/attack them from so far away because they're like big. Lulz, until they attacked me and knocked my character into the air for 3 seconds (instant die...).

Mr. Ed combines the two things I hate most: Horses and Talking. Therefore he is an abomination.

I mean, a fucking abomination.

P.S. Thank you! Also: I'm a girl.

And she owns a Wii!

Oops! I didn't pick up on that. I'm a fan though, and in complete agreement on the Mr. Ed stance. Horses should be seen and not heard. And by seen, I mean not where I can see them.

Weird, I had no problems with that quest, and thought it was cool.

I don't mean this as an "I'm better than you" comment or anything, I've been stumped several times in this game. Just this time I'd gotten it on the 1st go.

Get the ring from under the stall, check. Brynjolf (or w/e) distracts everyone, your mark sits conveniently in front of some boxes so you can hide and plant the ring, check. Dude gets arrested and I'm in!

Best part was right before I set him up, I gave that Dunmer a book I found on a shipwreck in the North telling him he was a descendant of House Telvanni. As a Morrowind fan, I had some lore-based nerd-joy, and the guy's all, "Here's the key to the lockbox under my stall, take everything, buddy!"

Then I have him thrown in jail. (I went and visited him there, so I assume you can give him the book there, too, if you find it after.)

At least once you're in the guild, there's a faster way in and out. You don't ever have to go through those sewers again. Well, except in the main quest.

Really enjoying your take on the game Marley. The maps are a lack features?

That said, all the dungeons seem to have a pattern to them, so far anyway.