So maybe I got whored

Ok, so Im buying a new car this week. I went to one dealership, who required a deposit to go searching for the car and bring it in from another state. So, I gave the deposit. I have not signed anything as of yet. Today, I find a dealer who is willing to go get the car, and sell it to me at invoice. Obviously I call the original dealer up and tell him to forget it, I found the car at invoice, please give me my money back. Now he is threatening to hold my money under legal grounds. However, I haven’t signed anything, nor was I warned that they would hold my money. In fact, when I asked, I was told I’d get my deposit back if I didn’t want the car when it arrived. What’s the deal here? If you can’t tell, this is the first time I’ve ever purchased a new car.

Erik J.

I’d say you are screwed, as you gave them money to perform a service and it sounds like they are performing the service. Still, if you are correct that absolutely nothing was in writing in this transaction and that you had a verbal money-back assurance you can try calling them up and threatening to make it a small claims court issue if they don’t offer a refund. Heck, if you have the time and the motivation, you can file a case in small claims.

How did you give them the deposit? Did you give them a credit card, or a check (or cash)?

I gave them a check, which I have since stopped payment on. When I called him up just a couple minutes to go to let him know I didn’t want the vehicle, he got snotty, so I went ahead and cancelled the check.

Erik J.

Then you should be okay. If they didn’t cash the check and you didn’t sign anything, then there really isn’t anything they can do. If they try to harass you about it, threaten to report them to the Better Business Bureau.

Yeah, I was tempted to drop the triple B on them in the first place, but I’ll wait to see his attitude when he calls back. Doesn’t really matter at this point since I stopped payment, but it still irks me a dealer would make things sound personal. I mean…I found a better deal, dude, suck it up.

Erik J.

So, just got a call back, and they will attempt to hold my money, so hopefully my stop payment goes through. Basically they’re saying because I signed the deposit slip (which doesn’t have any kind of description on it other than a check for 500), that I am liable. I guess we shall see how this works out.

Erik J.

The BBB is useless. I’ve never seen anything come of them; it’s like reporting a mob footsoldier to the boss for being corrupt.

The lesson here is never do anything with money involved unless its in writing.

The BBB is more than useless. The godfather might whack a footsoldier for being out of line. Here goes the typical BBB complaint:
Consumer: “Whaa, company X is the devil!”
BBB: “OK. We’ll do nothing.”
3 months pass
BBB: “Company X, have you resolved the issue with Consumer?”
Company X: “Yep.”
BBB: “Company X has a satisifactory record.”

They probably recognized you as a virgin whore the moment you stepped onto their lot. :-)

I was told I’d get my deposit back if I didn’t want the car when it arrived.

It’s not a deposit then. Rather, it’s just more of their psychological bullshit that new car dealers use on their prey.

Glad that you found a guy who would sell you at invoice. Most people aren’t able to secure reasonable deals for themselves when they go to a new car lot on their own.

Erik, I don’t mean to offend, but have you ever bought a car from a dealership ever? It’s all about getting personal with them. Look at how they’ve made you feel. They try to put the whole ball in your court. Fuck them. They don’t like you, they don’t care if you get the car you want or if you got a better deal. They want you to buy their car, now, today. It could be made out of dynamite floating in bottles of nitroglycerine attached to a dozen paint shakers and if they could get away with, they’d sell it to you. For $10,000 over invoice. Scumbags. They’re all scumbags. The other joint who is cutting you a better deal? They fucking suck, too. They’ll try to jack you 10 different ways, especially now that they think your guard is down and they’ll make you feel guilty because “they did for you” on this whole idiotic ordering stuff.

Do not buy a car from that dealership. See how different the approaches were between the two? If you stopped payment on the check and it never gets cashed, tell the dealership to fuck the fucking fuck off if they ever call you again. Tell the first person who calls you to fuck off. No, I don’t mean “Come up with a more diplomatic phrasing for 'Fuck off.” Tell him to quote-unquote “Fuck off.” Car dealers live to play hardball. You can play, too; just make yourself the lost cause of a car sale to them that you are. He calls again, you either ask for the manager or go down there in person and tell them all to fuck off. You don’t want their stupid car, you don’t want a car from their stupid dealership, their whole deposit policy is a scam and signing paperwork for scams is null and void. The only signature that matters in car dealing is the last one in the Bill of Sale. The others are garbage, they just try to use them against you, like now. They don’t have your money, they can’t get it. What are they gonna do, sue you? Send you to Collections? For non-payment of a non-service that doesn’t even actually require payment in the first place? To acquire a car they’ll sell in a month anyway? I doubt you ordered in a fully-loaded Maserati. It’s probably not even the one you want. Car manufacturers don’t make cars loaded exactly the way you might want, so if you ask for an options loadout that doesn’t exist, the dealership will “order” it and stick you with whatever the Hell is closest to it, and wave a bunch of signed paperwork in your face and hope all of that plus your burning desire to drive off in that sucker will seal the deal. These guys charge $300 to wash your already-clean new car when you buy it. Tell them to bill whatever sucker buys that car for its shipping - he will anyway, to the tune of around $500. You pay shipping for a car if it’s sitting on the fucking lot the day you walk in and buy it. Ludicrous!

Play the odds and don’t sweat it. Tell the dealership to eat penis and laugh at their impotent rage. Do donuts in front of their floor room in the car you bought at the other joint and flip them all the bird.

I’m a fairly inexperienced car buyer too. We made one attempt and after getting fed up with the “whoring” attempts, left. We bought through a “.com” company that went out of business soon after.

But I believe the correct response to, “We’ll need a deposit of $x to find and have this car brought here” would not be, “Fine, let’s just get everything in writing so there are no misunderstandings”, but instead, “Fuck you, cuntface. Get the car or obviously I’m not going to buy it from you, you stupid piece of shit. Your call, I’m leaving. [slam]”

And scene.

Bill had his Wheaties this morning.

I agree with Bill. Years ago when I was young and green buying my first car, I was dumb enough to give a Ford dealership a $750 deposit which I had to bite and scratch to get back. The only way to deal with these morally illiterate fucks is to play them at their own game and treat them like shit squashed into the sole of your shoe.

I’m watching Blade Trinity on cable right now, and although it is an abomination of a movie it did at least give us Ryan Reynolds advising a vampire to “take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick”. That sounds to me like the perfect thing to say to a car dealer.

I figure I’ll know where things stand once they figure out the check won’t go through. Honestly, I don’t think they’ll do shit, but we’ll see. And Bill, I know you don’t mean to offend, but do you honestly think you don’t offend… every… single… time… ? :p

Erik J.

EDIT: Still usually funny to read, though, Bill.

On a side note, here is how my experience went at the other dealership, where I finally decided to purchase from:

  1. I walk in, and talk to the guy I had been emailing that morning about the car. He asks what Im looking for, sees if there are any around. Finds one, walks back, and goes Ok, I will give you this at invoice. Ok.

  2. I ask, how the fuck does that work? “Basically I get jack on this commission, but I grow business. We’re a new dealership, and are trying to build customer base by volume sales.” Ok.

  3. I talk to the “extras” person. All the bullshit like undercoating and interior whatever. This person is a young blonde with huge ta-tas, that are in no way being covered up or otherwise modestly displayed. I found this really hilarious.

  4. I say Ok, go get the car, and they do.

All in all, it ended up being about $2,500 less than the other place, even after tax and tags, and the ever-bullshit $100 processing fee. (“Not required by law”)

Erik J.

By ‘new’ do you mean brand new? If so, even at invoice, you just lost a bunch of money.

So, what about the tits?

Rob, if you or Bill were Erik’s next-door neighbor, Erik would have had a wingman who could have helped him get the car for under invoice. But going to a dealership on your own, without any backup, and getting something at invoice is still pretty good in comparison with what usually happens.

What did I say to you that was so offensive? Are you a kitten? Anyway, apologies.

Now then:

  1. Now, getting the car “at invoice” technically counts as a win in your book, so congrats. If you paid MSRP, I would have to have you shot. But, you know, invoice isn’t invoice. Only the dealership knows the actual invoice, the straight-up cost of that car, and they’ll never tell you. Often, the salesmen don’t even know (since the turnover for car salesmen is silly high, they just bop around from dealership to dealership; it’s part of the deal, see, because they figure you’ll go easier on a “new” guy). It’s easily a few grand less then the posted invoice. See, the funny part about posted invoice is a) no other sales outlet of any goods has to post their invoice prices - the only reason car dealerships do is to make you think they can’t possibly sell it for less than that, and they’ll break even at best at that price and b) car dealerships don’t buy their cars from the manufacturer anyway, they rent them, so there really is no actual invoice price. It’s an estimate made by the dealership to cover all the costs of acquiring that car and having it on the lot for x months, plus holdback, which is money the dealership makes on the car sale no matter what. It’s just several layers of bullshit to keep you from ever ever getting a car at a price that loses money for the dealership which, you know, a sales outlet of any kind can’t really do and hope to stay in business.

  2. Ha ha, that was a good one, Mr. Slimy Car Salesguy. Haven’t heard that one before, quite like that. I guess it beats those ads with the wacky guy going “WE’VE GONE CRAAAAAAAAAAZY AT WESTERN PONTIAC!” “Build customer base by sales volume.” That’s a great idea…except it doesn’t make any sense. Uh, more people will buy from you if you sell a lot of cars? Why, does everyone read sales numbers among dealerships and make their buying decision based on that? Man, whatever.

  3. Did she tell you how your car will explode in rusty flames without the paint coat? “B-but the heat/cold/salty air/rain will corrode your paint job without it!” Really? Why don’t you cheap fucks get better paint? Will it do that in less than 5 years? Because I’m dropping this shitbrick right about then.

  4. Yay. Did you know you bought a car at one of the worst times ever, on a springtime Saturday at the beginning of the month? Oh man, I’d love to see a scan of your Bill of Sale. You’re crying about the 100-buck processing fee? You saved $2,500 compared to Senor Muttfuck’s Auto Ripoff House? I hope you bought a Hyundai Accent.

You could have done a lot worse, though. You did not make the Deal of the Century by any means, but you didn’t let that other jagoff dealership play you. It’s a wash.