441

Spock is not a homophone! He likes females.

442

This is an amazing quote. In it, he says Star Trek is too much pew pew pew laser effects, while wondering where the lasers on the phasers went.

443

As goofy and wrong as he is, you gotta respect Zylon for jumping in spitting his defiance in the face of the Hivemind’s unified displeasure.

444

I didn’t say either of those things; please work on your reading comprehension.

But since you reminded me-- energy bursts that make ricochet noises??

445

Dude, once you start trainspotting the science of the sound effects associated with fictional energy weapons, you might be in too deep.

446

Right, I forgot I was talking about a movie targeted at audiences who don’t care if a warp drive goes “moo”.

Actually, they’d probably like it better that way.

447

I thought it was a nice touch how they handed out drool cups and helmets to audiences as they entered the theater, too.

448

Actually, I’ll back Zylon up on this point: when the Enterprise did finally open up on the Romulan ship, it happened so quickly all I was left with was a brief impression of energy pulses coming from all over the command saucer. Less choppy editing in that scene would have been nice so I could enjoy the spaceship porn more.

449

It’s funny that the spaceship battles in Star Trek or long cuts of gunfights in a Michael Mann movie are the “porn” and the editing mish-mash is the norm! It didn’t really affect my enjoyment of this movie too much, but come on, throw me a bone.

450

Moo 5, Mr Sulu

451

452

Awesome.

I’m not sure if I like it more if you found that picture first and structured your troll around it like an awesome joke time-bomb, or if you just grabbed it from a GIS of “warp drive goes moo” or some shit. Either way, awesome.

453

Remember this is Zylon, it probably took him 3 days just to load the image search page god forbid upload it anywhere. That post was days in the making.

454

Oh Adree, you’re so cute when you’re attempting to express coherent thoughts.

455

Yeah, Adree, work on the troll. I suck at it too, so I don’t do it.

You really gotta up your game around here.

456

Finally saw this… at my wife’s insistence…! She hates Star Trek, but had heard good things about this one.

We weren’t disappointed, and in fact she enjoyed it more than I did mostly because they actually got the character development right. Bear in mind she’s never seen the old films or TOS so had no idea who any of the iconic characters really were other than their names. The fact that it dealt with characters and relationships so effectively shows just how much sci-fi nonsense you can get past my wife if done right.

Me, I thought it was excellent although it won’t dethrone WoK. I loved the entire “fuck Star Trek” ethos of a completely different timeline, for all the reasons previously mentioned on the first page of this thread. Great move, and something that needs to happen to Star Wars once Lucas kicks the bucket. Although, hold on… that would need to be backwards with the future left as it is and the back story rewritten. I’m sure someone can figure it out.

I didn’t much care for Simon Pegg actually. His last few movies he seems to be Hollywood’s latest village idiot, and here was no exception. If he can reduce the goofiness and go for more subtle humour I reckon he could work though. Also, didn’t like Chekov. It felt like he was laying it on far too thick, like a joke impersonator. But Urban made up for any inconsistencies.

457

Zylon, what exactly was so intelligent, layered and sublime about any of the other Trek films that makes this one look so pallid in comparison? Because my memory might be failing me here, but as I recollect most of the Trek films have been mediocre to outright painful to watch with the exception of II, IV and VI, all of which survived mostly on the basis of the characters.

This film gave us Kirk as Kirk, Spock as Spock, and so on. I don’t even know what metric you are using to judge this film, but the other Trek films are certainly not it. Rather, the relevant parts of the other Trek films are not it.

I think you just didn’t like it because it didn’t star anyone in it from the shows except Nimoy, and it was actually exciting and had legitimate action scenes as opposed to cheesy special effects on life support via an exhausted soundtrack working overtime and endless scenes of stunt doubles flinging themselves in front of sparking bridge deck facades.

458

Right, THAT’s why I didn’t like it. And not, you know, any of the reasons I’ve actually posted. Let’s see–

It looks awful since it’s jammed to the gills with camera flaws (shake and glare). Just because it was done on purpose doesn’t make it good.

The editing in the action sequences is Bay-level incoherent.

The ship fights themselves are lame, consisting almost entirely of the ships just sitting nose-to-nose and blasting away until someone gives up. Compare to the battle sequences in Wrath of Khan, which actually had the captains engaging in deeper tactical thinking than screaming “Evasive pattern THX-1138!”.

The Kirk birth/Kelvin destruction sequence, which just went on and on and ON AND ON AND ON. “What’s that, honey? Kirk just spoke his first words? Oh hold on, I’ll be crashing any minute now…”

The Baby Kirk yippee sequence, which is indefensible at any level.

As a story-driving villain, Nero sucked. He barely had any screen time, had no personality beyond “GRAHH!”, and his evil mission was nonsensical. Also he was almost indistinguishable from his crewmen-- just another tattooed bald guy in a sea of tattooed bald guys.

The hamfisted humor. Oooh, puffy hands. Oooh, Scotty and the Chocolate Factory. Oooh, Chekov has an absurdly thick accent. Har har har.

The repetitive script. How many times will Kirk dangle by his fingertips? Oh look, Nero’s disabled another Federation ship and asked its captain to come aboard in a shuttlecraft.

The incredibly lazy script, with so many plot-critical elements driven by sheer inexplicable coincidence.

Starfleet is apparently run entirely on the concept of just showing up. Want to join the academy? Just show up! Want to be the chief of engineering? Just show up! Want to be the science officer? Just show up!

The virtual genocide of the Vulcan race. Yes, this pissed me off. Fuck you, Abrams.

And finally, Kirk being promoted directly from cadet to Captain. I can buy that sort of career advancement in The Hudsucker Proxy, but in a supposedly serious film, not so much.

So yeah… a big dumb loud goofy explody mess. The sort of filmmaking that’s made Bay and Bruckheimer filthy rich. So nobody go acting surprised that it’s been successful.

459

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me pre-ordering the Blu-Ray version.

460

As we see here, Star Trek is popular with exactly the sort of people who quote an entire page of text just to tack on a one-line (and dumb) response.